Can You *Really* Check Email Once a Day? Why One CEO Says Yes
An out of office message is key.
Photo: Daria Shevtsova from Pexels
Imagine a world where you only check your email once a day. Sounds pretty great, huh? Unfortunately, being that out of reach would have most employees fired on day one, but for Kate Unsworth, founder and CEO of London tech company Vinaya, a rarely checked inbox is her reality.
In an interview, Unsworth said she reduced her email traffic by 70% last month by turning on a 24/7 out-of-office note and only checking in occasionally. Why so distant? She, like so many of us, previously had a job that required her to read emails from the moment she woke up to the instant she fell asleep at night. After a quarter-life crisis, she got permission from her boss to only check her email twice each day and stay completely offline before and after hours. Yes, a miracle of sorts. And after seeing a huge improvement in her well-being and quality of work, she took it a step further after founding her own company that focuses on improving digital habits through technology.
Sadly, not all of us are currently in a place (yet!) where we can hop into our inbox once each day and only spend a total of five minutes on social media. Of course, a digital detox would be nice, but we also need those paychecks. Luckily, there are a handful of ways to establish digital boundaries to stay sane and still keep your boss happy.
1. Acknowledge you want to put up digital boundaries in the first place.
It seems simple, but if you want to set digital boundaries for yourself, your boss has to be aware, too. And there’s no way that’s happening until you mention it. “First decide what you want to achieve by putting up boundaries, then once you’ve identified the goal, you can find the best boundary. For more efficient, interruption-free periods of work, turn your ‘out of office’ message on your email and messaging, but let people know how they can reach you if it’s an urgent matter. For example, they can give you a call if they need anything. Then if you get a call, you know you have to pick up,” says Cali Yost, CEO and founder of Flex + Strategy Group.
Don’t just say you want boundaries, though—make sure your employer knows why it’s important to you and your well-being.
“It can be stressful setting boundaries because you want to provide as much value as possible for your company, but you can’t sacrifice things you love. Be very clear with yourself on what you can compromise and what in your personal life you are not willing to change,” says Heather R. Ruhman, founder and president of Come Recommended.
2. Establish a regular stopping time.
This is key, especially in the beginning stages of a job. Once you’re in a solid routine of staying at your desk until 9 p.m. every night, it’s going to feel weird if you suddenly start leaving at 6. Since you spend the majority of your time at work, having set start and endpoints is crucial.
“While it may feel great to be needed all the time, it’s not healthy nor productive. Create a set time to cut off all work-related emails, messages, web searches, and phone calls. Your team will respect you more for valuing your personal life, and it will help you shift your mindset from work to home once you’ve established a defined time. It may be best to turn off email push notifications on your phone at your stopping time,” Ruhman says.
3. Download an app or plug-in to help focus on what’s important.
Unsworth says she uses Stay Focused to combine all her social accounts and keep her time spend scrolling through her newsfeed in check. Just think about how many hours you spend each day stalking through Facebook and double-tapping pictures on Instagram—it’s probably more than you think. Having emails to respond to all day can feel suffocating at times, but it’s always good to make sure your digital boundaries are set in and outside of the workplace. Because the last thing you want to do is spend the entire time you’re with friends and family with a phone glued to your face.
An original version of this article appeared on Levo.
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This post was originally published on January 20, 2016, and has since been updated.
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5 Strategies for Working From Home With Children From a Successful Entrepreneur
You got this, Mom!
Photo: Courtesy of Karrie Brady
With working-from-home becoming a new norm around the world, many parents have had to transition to a whole new work-life balance.
Between daycares, nannies, and sitters now being unavailable, to schools transitioning to online classes, while others are canceling classes altogether—parents are left to navigate a whole new work-from-home balance with their children. With a lot more on everyone’s plate at home, this can cause a great deal of stress for your work and your little ones.
With the risk of increased burnout and stress navigating this new normal, I’m here to share a few of my favorite tips from my own experience as an entrepreneur and mom so you can come out on the other end, stronger than ever before.
Here are five tips for creating the space and strategy you need to build a successful work-life balance right now.
1. Make a Plan
Schedule and batch your work around your child’s napping and sleeping schedule. This will be a savior for when unexpected deadlines come up or for when you need dedicated time set aside to get some of your core projects done.
