5 Tips for Taking Care of Yourself Without Sacrificing Your Business' Success
Don't let stress become part of your daily routine.
Photo: Christina Jones Photography
This time last year, I was sitting at a desk, in a corporate job that I thought was “the job.” In reality, I was working myself into the ground for someone else’s bottom line. My health was at an all-time low—both mentally and physically. I was exhausted and needed a change. That’s when I decided to take my side hustle full-time.
In our fast-paced, highly competitive world, being “stressed out” is one of the most common feelings. As an entrepreneur, it’s easy to let stress become part of our daily routine. But I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s time to stop accepting the high-stress lifestyle as “just the way it is.” You do not need to work 24/7, and push, drive and grind until you break. It is possible to build a successful business with balance and wellness at the core.
Often, I see entrepreneurs fall into chronic stress because they believe that hustling until you can’t hustle anymore is the only way to succeed. I was one of them. As a young entrepreneur, I personally experienced burnout, and the long nights lying awake with thoughts about all of the different ways that I could grow my business swirling around in my head. Eventually, at age 22, I was left with a chronic illness. My body gave me a “force quit” and taught me a lesson that has become part of my life’s work to share.
Today, I run my new business with an autoimmune disease and a new mantra: Stress is inevitable, but it is not uncontrollable.
Learning to manage stress has been an essential part of my success in business. And I can promise you this: running a business with self-care in mind is a lot more fun (and more productive!) than operating from a place of burnout.
So, to the busy, stressed-out, and overworked entrepreneur reading this, here are my top five tips for taking care of yourself without sacrificing your business success.
1. Don’t Sacrifice Your Routine
When you know you have a busy day ahead, it’s easy to skip journaling, working out, or even eating breakfast, and head to the computer first thing. It’s also easy to keep working after 5 pm because you’re determined to cross things off your to-do list before calling it a day. Having both a set morning and evening routine gives you a sense of control in stressful times. Doing so can set the tone for your entire day and can help you transition into an evening mode that allows you to be present for friends and family, and for yourself! Even if you’re not a “routine person,” try starting off your day without your phone and do something just for you.
2. Delegate and Outsource
Outsource the things that drain your energy or take you out of your creative flow. Things that suck up your time are not worth it. Bringing in backup may make your margins tighter at first, but as all good CEOs know, investing in a team that helps you expand and grow will return the cost in more ways than just revenue. With less stress, you can focus on innovation in your business, as opposed to worrying about smaller day-to-day tasks. When you’re feeling sick or close to burnout, don’t be afraid to lean even more on your team. That’s what they are there for! Your business and your team can manage a day, a week, or even a month without you if you’ve trained them well.
3. Treat Yourself
Whether it’s a full spa day or diffusing your favorite essential oils, be intentional about doing things that bring you joy. The entrepreneur life can be lonely, so try calling a friend or family member once a day. It’s amazing how much a good friend can lift your spirits. My favorite stress-reliever is ending my day with a warm bath with Epsom salts, baking soda, and a few drops of lavender essential oil, which releases stress and toxins and makes my home feel like a spa.
4. Get Moving
I try to get some form of exercise every day. It may seem obvious, but it’s a game-changer. Exercise works wonders for releasing stress and clearing your head on a busy day. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, step away from your desk for a quick walk around the block or a 5-minute ab workout. Every evening, I clean up my desk, shut down my computer, and go for a walk to clear my head and disconnect. This helps me to be more present in my post-work hours and improves my sleep at night. No more lying awake thinking about business.
5. Meditate
Om’s the word! Meditation, whether in the form of yoga, prayer, journaling, or traditional meditation, helps to reprogram your body from a stressful fight-or-flight mode to peaceful alignment. Meditate on what you’re grateful for, or on what you have already accomplished, and let your mind wander away from the stress. I also love doing the 5-5-5 breathing exercise (breath in for 5 seconds, hold for 5, out for 5, hold for 5, repeat) when I find myself holding my breath and working in overdrive.
When you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and run down, the best thing you can do is to take a step back and assess the whole picture. Your mental and physical health has to take priority in order for your business to have sustainability and long-term success. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; and it doesn’t have to be expensive, time-consuming, or a “chore!” But the alternative—neglecting your wellness now—can stop you in your tracks, throw off all of your productivity and forward motion, and make it so much harder to get it back. Trust me on this one. So shut your laptop, go draw yourself a bath, go on a walk, or unwind and watch a movie with your people. Your work can wait; and when you readdress it, you’ll be more focused and more efficient as a result. You not only deserve it...you need it.
Remember: stress is inevitable, but not uncontrollable! Integrating balance, wellness, and self-care into your life today will make you a healthier, more productive, and more successful entrepreneur in the long run. After all, life’s a marathon... not a sprint.
“S
tress is inevitable, but not uncontrollable!”
—Gracie Thomas, Founder of Gracie Thomas Consulting
About the Author: Gracie Thomas is a marketing and brand consultant and the founder of Gracie Thomas Consulting. The GT Brand helps female health and wellness professionals scale their business through brand strategy and design and marketing consulting. Ever since her diagnosis with an autoimmune disease and Lyme disease, she stands to help female entrepreneurs build successful companies while keeping their own wellness in mind.
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This story was originally published on September 24, 2020, and has since been updated.
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20 Self-Care Staples to Take a Mental Break Without Leaving Your Desk
Essentials for pushing through that 3 pm slump.
Photo: Alizee Marchand from Pexels
Staying focused is not easy when you’re working from your living room and haven't left the house in weeks. It’s easy to feel drained and distracted, even the bliss of working in pajamas is old news. Self-care is needed now more than ever, but you may not always have time for yoga or a bubble bath.
