Cure the Bunnyitis: 5 Ways to Speak With More Confidence

The following is an edited excerpt from Step into Your Moxie by Alexia Vernon.

As women, we often spend several hours curating what we are going to wear before a job interview, an important client meeting, or an appearance onstage. Our clothing provides context, and when not done right, disruption, to the ideas we speak and argue on behalf of. Yet I’m also making an impassioned plea that we put as much energy into choosing our words. To step into the fullest expression of your moxie, you need to address these linguistic “bunny habits” that can diminish your impact—even when you think you are communicating with a positive mindset.

Here are some of the most important bunny habits to conquer:

Making unnecessary “I think,” “I feel,” “I believe,” “I mean” statements

Whenever you open your mouth to speak, it’s inferred that what you are about to say is what you think, feel, believe, or mean. Yet women will often plug the word I, followed by one of these verbs, at the start of an idea they are sharing. When we do this, we send the message, “What I’m saying is untested. I might be wrong. And whether or not I am, don’t take what I’m saying too seriously. I’m swimming in self-doubt.”

Using too many adjectives and adverbs

Most women are adept at describing people, feelings, situations, and so forth with descriptive words. Real influence, though, comes from showing our own and others’ qualities in action. For example, rather than saying, “I’m a hard worker,” show how you identified a solution to a problem your team presented you with: “I reduced our expenses by 20 percent and increased our net revenue by 30 percent.” When we overuse adjectives and adverbs, it often signals that we are choosing ineffective verbs, which leads me to the third bad-bunny habit.

Overusing weak verbs

We make poor verb choices several ways. Often we use passive verbs. We consistently make statements like, “I am working hard in my career” instead of, “I secured twice as many contracts for my company than projected.” Or we say, “She is a great speaker” rather than, “Her words elicit trust and commitment.” Other times, we fail to select verbs that convey our unique point of view. Did she “walk into the room” or did she “saunter?” Are you “finding your voice” or are you “reclaiming, and shouting from the rooftop, your point of view?” Strong verb choices empower our communication.

Asking unnecessary approval-seeking questions

When you find yourself about to ask a question because you are seeking approval or validation, skip it. Examples of this include questions like, “Do you agree? What do you think? Want to give it a try?” Instead, share what you think, feel, believe, and mean (without saying think, feel, believe, and mean). “Our country needs more female CEOs.” Or “Butternut squash ravioli followed by a tiramisu and Italian coffee is the best. dinner. on. Earth.” And, thanks to your modeling, other people will likely tell you what they think and feel too.

Using “Sorry” when you are anything but

The chief way to go bunny is by saying “I’m sorry”—and usually, it’s when we have no reason to be. “I’m sorry, I actually asked for the dressing on the side.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that email.” “I’m sorry, I have something to say, dang it, gimme some face time!” We might say I’m sorry because we feel as if we have inconvenienced someone when we are asserting ourselves. Sometimes we say “I’m sorry” because it feels like the polite thing to do. Other times we do it because, knowingly or not, we are actually hoping for others to take responsibility for their mistakes. Certainly there are times when an “I’m sorry” is warranted. And during these times, we have an opportunity and responsibility to say how we have learned from our mistake and how we will self-correct moving forward. Cleaning up messes is sexy; so is stepping into one’s moxie.

Alexia Vernon is the author of Step into Your Moxie. Branded a “Moxie Maven” by President Obama’s White House Office of Public Engagement, she is a sought-after speaking and leadership coach who delivers transformational keynotes and corporate trainings for Fortune 500 companies and other professional groups and organizations, including the United Nations and TEDx. Visit her online at www.alexiavernon.com.

Excerpted from the book Step into Your Moxie: Amplify Your Voice, Visibility, and Influence in the World. Copyright ©2018 by Alexia Vernon. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

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How to Use Public Speaking to Build Your Brand

Have you ever looked at speakers on a stage and thought – how do I get there?  How can I become confident, clear on my message, have the courage to stand in front of so many people and share what I love and what I know?

Well you’re not alone.  As we move into the era of what I like to call the ‘Power Personal Brand’ where we follow people who have something to say and who say it so well, the personal brand has become the visual connector that we have to people and content that we love. In this digital age, having something to say and saying it well can be the difference between mega success and getting lost in the crowd. 