Batching your work also creates a healthy balance for the time dedicated to work and the time devoted to your family. For example, I try to avoid conference calls in the morning when my daughter is having breakfast. That way, I can stay present and be with her before I start my workday.
Also, don’t underestimate the power of getting up before your kids to start the day with some peaceful, uninterrupted work! Sometimes you just need some quiet time to get stuff done.
“
It’s okay to have help, you don’t have to do it alone, I promise.
”
—Karrie Brady
2. Create a Dedicated Work Space
It can be tough working from home while your children are also home all day. That’s why it’s so essential to have a dedicated room, office, or even a simple space for your work. This helps to remove distractions when you do have team or client calls, webinars, etc., and this can help create healthy boundaries with your little ones in terms of where they can “play,” and where you work.
3. Hire Help in Your Business
Hire help. Yesterday. Whether that’s a virtual assistant, copywriter, or operations lead, hire someone who can help you streamline your processes and give you back the time you need to spend on your business. Outsourcing is a very under-utilized tool by most people, but moms especially. It’s okay to have help, you don’t have to do it alone, I promise.
4. Create Non-Negotiable Boundaries
For a lot of companies that are navigating this work-from-home dynamic for the first time with their employees, lines can become blurry in terms of how “available” you’re expected to be and when you can and should “leave” work. This is when it’s crucial to create non-negotiable boundaries for yourself and your work. Try to create “working hours” around the time you want to have to yourself and quality time with your family. Not only will you and your family benefit from this consistent, quality time that you’re getting together, but your work will benefit, too.
“T
he best way to navigate this new norm is to welcome each day with grace. Not every day is going to be the same.
”
—Karrie Brady
5. Batch Your Work Schedule
Try to focus on relevant and specific tasks for a blocked period of time. I recommend batching creative projects on different days to stay in a creative energy and mindset. By batching your tasks, you’re able to stay in the same energy and mindset while accomplishing more because you’re not multitasking.
To balance the time I spend on my business and with my family, I have to make both schedules work together. So I organize conference calls around my daughter’s nap schedule, and once she goes to bed for the night, I continue my work until a set time to wrap up any loose ties before the end of the night. It’s not a typical 9-5 routine, but I get to devote time to successfully completing tasks in my business and spending quality time with my family.
To be honest, the best way to navigate this new norm is to welcome each day with grace. Not every day is going to be the same, but if you have a rough plan and routine in place, you’ll be in good shape to create a healthy balance between thriving in your business and your home life.
About the Author: Karrie Brady is a speaker, educator, and sales expert specializing in sales and marketing. She’s worked with over 500 entrepreneurs, helping them leave their 9-5s, build their savings to six-figures, and cumulatively make over $2,000,000 online. Karrie’s passion is helping entrepreneurs combine soul-level connection and radical profit. Raising babies and building businesses, this mama has sold millions in the online space and is ready to help you do the same.
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18 Women With Stressful Jobs on the TV Shows They Binge-Watch to Unwind
Tune in to tune out.
Photo: Vincent Rivaud for Pexels
It’s safe to say stress levels are at an all-time high. The Dow Jones had its worst day since the 1987 crash, nearly 10 million people have filed for unemployment benefits in the past two weeks alone, and have we mentioned we’re in the midst of an unprecedented public health pandemic? If you’re in need of a bit of escapism (because, honestly, who couldn’t use a break from the anxiety-inducing headlines RN?), scroll on.
Ahead, we tapped 18 women with stressful jobs to find out which TV shows help them unwind at the end of a long day. Whether you’re drawn to dramas filled with heartfelt moments and melodramatic soundtracks or you have an affinity for comedies that make you laugh so hard you start to cry, here are the shows you should tune in to in order to tune out, according to founders, CEOs, and all-around bosses.
Founder & CEO, Chillhouse
The Show: “New Girl”
Why She Loves It: “‘New Girl,’ forever and always. It’s become my new ‘Friends.’ I put it on right before I want to close my eyes and it makes me doze off in complete ease every time.”
Financial Advisor, O'Keeffe Financial Partners
The Shows: “Workin’ Moms,” “I’m Sorry,” and “Better Call Saul”
Why She Loves It: "I am a TV addict so I have a huge list of shows. My go-to's for a good laugh are 'Workin' Moms' (Netflix), 'I'm Sorry' (Andrea Savage is just the best), and 'Better Call Saul' because it's BRILLIANT."