Luckily, our editorial director, Sacha Strebe, and our managing editor, Megan Beauchamp, compiled the products they swear by for a quick mental health break. These products will add a little peace to your workspace, make you feel better, and you can use them while answering emails or sitting on Zoom calls.
Take a pause, scroll on, and do something for yourself. You deserve it.
True Botanicals Stress Relief
“When you work at an events company there is always work to do. Long hours prepping the show at my desk are followed by long days ensuring the show runs smoothly on-site. When I need a little stress-relief, I reach over and roll this oil on my wrists and sometimes a little on my neck behind my ears too. It smells so good with tarragon and frankincense, both of which have been used for centuries to ground and stabilize moods.” —Sacha Strebe
$36
The Beauty Chef Well Spray Inner Beauty Support
“When you’re on-the-go and stress has the cortisol levels rising, your immune system can be compromised. I love The Beauty Chef’s Well Spray (their Gut Primer is also a favorite) because it isn’t another vitamin to swallow and in just a few sprays I know I’m boosting and protecting my body. The ingredients are a combination of bio-fermented superfoods including pomegranate, elderberry, olive leaf (I swear by the olive leaf pills for immune defense), sage, calendula, and selenium—a mineral essential for normal immune function.” —Sacha Strebe
$29
Hum Raw Beauty Green Superfood Powder
“I have been a big fan of Hum nutrition for a long time (I swear by their Skin Heroes probiotic) and this superfood powder is a must-have at work. I always forget to take my pills or drink my green juice on the weekend because I’m out of routine. But this all-in-one powder makes it easy. There are more than 30 superfoods here with antioxidants, adaptogens, enzymes, probiotics, fruits, and vegetables. It also has a delicious mint chocolate chip flavor. I find myself reaching for it mid-afternoon for a boost and to stave off those unhealthy snack temptations.” —Sacha Strebe
$39
The Nue Co. De-bloat and Prebiotic
“I try to move around my home office as much as possible but I’d be lying if there aren’t more days than not where I’m sitting at my dining table come makeshift desk all day long. Naturally, not moving my body can often lead to bloating so when that happens, I make a warm tea with The Nue Co. de-bloat and prebiotic powder. It tastes great and it really works.” —Sacha Strebe
$37
iS Clinical Copper Firming Mist
“This isn’t essential to your self-care desk but as a skin enthusiast, I need to have a few misting sprays nearby to keep my skin hydrated at home. I like this one because it is packed with antioxidants and the copper PCA regulates mu skin's pH levels and apparently that also stimulates collagen. If anything, a few mists throughout the day just make me feel good and that’s all part of self-care, right?” —Sacha Strebe
$35
Molekule Air Mini
“Air pollution is evident everywhere but even more so in Los Angeles. According to a new report, a lot of the smog actually comes from China. In fact, ”29% of particulates in the San Francisco area came from coal power plants in China." So, I invested in the full-size Moleklule (and a few Dyson air purifiers) for our house but I’m also looking at investing in the mini for my home desk too. Not only does this one clear the air but it also looks chic too. It’s a win-win.” —Sacha Strebe
$399
Crane Drop Ultrasonic Cool Mist Humidifer
“The air is really dry in LA. Combine that with the drying effects of an air-conditioner on hot days and it's safe to say my skin is feeling parched. A humidifier is a great option in winter and summer to keep your skin hydrated and in all honesty, it just makes me feel good looking at it. I like this humidifier because it adds moisture to the air in rooms measuring up to 500sq ft. My colleague has the Hey Dewy but it’s much smaller and doesn’t have a strong stream of mist that I like but it is a good price. I have also been eyeing off this Objecto for our house.” —Sacha Strebe
$50
Soma Glass Carafe
“I love this glass carafe because it filters out any impurities from the tap water. I also love how it looks on my home dining room desk. Just seeing water in this carafe makes me want to drink it.” —Sacha Strebe
$74
Just Add Watur Motivational Water Bottle
“I am a skin and health nut so it always surprises people when I tell them that I am really bad at drinking water. And when I say bad, I mean really bad. Don’t get me wrong, I drink a lot of liquids. I drink a cup of early grey tea when I wake up, then a coffee, followed by a green smoothie, and then a herbal tea when I get to work (I love the Sakara Detox tea) which I drink throughout the day. But when it comes to water, actual H20, I probably only drink 1 liter. So, I bought one of these motivational water bottles that keeps me accountable. It has the time of day listed so I know how much I need and drink in portions rather than guzzle all at once. So far so good, but we will see.” —Sacha Strebe
$20
Sakara Beauty and Detox Water Drops
“In a bid to drink more water, I keep these drops on hand to flavor the water and enhance it too. Beauty Water is my favorite with its delicious rose scent. Just a few drops deeply hydrate your cells with naturally-occurring trace minerals missing from tap water.” —Sacha Strebe
$39
Sandoval Wood Aromatic Concentrate
“I’m all about creating an atmosphere that feels like home and Sandoval definitely brings a piece of our apartment into my cubicle. Peace is my personal favorite because it has the purifying palo santo with sweet frankincense and patchouli. They basically bottled the quintessential California scent. Spray it in the morning to set your space up for success and creativity.” —Sacha Strebe
$60
An Organized Life Gemini Zodiac Notebook
"I am a sucker for stationary but especially notebooks for journaling, dreaming, and listicles. I always have my diary nearby for all my work notes and lists, but there's something really special about having an additional notebook like this Zodiac one to write down your thoughts, personal achievements, ideas, and wishes for your future. It's been incredibly helpful for me especially during this time.” —Sacha Strebe