Now when I talk about public speaking and presenting I think of it as speaking to a group from 2 people to 200,000 people.  It doesn’t really matter the size, your ability to impact and connect with 1 person is just as important as the masses.

So if owning the stage is something that you would love to do here are some of my tips on presenting with power and purpose and getting the gigs that you want.

BE CLEAR ON YOUR MESSAGE

One: decide what your message is. This may sound simple, but what will you talk about exactly?  If you can decide on 1 – 4 topics that you cover then it makes easy for event managers and hosts to know if you’re right for their business, event, and audience.  If you’re able to give a clear outline then it makes for an easy decision. I’m sure that you already have a number of topics that you focus on in your business, so go with those. Consistency of message across all your platforms is what builds brands, so bang that drum!

"Consistency of message across all your platforms is what builds brands, so bang that drum!"

Tweet this. 

SHOUT IT OUT

If you want to be a speaker then let people know by creating a speakers page. Creating a speakers page means that it’s easy for those who come to your website or blog to see that you’re a speaker. They can see what you talk about, where you’ve spoken before, and they can see what others have said about their experience with you as a speaker. 

TESTIMONIALS

If you’ve spoken before and have testimonials then those are also a great thing to provide event organizers.  Knowing that you’re an engaging speaker whose personality is congruous to my brand is really important to me as well as an event organizer.  My brand personality is bold, fun, and focused on educational content, so my speakers need to be like that as well.  If you’re able to show the type of content you share and the way in which you share it then you’ll appeal to the right event organizers.

GETTING STARTED & FINDING GIGS

 

So where to start?  There are a couple of things you can do to get started.  One of the easiest things to do is to run your own event.  This means that you could have from 5-50 people, whatever works for you and test your message and talk it out. This could be free or charged. By doing this you’ll get a feel for what works for you when you’re speaking and what doesn’t. It may also mean that you’re able to get testimonials for your speaker’s page.

CONNECT WITH EVENT ORGANIZERS 

If running an event sends you into cold sweats then it’s time to connect with others who run events and see if you’re the right type of speaker for them. I’ve spoken in paid and unpaid workshops and events for other women who run networking groups and events and that’s worked well for me.  As an international conference speaker I also connect with those who run large scale conferences to ensure that I build a relationship with them for future events.

GOOGLE IT! 

I secured a speaking event this year by Googling – ‘speaking opportunities in Melbourne’ and applying when I saw one that I thought was a good fit for me.  Not only did I make some awesome connects at this event but I also gained a number of new clients. The event was unpaid but is still benefiting my business today.

PROMOTE YOURSELF

I saw a video on Facebook recently of someone advertising that they are open to speaking at events.  It shared some information on where they had spoken before and what they speak about.  Now you may not want to go that far (or maybe you do) but like anything in your business, if you want to build up your reputation in a certain area then you need to be out there sharing it.  Social proof is always a great way to do that.  When I get the professional photos back from places that I’ve spoken then I put them up on my social channels as well as my website to build up the social proof of what I’ve done.  I always connect it with a testimonial where I can so that there is a visual as well as praise for a job well done.  

HAVE A GOAL

With any speaking gig I do, I have a clear goal.  The goal is convey a specific message, to connect with certain people, to entertain, educate or inspire. Know what your goal is and ensure that you set yourself up to be successful in achieving that goal.  I’ve worked with women who have no idea what they want to get out of the experience and therefore miss an opportunity.

Speaking is one of the quickest ways to reach a large audience in a single instant, so if it’s something you’re looking to do, I would say go for it. 

I’d love to know - what’s your biggest fear, worry or barrier to speaking?

An original version of this article appeared on Blog Society. 

Suzanne Chadwick is a Business & Brand strategy coach and the CEO of The Connection Exchange providing coaching, training & events for women in business and supporting them to build their business, brand and bottom line. As an international conference speaker and trainer, Suzanne also coaches women to create the ‘Power Personal Brand’ through public speaking and Owning the Stage.  You can find and connect with Suzanne on Facebook and Twitter.

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