Founder, Megababe
The Show: “90 Day Fiancé”
Why She Loves It: “I could give you a million reasons why I love it. One of my favorite things about it is that I like watching people having to adapt to other cultures… all while they start a new relationship!”
Co-Founder, Canyon Coffee
The Show: “Law and Order: SVU”
Why She Loves It: ”I would have to say my go-to show is ‘Law and Order: SVU!’ I grew up watching with my mom and it was something we always put on together at night. It gets you out of your own head and engaged in a whole other world.”
Founder & CEO, Jiggy
The Shows: “The Office” and “American Idol”
Why She Loves It: "My go-to TV show to unwind is ‘The Office’—it's easy, fun, and can be watched in any order. I never get through an episode without laughing out loud. (Plus, I understand so many more memes/quotes now!). I also rediscovered “American Idol” recently and it's so heartwarming, I've been loving it."
Co-Founder & Chief Education Officer, Prima
The Show: “The Bachelor”
Why She Loves It: “There is no rational reason why this concept could work, but somehow people really do find love. There have been so many Bachelor marriages and babies and I love getting lost in an episode after a long day.”
Financial Expert & Founder, My Fab Finance
The Show: “90 Day Fiancé”
Why She Loves It: "I think a lot with my day-to-day work. This show literally allows me to get lost in the problems and dealings of others. I'm so fascinated by the lengths people will go for the idea of love.”
Tracey Hummel
Founder, Bee & Kin
The Show: “Friday Night Lights”
Why She Loves It: “To de-stress and unwind, I've been on this binge of watching old TV shows that I never got to watch when they were airing! So I just started watching ‘Friday Night Lights’ and it's addictive. It helps me decompress after days of working from home. I love watching something that I can really get into and not think about what's going on in the world for at least 45 minutes. It also gives me hope that we will get back to some sort of normalcy sooner than later.”
Daniella Mizrahi
Founder, Yella Activewear
The Shows: “Workin’ Moms” and “Schitt's Creek”
Why She Loves It: “Comedic relief and a reminder/appreciation of simpler times!”
Amanda Greeley
Founder, Thelma
The Show: “Curb Your Enthusiasm”
Why She Loves It: “I've been enjoying the new season of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ (sad to say the finale just aired). Some Larry David humor can always make me laugh. Maybe it's time to dip into the archives.”
Gretchen Maclver
Founder, Treehouse Kidswear
The Shows: “McMillions” and “Tiger King”
Why She Loves It: “I started watching ‘McMillions’ just before the COVID-19 crisis broke out and binged my way through it as I was working late in the evenings. However, my true guilty pleasure is now Netflix’s ‘Tiger King,’ which I just discovered. It not only reminds me that it could be worse (as in, my husband could be tiger bait... or, worse, I’d be willing to volunteer him as tiger bait), but I can’t help but chuckle imagining what state we’d currently be in if Joe Exotic had been elected, you know, I can’t say for certain, but I think it would be worse? This show has forced me to drop everything I’m doing and totally tune in, which is a pretty great release. Watch it. Your. Mouth. Will. Drop. And, it just keeps getting better with each episode.”
Founder & CEO, Andie
The Show: “Friends”
Why She Loves It: “It's been my go-to since high school. There's something so relaxing about tuning in to watch their issues, heartbreaks, wins. It never gets old and it really helps me de-stress and unwind.”
Fatma Collins
Co-Founder & CEO, Ten Little
The Show: “Self Made”
Why She Loves It: “I just watched ‘Self Made’ on Netflix this week. It was inspired by the Life of Madam C. J. Walker, who built a beauty empire that challenged the status quo in challenging times, and became America’s first self-made female millionaire. As a female entrepreneur who is building a new brand during these uncertain times, Madam C. J. Walker’s determination was inspiring. The feel-good nature of the series helped lift up my spirits and find comfort in other founder’s stories.”
Co-Founder & CEO, Favour Gum
The Show: Whatever is currently on the Food Network
Why She Loves It: “For me, it’s Food Network all the way (with a little reality TV mixed in, if I’m being honest)—which is kind of nerdy, but I think it speaks to why I love cooking in the first place. During the week, I make it a point to come home from work and cook dinner every night—as it truly is a time where I can destress/unwind, and not be distracted by my phone or computer screen. Even if it’s a 20-minute meal, taking that little amount of time to myself to get creative in the kitchen, helps me to re-focus on whatever I need to tackle next.”