$16
Byredo Rinse-Free Hand Wash
“Our hands touch multiple things throughout the day and we don’t always have time to race to the restroom to wash them for every little thing so I like to have this rinse-free hand wash nearby. It smells amazing and looks so stylish on my desk when I’m not using it. But of course, this doesn't compare to actually washing your hands, so please do that too, and stay safe!” —Sacha Strebe
$37
Hilma Tension Relief
“I swear by this supplement for relief when I have head tension, which is pretty much unavoidable after spending hours in front of my laptop. It’s a quick fix without any of the unnecessary or harmful ingredients that can be found in other over-the-counter pain-relief solutions.” —Megan Beauchamp
$15
Have a Nice Day Glass Water Bottle
“Keeping a refillable glass water bottle on my desk is the only way I’ll hit the recommended eight glasses a day. I love this one from Have a Nice Day, which boasts a friendly reminder to keep a positive outlook no matter how many ‘this could have been an email’ meetings you have on your calendar for the day.” —Megan Beauchamp
$18
Avène Thermal Spring Water
“At first, it felt gratuitous to have a thermal spring water mist on my desk, but it’s a luxury that’s worth every penny. A quick spritz here and there goes a long way in helping me feel refreshed and ready to tackle the next task on my to-do list.” —Megan Beauchamp
$14
The Sill Philodendron Green
“Plants can do wonders for your wellbeing. They’ve been proven to reduce stress and anxiety, improve air quality, and even enhance cognitive skills. I love having this low-maintenance plant—complete with a sleek modern planter—from The Sill in my WFH office.”
$55
MegaBabe Hand Sanitizer
“I’m a big fan of this hand sanitizer from MegaBabe. It’s effective without being overly drying. I keep the mini size at my desk and grab it before heading out the door. I also have the large hand sanitizer pump, which I use to refill the conveniently sized mini when it runs out of product.” —Megan Beauchamp
$6
Vitruvi Stone Diffuser
“One of the biggest perks of working from home has been the ability to diffuse essential oils during the workday. I’ve had a Vitruvi stone diffuser for years, and I highly recommend it. The brand’s Boost Blend of bergamot, grapefruit, juniper, and lime essential oils makes for a great midday pick me up when I hit that 3 pm slump.” —Megan Beauchamp
$119
Golde Shroom Shield
“Another product that’s great for powering through the 3 pm slump, Golde’s Shroom Shield has a chocolately taste that’s ideal for adding to that afternoon coffee for a tasty pick-me-up that’s just indulgent enough.” —Megan Beauchamp
$22
Up next: 10 Two-Minute Habits That Will Change Your Life
This story was originally published on July 30, 2020, and has since been updated.
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Hey, Glow Getters! Here's What to Expect at Our Digital Beauty, Self-Care, and Wellness Summit
Psst... Miranda Kerr, Nabela Noor, and Tia Mowry are taking the virtual stage.
Photo: Smith House Photography
Taking care of your mind, body, and spirit has become a trillion-dollar industry, and we’re coming straight to your home to tackle it all. From energy healing and acupressure sessions to informative workshops and inclusive conversations with leading industry disruptors, our Digital Beauty Summit presented by Mastercard has it all—and we’re not holding back. Prepare yourself for a jam-packed day full of panels, keynotes, live podcasts, wellness experiences, and everything else you’ve come to know and love about our Create & Cultivate digital events.
As always, our lineup for Saturday, July 25 is stacked. Pound Fitness is kicking off the day with a heart-rate-raising cardio class, then Miranda Kerr (yes, THE Miranda Kerr!) is taking the virtual stage to talk about switching lanes from supermodel to clean beauty entrepreneur, Nabela Noor is taking the mic to share how she’s redefining beauty and launching a self-love movement, and Tia Mowry is sitting down with Jaclyn Johnson to discuss managing a multi-hyphenate career for a live episode of WorkParty. Trust us, you won’t want to miss out!
Read on to discover everything else we have in store for this jam-packed day, and if you haven’t already, be sure to buy your digital pass ASAP!
THE DATE
Saturday, July 25th, 2020
TUNE IN FROM HOME
First things first! On Saturday, July 25th, you’ll receive an email with your link and password to access the exclusive Digital Beauty Summit site. Please note: All content will go live on Pacific Daylight Time (PDT), including the launch of the exclusive Digital Beauty Summit site. To find out what time a session is happening in your time zone, use this handy time zone converter.
Digital Beauty Summit is made up of pre-recorded video sessions hosted via Vimeo and live video sessions streaming via Zoom. We recommend that you have a strong WiFi connection and find a comfortable place to tune in from home. Digital Beauty Summit is optimized for desktop, so it is best viewed via a computer or laptop, rather than a tablet or phone.
While the live content is specifically designed to be watched in real-time, you’ll be able to access and view it until Friday, July 31st at 5pm PDT (Insiders, you have all-access even after the cutoff via your C&C Insiders dashboard!). Tickets will be available to purchase until July 29th at 5pm PDT.
THE SCHEDULE
Digital Beauty Summit is built just like our in-person conferences, which, of course, you all know and love. We have a stacked schedule with an A-list line-up of speakers so we suggest taking notes along the way.
Want the full lineup? Check out the play-by-play schedule to map out your big day. Please note, all times are listed in PDT (Pacific Daylight Time), as C&C headquarters is located in sunny Los Angeles. To find out what time a session is happening in your time zone, use this time zone converter.
