4 Times You’re Allowed to Say No at Work

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FOMO (fear of missing out) is real, and it happens in both our work and personal lives. Because of the fear of missing an opportunity in your career, it’s easy to find yourself on the “yes” train, only to feel overexerted and spread too thin. While taking advantage of opportunities that can help your career is great, it’s important to realize when saying no is in your best interest. Here are four times you’re allowed to say “no” at work.

1. When your calendar is already crammed.

When your schedule is jam-packed, saying no is probably the way to go. While you may be able to fit in a quick meeting or take on one extra project, it’s important to assess the obligations you’ve already committed to before saying yes to something else. Would taking on this extra task take a lot of time? How much would it cut into your current projects?

If saying yes to a new opportunity would hinder your ability to complete tasks you’ve already committed to, just say no. This can be hard, especially if you’re a people pleaser, but at the end of the day, taking on more is not always better. Instead, focus on putting your best foot forward on your current commitments.

2. When you’d be covering for someone else who’s always slacking.

Are you constantly covering for a coworker who can’t seem to be bothered to lift a finger? When your boss recognizes you for your ability to pick up the pieces, it can be hard to put an end to things—but there’s a point when it’s not worth it.

If you continually cover for someone or finish the work that they were supposed to, you’re showing that person that, A) you don’t mind that they’re slacking, and B) they can continue to slack off because you will finish what they don’t. In this case, you’re doing yourself and the other person a disservice. Try talking to them directly, and if that doesn’t work, discuss the situation with your boss. Point out that you’re taking on someone else’s role and it’s impeding on your ability to get your own work completed to your standards.

Try approaching the subject like this:

“I’ve been doing x, y, and z to help [Name], but it’s getting difficult to get everything done to my standards. I’m happy to help, but it seems to be more of an ongoing issue than a one-off situation, and I don’t want it to affect responsibilities I’ve already committed to. Is there a better way we can delegate responsibilities or create more accountability as a team?”

3. When it’s a last-minute request and you already have other obligations.

We’ve all had that last-minute work request that makes our stomach sink, whether it’s an after-hours event or a last-minute meeting. Sometimes, you just suck it up and deal with it (yes, it’s part of being an adult), but it’s okay to say no if it will impede on other obligations.

If you’ve already made other commitments, explain the situation. Show that you would like to make it work but it’s not an option since it’s last-minute. You can say something like this:

“Unfortunately, I’m not able to make that work because of the timing. I’ve already made another commitment I can’t cancel; however, I’m happy to work with you to figure out another time that works better.”

If your manager can’t appreciate that you’ve made commitments and you want to stick with them, you may not be in a work environment where you can thrive.

4. If it makes you uncomfortable (morally or physically).

This is simple: If something makes you uncomfortable, morally or physically, just say no.

If you feel like something isn’t right, trust your gut. You can always say “I’m not comfortable doing that,” or simply decline and say that you’re working on another project. Assessing the situation, your needs (both mental and physical), and how the request will affect you is essential to figuring out if the project is in your best interest.

If something makes you physically uncomfortable, get yourself out of that situation immediately, and contact someone of authority. Whether it’s HR or legal authorities, if there is misconduct in the workplace, use your voice, and be confident that no one should make you uncomfortable.

About the Author: Michele Lando is a certified professional résumé writer and founder of Write Styles. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish an individual’s application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, professional style, and boost your confidence.

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This story was originally published on March 7, 2019, and has since been published.

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There's a Better Way to Say "No" to People

Photo credit: Smith House Photography

You have three outstanding assignments sitting on your desk, your phone is lighting up with texts from your friend reminding you that you’re scheduled to have a check-in call, and then your boss Slacks you to ask if you can work late to help out on seven other tasks that need finishing.

Before you can stop yourself, “Uh, sure! I mean, of course,” tumbles out of your mouth. You know full well that you're unable to handle another thing, but there’s just something about saying “no” that’s almost impossible to do. Here’s how to say “no” in a way that’s beneficial to you and your boss.

Have “No” Fear?

If the above situation sounds familiar, it's not surprising—many of us are afraid to say no. Psychology Today offers two main reasons why: We fear conflict and we don’t like to disappoint others. Because of this, we often say yes even if taking on something else isn’t in our best interest. We want to make others feel better—but we sacrifice our own feelings and time in return.

For many, saying no can feel... harsh. But learning to turn down a request is a crucial skill to master. It’s important to create boundaries out of respect for yourself, your time, and your energy—we truly can’t do it all.

So, how do we get better at saying “no?” The answer involves swapping that word for something else entirely. Let us introduce you to your new magic words: “I don’t.”

The Power of “I Don’t”

When we're skittish around the word “no,” we often try to decline requests with an “I can’t”—but “I don’t” is actually the best phrase to use. The reason is this: “I can’t” implies that you want to do something but an external factor is stopping you from doing it. It suggests you could do that task—and it leaves room for people to push back. For example: Saying “I can’t go to the party tonight” leaves lots of room for someone to respond with a “Why not?”

“Saying ‘I don’t’ turns a rejection into an affirmation of how you live your life.”

“I don’t,” on the other hand, reclaims your authority over your actions. When you say that you don’t do something, it's an iron-clad refusal—you as a human don’t do what's being asked of you, and you don’t do it for your own sake. “I don’t go to parties on weeknights” is much more impactful than “I can’t go tonight.” The phrase turns a rejection into an affirmation of how you live your life, making it powerful and something you own.

Another example: If you have a coworker asking you to step in on the office party planning committee—but you already have the responsibility of organizing the company’s retreat plus 10 outstanding work assignments—you can reply with a simple, “Although I wish I could help further, I don’t take on other projects when I’m behind on my existing assignments.” That statement is a lot harder to argue with than, “I can’t do that right now,” and it’s more thoughtful than a plain “no.”

How to Use “I Don’t” to Motivate Yourself

“I don’t” is also a powerful tool you can use when working towards your goals. If you incorporate it into your self-talk, it can increase your willpower.

When researchers at Boston College and The University of Houston conducted a small study looking into the use of “I don’t” and “I can’t,” they found that participants who said “I don’t skip exercise” rather than “I can’t skip exercise” ended up working out more often than the “I can’t” group. “Using the word ‘don’t’ serves as a self-affirmation of one’s personal willpower and control ... leading to a favorable influence on feelings of empowerment, as well as on actual behavior," the researchers wrote.

Take Control of “No”

Bottom line: “I don’t” puts the ball back in your court. It gives you authority over your no and leads to a powerful but respectful decline—or, an empowering motivational phrase.

It’s a lesson in framing, and it’s an easy way to turn dreaded “no”s into something empowering. Give it a try next time you need to say no but feel yourself about to say yes.

Article by Anna Meyer. There's a Better Way to Say “No” originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.

About Shine: Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.

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This post was originally published on December 26, 2017, and has since been updated.

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