Co-Founder, Favour Gum
The Shows: “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel,” “60 Minutes,” and “Later... with Jools Holland”
Why She Loves It: “I love to unwind with HBO’s ‘Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.’ I save the episodes and watch 20 minutes at a time. They are like small documentaries mostly dealing with athletes journeys the good and the bad. On Sunday nights, ‘60 Minutes’ is still my favorite. I also search for ‘Later... with Jools Holland,’ one night catching Kings of Leon, Sting, M83 and Jimmy Page. The show is groundbreaking and cast in such a unique way. It’s on my DVR ,I’m a music lover so when this is on I’m locked in :).)”
Founder & CEO, StackedSkincare
The Shows: “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and “Schitt’s Creek”
Why She Loves It: ”’Curb Your Enthusiasm’ and ‘Schitt’s Creek’ are hilarious and perfect to get my mind off the insanity!”
Rachel Sanders
Co-Founder & Co-CEO, Rootine Vitamins
The Shows: “Grey's Anatomy,” “Gilmore Girls,” and “Entourage”
Why She Loves It: ”I am a big proponent of re-watching series I have previously loved to destress/unwind—very low stress and super easy and fun entertainment. Recently, I have been re-watching ‘Grey's Anatomy,’ which has brought back some fun memories as I started watching the show with my mother when I was much younger. Once I am done, I am planning to re-watch ‘Gilmore Girls!’ I am from a smaller town in Connecticut and I always loved the reminder of home, especially during these times when I can't really travel to see my family in CT. My husband and I also started re-watching ‘Entourage’ together, a welcome bit of comedic relief!”
General Manager, United States, The Body Shop
The Shows: “Below Deck,” “Summer House,” and “Billions”
Why She Loves It: “A lot of Bravo. It’s one of my favorite things to watch, especially recently. Some of my favorites are ‘Below Deck’ and ‘Summer House.’ But for when I do switch it up a bit, I really love to watch ‘Billions.’”
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Five Ways to Find Career Compatibility with Your Life Partner
Don’t choose between a career and a relationship.
In 2019, more men and women are entering the workforce than before, pushing many of society’s antiquated norms. Just a few decades ago, men were often the only ones to venture into the workforce, leaving women to tend growing families and other household responsibilities. Now that many couples are pursuing simultaneous careers, the dynamics of their relationship have begun to shift in a major way.
There are many ways that two individual career paths can affect and ultimately harm a relationship if issues are not identified head-on. If you find yourself recently exhausted with both your career and your relationship, here’s how you can balance the scales.
Discuss the expected “division of labor” in the home.
It’s easy to slip into society’s pre-set roles where somehow the woman feels responsible for cleaning the house and making dinner, even after working her own shift in the field. In order to avoid the frustration that the infamous “second shift” can bring, sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about what needs to be expected of both of you. By setting expectations, it will be easier to know what you need to accomplish at the end of the day and will ward off those exhausting fights that pop up when you’re both hungry!
Invest in one another’s goals and dreams in the workplace
While you’re each on a different path in your careers, it’s important to take time to support the other’s career and interests as often as possible. This could include going to a networking event with them that may be outside of your comfort zone, or giving them an online class that touches on something they’ve said they want to get better at. By just showing your partner that you support their career—and vice versa—your relationship will naturally grow stronger.
Use one another as a sounding board for career advice
Not too long ago, my significant other and I sat down with a glass of wine and discussed my upcoming performance review. I was going to ask for a title and pay increase, and I was so nervous. After going through scenarios and explaining lessons we’ve each learned in the past, I felt much more confident about my meeting. While it doesn’t always need to be a sit-down discussion, asking one another's opinions about issues that are coming up at work really helps to draw a team mentality that is very healthy for your relationship.
Find ways to include your partner at work when they physically can’t be present
There’s nothing I find shadier than not knowing when a coworker I am close with has a significant other that they never discuss. It’s important to introduce your partner to your coworkers, even before they can physically meet. By sharing tidbits of your life outside of work, you are not only solidifying your relationship with your coworkers, but also making sure that your partner feels welcome when they come to your work functions.