NETWORK
Networking is a huge part of our event and our Create & Cultivate Beauty & Self-Care Summit Attendees Slack Workspace is a great place to mix and mingle with your fellow Create & Cultivators before, during, and after the big day. We’ve created channels for every workshop and panel, as well as channels for international attendees, networking, and more!
Attendees will receive a link to access our Create & Cultivate Beauty Summit Attendees Slack Workspace in our What to Expect newsletter on Monday, July 20th. This Slack channel will remain accessible until Friday, July 31st at 12pm PDT. Not familiar with Slack? Here are a few tips to get you started:
Download the Slack app to your phone, computer, or both
Complete your account profile with a profile photo, your name, and what you do
Public conversations will happen in the channels (ex: #networking) and are located on the left-hand side of the app. You can also start direct messages with others in the Slack workspace
Hit send too early on a message? Slack has an edit feature! Click the three-dot icon located on the right side of the message to open the drop-down of message options
We’re all about GIFs at C&C! Here are instructions on how to integrate GIPHY into your Slack account.
Our Slack workspace is a busy, happening place on the day of the event. Streamline the notifications you receive by using the “mute” feature on channels that don’t pertain to you. To mute a channel, simply open up that channel, click the three-dot icon labeled “more,” and select the mute option
Most importantly, be kind and respectful of others. If you don’t follow this rule, you will be removed from the Slack group
If you have any questions on the day of the event about navigating the schedule, accessing the workshop downloads, or anything else, you can drop them into the customer service channel in Slack.
THINGS TO PREP AHEAD OF TIME
Here are a few things to prep before the big day so it goes off without a hitch:
Make sure you have a strong WiFi connection.
Install Zoom on your desktop computer or laptop and test it out.
Zoom tips:
Find a quiet place to tune in. Try to situate yourself in a small room that does not have an echo.
Try and stay away from noisy electronics and silence your cell phone and computer notifications for an optimal experience.
When possible, limit your internet connection to solely the device you’re using for the Zoom conference.
Set your phone to airplane mode, pause your television connection, ask others in your home to pause anything that may require a strong internet connection, etc.
Set aside your athletic gear and your mat (or towel) and fill up your water bottle for our morning moves session with Pound Fitness.
Be sure to download the workshop assets so you can follow along with the expert in real-time. Note: Your exclusive workshop downloads will be available starting Saturday, July 25th via the exclusive Digital Beauty Summit site.
Dance along with the NetWerk Dance Movement instructors during a special NetWerk Dance Movement Session. Don’t forget to network with your fellow Create & Cultivators via our exclusive Digital Beauty Summit Attendees Slack Workspace.
Don’t miss the opportunity to get real-time advice from small business owners, venture capitalists, and other experts during Mentor Power Hour presented by Mastercard.
Join the Mentor Power Hour Slack Channel and peruse the list of mentors who will be answering questions in real-time in hour-long Zoom webinars and choose your mentor(s).
We have experts in everything from raising money to creating engaging content to growing a dedicated following on social media. If there’s more than one mentor you want advice from, don’t worry! You can hop from session to session over the course of the hour if you’d like.
Don’t forget to jot down any questions you have for the mentor sessions ahead of time! You’ll be able to ask your Qs in real-time by typing them into Zoom’s Q&A feature.
GET SOCIAL
Stay tuned for exciting announcements and updates by following along on our social at @createcultivate.
To access our custom Digital Beauty Summit IGS filters, head to @createcultivate on Instagram and click on the smiley face icon beneath our bio, or open your camera in Instagram and click on “browse effects” and search with keyword “createcultivate.” You can also search “ccselfcarebeautysummit” on Instagram to use our custom GIFs.
Don’t forget to tag @createcultivate and use the hashtag #CCSelfCareBeautySummit for the chance to be featured in our Instagram Stories throughout the day!
C&C INSIDERS’ PERKS
Our Insiders get a ton of perks at all our events—and our Digital Beauty Summit is no exception. As an Insider, you get discounted ticket rate of $29.99 and you’ll have access to all of the panels and keynotes after the Friday, July 31st 5pm PDT cutoff via your C&C Insiders dashboard. Not an insider yet? Well, don’t miss out—you can sign up here.
VIRTUAL GIFT BAGS
We know you want ‘em! Complete our post-event survey to receive an email packed with promo codes from some of your favorite brands, including OLLY, Codex, GOODFISH, NetWerk Movement, House of Lashes, The Perfume Bar, Vie Healing, the Honey Pot Co., and more. The survey will be sent out to all attendees on Friday, July 31st.
GIFT BOXES
Plus, the first 250 ticket purchasers will receive a gift box the week of event date featuring the following products:
Pound Fitness RIPSTIX
Juvéderm Lipstick Kit
SheaMoisture 100% Virgin Coconut Oil Body Lotion & Body Wash
Purely Elizabeth Strawberry Cauli Hot Cereal Cups
Enavant Active Sports Bra
House of Lashes Lash + Glue Set
ECO Therapy CBD Mint Box
J.R. Watkins Cleansing Hand Elixir
Each & Every Lavender & Lemon Deodorant
Juna Hemp Drops
Mane Club Dry Shampoo
Lora DiCarlo promo card
Califia Farms Nitro Latte Oatmilk
Note: If you are one of the first 250 ticket purchasers, the C&C team will reach out to you prior to the event.
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES?
Live chat with a C&C specialist on CreateCultivate.com. You’ll see a “Chat With Us” pop-up in the bottom right corner of your screen.