Schedule time to invest in your relationship without work distractions
Whether or not you have conflicting schedules, make a point to set aside time where the two of you are able to reconnect without the distractions of a work phone or even “shop talk.” Spend these moments completely present with one another. Use this opportunity to bring up things that may need to be fixed in the relationship, or discuss ways you appreciate one another’s efforts during especially hectic times. These designated dates will be the crucial part to being 100% on board with your partner’s career while still feeling as though they are also putting the effort into your relationship.
Implementing even just one of these ideas on a regular basis can begin to reshape not only your individual relationship and career, but also push against what was once the “status-quo.” As the years roll by, generational change is inevitable—and so are the tactics we need to employ against having to choose between our love lives and a fulfilling career.
Samantha Rosenfeld spends 40-some hours a week working to promote the study of surface science as the head of North American Marketing for a German-based manufacturing company. Outside of that (and any time in between) she creates content and marketing campaigns for her freelance clientele and professional development website, Samantha Rosenfeld Marketing. Follow her at @FormativeStory on Twitter or @FormativeStoryteller on Instagram.
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Matte Matters: The Four Times This Moisturizer Will Save Your Face
Day to night and everything in between.
How much time do you spend getting ready in the AM? An hour? Five minutes? Whether you clock 60 seconds or 60 minutes in front of your bathroom mirror, every on-the-go working woman could use something to keep her skin fresh from day to date. Or day to drinks with a potential client. Or when she’s simply in a rush, because that’s the world we live in.
Like we always do, we’ve got a simple solution.
And we’ve rounded up four totally normal day-to-day situations where Origins new deliciously hydrating Original Skin Matte Moisturizer will save you.
#1 Your alarm fails to go off.
It happens to the best of us. You set your AM alarm for plenty of prep time before a big meeting. But something happens (whether you hit snooze, or phone dies, or simply tech fails you) and you wake up with stressful serious time crunch. All you need to do is splash a little water on your face, brush your teeth, and smooth on this unique moisturizer for skin that looks as good naked as it does glam’d up.
It’s an innovative pink water cream that hydrates while absorbing excess oil in a flash.
And flash-forward, you’re on your way, miraculously on time, and looking like a fresh-faced babe.
#2 You’ve got drinks after work with a potential client, but are heading straight from a meeting.
Given that the moisturizer is matte and helps prime for makeup, it’s perfect for situations like this. First, it moisturizes your face during the day, which means it’s ready for you to throw on some makeup before your meet up.
You don’t have to worry about getting oily during the day because of the pink water cream.
#3 You’ve stayed up super late working on a presentation, but don’t want to look tired when you present.
You’re in luck. The matte’s main ingredients are exactly what your skin needs. You’ve done the work prep, so let them do your face prep.
Canadian Willowherb: found in Northern Canadian prairies, helps delete dullness and restore skin’s ideal glow.
Pink Rock Rose: grown in the Mediterranean and traditionally used in herbal medicine, helps to keep skin looking healthy and glowing with its calming and soothing capabilities.
Persian Silk Tree: native to SouthEast Asia, is known to have stress-relieving properties and is called the Tree of Happiness because of its calming herbal properties.
#4 You have a date. But a boss who is not about you leaving the office early. (Like most bosses, let’s be real.)
Enough said. Not only does the matte moisturizer easily take you from day to night, but if you are thinking of getting up close and personal, the Willowherb and Pink Rock Rose act as an instant glow-booster that brightens skin and shrinks pores.
So get close. Get personal. And feel great about your skin.
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New Study Shows Have Fun First, Work Later
Do you have on your Monday Party Pants?
By: Naomi Hirabayashi, co-founder Shine
*This piece originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.*
Work hard, play hard. We’ve habituated ourselves to feel like this is the only appropriate order of things.
We save up our movie nights and dance parties for the weekends. We hold out on that calming bubble bath until the end of the day. We don’t let ourselves Netflix and Chill until we’ve pushed through all (OK, most) of those backed-up emails.
Yet new research shows that waiting to have fun until after we’ve worked doesn’t necessarily make it more enjoyable.
In fact, the study shows that fun is just as fun even if you haven’t “earned it” and it can actually motivate us to work smarter.
Fun is just as fun even if you haven’t earned it.
Tweet this.
Ed O’Brien, a professor at the Chicago Booth School of Business, discussed his new research in Harvard Business Review:
“We built a makeshift “spa” in the laboratory — with a massage chair and footbath — for 259 ever-at-work University of Chicago students. Students could choose to come during the weeks right after their stressful midterm exam period or during the weeks right before midterms began. (We had essentially the same number of students show up at both time periods, and they were of similar age, gender, etc.) They predicted their enjoyment before visiting and rated their experience afterward.”