WE ARE SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU ONLINE! Who are you most excited to hear speak? Which workshop are you looking forward to most? Tell us in the comments below!
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50 Ways to Practice Self-Care and Prevent Burnout While Working From Home During COVID-19
Because, let's be honest, logging off at the end of the day is harder than ever.
Photo: Smith House Photography
Did you know that two in three workers today feel burned out? That’s not a difficult stat to believe considering American workers put in the most hours when compared to other industrialized nations like the United Arab Emirates and South Africa.
Now that we’re all working from home and sheltering in place in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis, logging off at the end of the day to maintain some semblance of work-life balance is harder than ever. But, guess what? If you keep going without stopping, your body will force you, eventually because you will burn out, which could mean that it will take you even longer to get back on track. As with everything, preventing is better than curing, so stop hustling and start healing before burnout sets in.
Here are 50 ways to practice self-care and prevent burnout while working from home during COVID-19, and be sure to scroll to the end to shop our Create & Cultivate Marketplace The Self-Care Bundle with a habits tracker, sleep log, self-care panel videos, and so much more!
1. Have a mini declutter session.
2. Get eight hours of sleep
3. Meditate for 5 minutes.
4. Watch your favorite movie.
5. Take an Epsom salt bath with lavender.
6. Burn your favorite candle.
7. Turn off your phone for a few hours.
8. Go for a walk.
9. Write yourself a love letter.
10. Make a list of goals.
11. Put some music on and dance away.
12. Make your favorite meal or snack.
13. Go outside and put your bare feet on the grass.
14. Take your vitamins.
15. Make a cup of tea.
16. Write down 10 things you’re grateful for.
17. Give yourself a manicure.
18. Do yoga or some stretching.
19. Pick some flowers and put them in a vase.
20. Write a self-love list.
21. Have an intense workout session.
22. Listen to your favorite song.
23. Wear your favorite outfit.
24. Learn something new.
25. Sing in the shower.
26. Write a letter to your future self.
27. Create a vision board.
28. Call someone you love.
29. Read a book.
30. Take a nap.
31. Write your favorite quotes on post-it notes and stick them around the house and office
32. Write affirmations and put them where you can see them every day.
33. Organize your closet.
34. Host a virtual game night.
35. Bake your favorite cookies.
36. Try a new recipe from a cookbook.
37. Show a random act of kindness.
38. Create a bucket list.
39. Write a kind note to someone.
40. Start a journal.
41. Sleep in.
42. Go outside, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and soak in the sun.
43. Listen to a podcast.
44. Watch a documentary and learn something new.
45. Get crafty.
46. Listen to nature sounds.
47. Make a playlist of your favorite songs.
48. Work on a puzzle.
49. Do something you’ve avoided.
50. Take a moment to reflect on your life and the good things.
Want another 50 ways to practice self-care and prevent burnout?
Add the Create & Cultivate Marketplace The Self-Care Bundle to your cart, or get unlimited access to our entire library of downloads and videos when you join Insiders.
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Does My Career Determine My Self Worth?
Nah or yah?
New expectations have begun to haunt women each day. In a world, full of Elaine Welteroth’s, Bozoma Saint John’s, and Sophia Amoruso’s — we feel the pressure to be our own badass career woman.
Scrolling through our social feeds to find these amazing women living out their dreams has altered our reality. Though encouraging and liberating for women in this generation, it can also be discouraging. Quotes such as “choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” can become discouraging to some when you’re constantly working towards choosing the job you love but you remain stuck in the job you have. You begin to look at yourself and start to believe that you must be doing something wrong (even though you're doing everything in your power to do everything right).
We are hungrier than ever to accomplish our goals and to take the career world by storm. Yet, our expected achievements don’t meet our timelines. We have done everything we can, from cold emailing to going door to door, but somehow, we can’t quite get to the girl boss level we’ve been working our ass off for. Some of us, such as myself, have played it by the book and have gone to college to retrieve that fancy (and expensive) piece of paper.
Now what?
After graduation, I acquired a job that most people would consider “a dream job”. And it was — until I hit a wall. I began to realize that I was not going to learn more than I was taught and a promotion was not coming my way for a while. I felt stuck and devalued. I knew in order to get to the place I wanted to be professionally, I had to make a change. I quit my job, packed up my bags, and moved back home with no job in sight. I took a leap of faith as all the enthusiasts like to encourage dreamers to do. Little did I know, this would be a full year of doors being slammed in my face.
"I knew in order to get to the place I wanted to be professionally, I had to make a change."
Months of applications, cold emails, networking, and going door to door turned into days of no callbacks and “you’re just not the right fit for us”. Other than the retail job I had to get me by — I was practically jobless. After a year of being jobless, I hit rock bottom and depression began to flood my veins. Was I not good enough? I had several internships in the past and over 2 years of professional experience yet I was not worthy enough to be hired.
The lack of success in my career hit me hard. I have always been labeled the go-getter and people looked to me for career advice. I felt my expectations and the expectations of others weigh down on me. Family, friends, and everyone around me saw my constant success for years and when I no longer had that, my identity faded. I realized that I correlated my worth with the success and pace of my career.
I had no desire for a love life, I happily accepted my singleness, and my career became the love of my life — this was my happy reality. Believe it or not, the Sex and the City and Cashmere Mafia lifestyle was #goals for me. Through this year of being jobless, I began to love myself less. What I valued most about myself was non-existent. If I’m not good enough to get a job after a full year, was I good enough at all?
At exactly a year, I finally got hired.
It wasn’t the job I dreamed of but it was a good start. Though back on my feet — I still felt incomplete.
This job did not match my vision. I molded a perfected version of my career since I was a young girl and that dream began to slowly slip away along with my worth. The power woman I thought I was and could potentially be slipped away with my lost worth.
Though I’d given up on myself, I knew that I would hate myself forever if I didn’t try picking myself back up. I couldn’t let my career slide to the waste side. After a month of feeling down – I picked myself back up and decided to keep moving forward. My career isn’t over and I am still worthy.
I began attending networking events again, cold emailing my career idols, and searching for freelance work that would help me stand out during my future job searches. I realized that I could never give up on myself and my dreams. My success does not determine my worth. Most importantly, I had to make opportunities for myself. Your current full-time money making job might suck but don’t limit yourself to that primary source of opportunity. Use your current sucky job as a stepping stone for something better. Make a gradual plan to your dream job and reach out for outside opportunities to spruce up your resume and to gain more experience in the meantime. That’s what you call grinding.
My success does not determine my worth.
Word of advice to ladies who are out there making it — share your struggles with others so that your fellow go-getters won’t feel alone. We need to know that this feeling won’t last forever. That’s more encouraging than cheesy quotes and fantasy pictures. For the ladies who are still trying to make it—think smart, keep working, and don’t lose sight of yourself when your dreams begin to break your heart.
And yes — one of my dreams was to write this very article for this amazing organization. If I can do it, you can too.
Epiphany Ciers is a Houstonian tackling the world of fashion. From writing to creating content, Epiphany has her hands in everything. Though determined to make it in the fashion world, Epiphany also has a passion for encouraging and motivating women. Follow her on IG @epiphany.ciers as she navigates the fashion industry and explores the world around her.
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11 Words To Eliminate from Your Vocabulary ASAP
#takecare love, Drake.
Photo credit: Smith House Photography
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Are you currently trying to lose weight, quit smoking, get more sleep or attain some other life-improvement goal? Do you find yourself saying any of these words to yourself? Which ones do you find yourself saying most often? What are you doing to counteract that negative effects? Have you noticed positive results from your positive thinking?
Here are 11 to eliminate from your vocab. Start with this weekend... see if it transfers into the week.
Thank us later.
#11 BUSY
Think you’re too busy to go to the gym or spend more time with your kids? Think again. If you tell yourself, ‘I’m too busy to do it because...’ you’ll always make yourself right, says author and personal development coach Noah St. John. “But you’re making excuses for yourself,” he says. “How much longer are you going to listen?” Figure out what your excuses are (like being too busy), and then start asking yourself the right kind of leading questions. Instead of “Why am I so busy?” ask yourself, “Why do I have so much time to do what I need to do?” St. John suggests. Even though you won’t feel like you have a lot of time at first, asking the question will lead your brain to seek the answer. The answer might be, “Because I have good time-management skills” or “Because I eliminated something nonessential from my schedule and replaced it with something more important.” Keep asking those types of “afformation questions,” and you’ll surprise yourself with the answers.
#10 NEVER
The old adage “never say never” is especially true when it comes to meeting your goals because it’s a toxic word that will sabotage your progress. “When you are trying to lose weight, for example, if your automatic thoughts are saying, ‘I’m never going to reach to my goal weight,’ and those are the words circling in your head, it will be almost impossible to lose weight because you’ve already set yourself up for failure,” says clinical psychologist Kate Cummins. Sure, it may take you a while to reach your goal weight, quit smoking or reach whatever personal development goal you’ve set for yourself, but it will happen with patience and persistence. “Instead of focusing on this negative self-talk, remember to tell yourself positive things,” Cummins says. “Write loving notes to yourself on your mirror like, ‘Hey there, healthy and slender woman,’ or ‘You got this—keep up the good work!’”
#9 SHOULD
“Saying ‘I should’ve gone for a run’ makes you feel guilty for not going on your run,” says life coach and author Belinda Anderson. “Instead, say ‘I intend to go for a run’ or ‘I choose not to go for a run today.’” The latter options are more empowering and give you back the decision-making authority. The word “should,” on the other hand, makes whatever task you feel like you should do seem tedious or undesirable. When you tell yourself that you’re choosing to do something—whether that’s going to the gym, quitting smoking, going to bed earlier or spending more of your time volunteering—your mind automatically reframes the task as something that you want to do, rather than something you’re forcing yourself to do. So replace “should” with words like “choose,” “intend,” “desire,” “want” or “could.”
#8 STUPID
Just as you want to avoid calling yourself (or anyone else) a failure, you really should avoid negative adjectives in general. “The mind is a heat-seeking missile—it will move rapidly in the direction you point it,” says personal and career coach Beverly Flaxington. “If your thoughts and beliefs are constantly negative, then failure is what you’ll get. You want to think, self-talk and out-loud talk only about what you want. Drop the negative viewpoints entirely. They are destructive.” So if you find yourself fixating on what you perceive as your negative aspects, choose to intentionally turn your thoughts around to focus on your strengths and abilities. Instead of saying, “I haven’t quit smoking yet; I’m so stupid,” tell yourself, “I am strong for making the decision to quit smoking.”
#7 TOMORROW
If you keep pushing things off until some distant tomorrow, you’ll never get them done. The common trap is to say, “Oh well, I didn’t eat well today, so my diet starts tomorrow.” But that allows you to keep delaying and to never really start. Instead, pick a concrete and realistic start date and stick to it. “Keep yourself accountable. If you don’t do it tomorrow, when will you do it?” says author and personal development coach Noah St. John. More than just a start date, though, you need to have a reason to keep you motivated. “You need to have a ‘why to,’ not just a ‘how to,’” says St. John. So whether that’s losing weight to lower your blood pressure and risk of diabetes or to quit smoking so you can set a good example for your kids or get fit so you can feel great in your bathing suit next summer, pick a reason and remind yourself of it daily.
#6 LUCKY
Sure, some days you might feel lucky—and that’s great! But you should never use luck as an excuse for why you can’t do something or to discredit someone else’s accomplishments by saying they’re lucky. “There is such a thing as luck,” says author and personal development coach Noah St. John, “but you need to marry luck with hard work.” A quote (erroneously attributed to Thomas Jefferson) states, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” St. John also warns against the temptation to compare your life to the lives of people you follow on social media. So while you’re envying someone’s abs or arms, don’t tell yourself that they’re just lucky, remind yourself that they had to work hard to achieve the body they have and that if you work hard, you can achieve your goals as well.
#5 FAILURE
Calling yourself a failure is a surefire way to ensure that you fail in whatever you do. In that sense, you are your own self-fulfilling prophecy. “You want to be the most positive coach to yourself that you can possibly be,” says Kate Cummins, Los Angeles-based licensed clinical psychologist. “So by doing that you take ‘I’m no good’ and change it into ‘I am good, and I’m going to do this’; or ‘I’m a failure’ into ‘I have failed in the past, but I have also won, and I will win this time.’” But, at the same time, you don’t want to lie to yourself. “Make sure you leave room for disappointment,” Cummins says. “If your expectations are perfection, you are setting yourself up for failure. Forgive yourself, be patient with change and give yourself room to grow.”
#4 CAN'T/WON'T
Saying things like “I can’t eat that pizza” and “I won’t lose weight if I don’t work out” is actually working against you. “When you are trying to make change happen, stay away from negative language,” says personal and career coach Beverly Flaxington. “It is important to fill the mind with the positive ‘what do you want’ ideas and not confuse it with negative terms. The mind will drop the ‘can’t’ or ‘won’t’ and will focus on what you do not want to do.” Plus, many times those can’t and won’t statements simply aren’t true. Instead, focus on what you can and will do. Tell yourself things like “I can have one cheat meal a week,” “I have plenty of healthy and delicious snacks to keep me full” or “I will lose weight because I’m sticking to my workout routine.” The one exception to this, of course, is actual physical limitations. If you truly can’t eat something because of food sensitivities or do something in the gym because of an injury or physical handicap, your mind may naturally remind you as a protection mechanism. Still, it’s important to focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t.
#3 TOO MUCH/NOT ENOUGH
It’s easy to think that we’re either too much of the wrong thing or not enough of the right thing. But that just reinforces the embedded presupposition factor of the brain, says Noah St. John, author of “Book of Afformations” and founder of SuccessClinic.com. “If you ask yourself, ‘Why am I not enough?’ your brain naturally starts to search for the answer, acting like a computer or Internet search. You find whatever you’re searching for.” Rather than presupposing you’re not good enough, St. John recommends “afformations” (no, that’s not a typo), which reframe your questions to lead your mind to search for better answers and avoid the endless repetition of the commonly prescribed “affirmations.” In this case, try asking yourself “Why am I enough?” You’ll set your brain on the right path and you’ll be delightfully surprised with what your mind can come up with. To paraphrase Henry Ford: “Whether you think you’re wrong or you’re right, you are.”
#2 JUST/ONLY
How many times have you caught yourself saying, “I only ran three miles today,” or “I'm just emailing you to let you know...” or “I just did a yoga DVD” (as opposed to an intense gym session)? It’s time to put a stop to that. “Avoid thinking of any day as test of your character,” says Emily Balcetis, associate professor of psychology at New York University. “Whether you run three miles or only three blocks, today is not a statement about you as a person.” Instead, take every day as a chance to progress a little bit further. “People who approach challenges and goals with a growth mindset rather than as a test of their fixed nature don’t see setbacks as failures but as opportunities to develop skills and learn better habits,” she says. So even if you didn’t run as far as you wanted to on a given day, tell yourself that, regardless of how many miles you logged, any run is better than no run and that you were able to make time in your busy schedule to do something good for yourself.
#1 FAT/UGLY
Women may be notoriously guilty of saying, “I look fat today,” and it’s human nature to be self-deprecating. But in order to form a better (not to mention more accurate) self-image, it’s important to get rid of negative adjectives. “You don’t want to associate with negative terms,” says Beverly Flaxington, author of “Self-Talk for a Calmer You" and The Human Behavior Coach. “Catch yourself using self-defeating talk and make a conscious choice to change the talk. Instead of ‘fat’ you are ‘getting healthier,’ instead of ‘ugly’ you are ‘beautiful in my own way.’ You may not believe these things if you use overly positive language, so I advocate for using something more neutral to replace negative terms.”
What words do you say instead? Share your thoughts, questions and suggestions in the comments section below.
The original version of this post appeared on LIVESTRONG.com
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How To Meditate At Work When It All Becomes Too Much
Woosah.
We've all felt stressed the F out at work, and that's probably never going to change—sorry. But rather than sulking into your anxious state of mind, why not try and get your zen on like all of the wellness bloggers you follow? Believe it or not, you can get in your zone at work and not feel like the workday took you down. Here's how to chill and stay chill at work when your inbox looks like it's at a million.
Practice Breathing Exercises
As basic as breathing exercises may sound, they're a huge help when it comes to relieving stress. Taking deep breaths slows down your heart rate and helps reduce the sense of anxiety. Getting your stress under control is one way to improve your health, and breathing exercises can help get you there. Hillary Clinton even used alternate nostril breathing as a way to cope with getting through the 2016 election. Hey, if it’s good enough for a presidential candidate, it’s good enough for us.
Plug In Your Headphones
It’s obviously not chill to blast any audio from your work computer, especially if you don’t have your own office. For us desk babes, headphones are heaven sent when it comes to meditating. When you get to squeeze in some downtime, take advantage of pre-recorded meditation sessions from YouTube and some binaural beats. You’ll get in a meditation session at your desk or zone out to some chill tunes without anyone around you getting disturbed.
Download An App
Stepping out for lunch today? Download a meditation app such as Head Space or Calm and get your moment of zen. These guided meditations are right in the palm of your hand and are great for the times you’re able to get outside and catch some fresh air. Look out for meditations that help kickstart your creative juices and productivity so that you can kill the rest of the workday. The best part about these is that they’re usually short, and you won’t face the guilt of being away from your desk for too long.
Try Team Meditation
Get your fellow boss ladies (and guys!) involved in your meditation. It’s honestly something we can all benefit from and will help everyone get their work done more effectively. Book the biggest conference room you can find, preferably in the middle of the workday, and play a guided meditation out loud for you all to follow. If you live in a larger city, there are plenty of meditating professionals who work with companies all of the time. Grab an expert to come along and show you and your coworkers the best way to stay balanced and refreshed in your office.
By: Andrea Navarro
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Why 80% of New Year's Resolutions Fail by Mid-February
And what you can do about it.
photo credit: Elle Magazine
Written by: Marah Lidey, co-founder Shine
In the day or two after New Year’s Eve, you likely process a mix of feelings: euphoria and hope for a new year, resolve to change those ‘bad habits’ that held you back last year -- and often, a fresh perspective on who you are and where you see yourself going.
You probably set some goals. But not your friendly neighborhood diner type of goals. No, you set Michelin-star, creme-brulee-boasting, so-fancy-they-serve-the-salad-with-the-baby-fork restaurant type of goals.
You want to work on that six pack every day of the week, write a bestselling novel, give up being the ‘always late’ coworker, save 80% of the money you're making and call that long-distance friend everyday to check in.
We all set lofty goal for ourselves with each new year. Our ambition is one of the many things that makes us so amazing as humans.
There’s just one part of the whole New Year’s resolutions formula that tends to go awry. Our goals often aren’t sustainable.
Change is hard overnight, and when we set unrealistic, binary milestones for ourselves and subsequently struggle to reach them in a short timeframe, we crash and burn.
In fact, USA Today reported that by mid-February, eighty percent of resolutions fail.
The good news? There’s an antidote that is 100% within our control: setting goals with self-compassion.
In it’s simplest terms, self-compassion means being kind to ourselves when we feel inadequate or slip up. It's been proven to lead to greater emotional wellbeing and is linked to less depression, anxiety and stress.
Psychologist and researcher, Dr. Kristen Neff, defines self-compassion in three abilities: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
Self-kindness
...is about flipping the script and reserving judgement on ourselves (studies have shown that we are 3 times more likely to feel compassion for a total stranger).
If we are struggling to meet a goal, there are probably valid reasons. Recognize that you’re going to do the best you can, and when you have off days - empathize with where you’re coming from.
Common humanity
...is about realizing that we all are imperfect beings.
Recognizing that you’re not alone and that you will doubtlessly hit roadblocks along the way, can empower you to rely on community and support for others in moments of self-criticism. There is a 100% chance that someone else has felt exactly the way you do, whether you’re crushing it or struggling.
“Self compassion helps bridge the gap between who we feel we are and who we really are.”
Mindfulness
...is about cultivating an awareness. We can’t be kind to ourselves or rely on the power in shared humanity if we don’t recognize when we’re being particularly hard ourselves.
As Dr. Anna Rowley, Psychologist and millenniall wellbeing expert says, “we can separate ourselves from our negative thinking or feelings of inadequacy. Your boss chews you out for a report she doesn’t like. You have a choice - dwell on what a failure you are or practice mindfulness and acknowledge the feedback and do better next time. By separating ourselves from the emotion - anger, frustration, or self pity - we are available to problem solve.”
Did you know? We are 3 times more likely to feel compassion for a total stranger than for ourselves.
Unfortunately there is a common misconception, that being compassionate with ourselves means that we’re going to take it easy, give ourselves a pass to never improve or become set in our ways.
But the reality is, that when we focus on empathizing with ourselves and meeting ourselves where we are - we can set goals that build on our strengths and realistically help us improve.
“Self compassion helps bridge the gap between who we feel we are and who we really are,” says Dr. Rowley.
She continues:
“Resolutions are hard to change because we are trying to alter aspects of ourself we aren’t happy with or behaviors we may have ‘lived’ for a long, long time. Many of us set unrealistic or unreasonable goals.
For example, "I will go to the gym 4 times this week”might be a tough resolution to keep if you have never been to a gym before or you are embarrassed walking into a room full of strangers grunting and heaving. Self compassion is about reducing the risk of feeling like a failure if you don’t nail your immediate goal.
It also helps us set more realistic compassionate goals. Rather than join a gym I’ll go for a walk or next time I shop I’ll look for a more healthy choice of foods. Self-compassion can help us make smarter choices and offer a helping hand when we mess up - and we will mess up.”
So, this year as you continue to grow, evolve and work on yourself - remember to set goals that allow you to be kind to yourself.
Sign up for Shine to set an intention and track your goals for the year.
The original version of this article appeared on Shine.