The results:
“We found that while the students who visited the spa before midterms predicted that the experience would be less enjoyable due to looming midterms exams, they actually enjoyed themselves just as much as those who visited the spa after midterms.”
While happy hour before work might not be realistic (or desirable), the powerful message that not only are we allowed to loosen up in between all of our obligations -- but it can actually make us more motivated and better equipped to handle our busy days, is a welcome one.
How can we enact this in our daily lives?
By flipping play on its head and finding ways to start (instead of just finishing) with fun.
Dance before you leave the house in the morning; you don’t have to wait until Friday night to do throw on some #TBT 90s hits or to let DJ Khaled remind you that ‘we the best’.
Pre-game a big meeting with a funny video that puts everyone in a good mood or share a random fact you recently learned with the group.
Swap a weekday / weekend routine; typically save dinner with a friend for the weekend? Get an extra boost of joy by going for a breakfast or lunch catch up during the weekday.
Whatever your version of fun is, remember: you don’t have to earn it. You already deserve to enjoy yourself and by incorporating more play at the beginning, you’ll give yourself a catalyst to stay motivated and keep hustling.
photo credit: Geronimo Balloons
Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.
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How These 3 Working Moms Are Handling This Crazy Stat
Kids are so dang expensive.
photo by Could I Have That?
In case you haven't heard Beyoncé is pregnant with twins. What you might not know is that in Jay Z's and Beyoncé’s prenup it states that she gets a cool 5 million for every baby she bears that’s his. Do the math babes. That means Queen B is carrying around 10 million dollars in her uterus. Which is, unfortunately, more $$$ than most of us will see in a lifetime.
Also another unfortunate fact: CNN recently revealed that raising a child to age 18 will costs $233,610-- pre-college. So what is a working mom to do? We checked in with three of our favorite working moms to get their life tips and tricks on saving money, even with baby at home.
Angela Sutherland, investment executive and co-founder of the new organic children's food delivery service Yumi, has two kids and three great tips for saving money-- especially as it relates to your TAXES. If you already filed your taxes this year, take her advice and make this a priority in 2018.
First, she says, "Depending on which state you're in you can actually buy pre-paid tuition, locking in the current rate of tuition, which is actual an amazing deal given the rate of inflation. The only downside is you have to decide early (very early!) which college your kid will go to, however, if you have a very strong state school it could be a great way to save." For those legacy families, look into this.
Second, she shares, "Be a lifetime learner! Few people know that you can claim up to $2k in tax credit every year for the classes you take. That's not $2k off of your taxable income like other deductions, that's actually a straight credit off your calculated taxes owed." And finally, says the mom and business owner, "There's a tax credit that's called the Dependent Care Credit- of which few people take advantage. But you can get up to $3k per child of tax deductions when you use a nanny or someone who cares for your children if you work."
Mom-to-be and writer Jane Helpern shared this practical advice: "Drive a Prius. Bring your lunch to work. And swap your Equinox membership for the YMCA which offers free childcare. Don't have a pool because they cost a lot to heat and don't be afraid to send your kids to daycare."
Postpartum doula Stephanie Matthias takes a slightly more holistic approach to the numbers game. "If you count your rent and gas, everything that costs money," the single mom of two explains, "summer camp, classes, buying birthday presents for kids in the class, or the fact that they want to go a vending machine at school because their friends do, it adds up." But she has some positive ideas on how to flip the script.
For one, "Enlisting family to help with childcare is huge, if it's possible," she shares. "I've chosen to have the kind of career where I work freelance, where I make my own hours. I'm not only doing what I want to be doing, but it's also really conducive to motherhood. I've made very strategic career decisions in order to accommodate being a mother."
She also shares, "I've never been a good budgeter. I'm not a frugal person. Even when I was working four jobs living in a $1000 dollar one-room apartment on the East Side (of Los Angeles), I would still go to Whole Foods and buy water. I used to think of money in terms of scarcity, in terms of what I could and couldn't afford. Now I think about money in terms of what kind of life I want to have. Do I want a life of experiences? What kind of life do I want for my kids? And what do I want to teach them about money? This approach has helped me spend less. It's almost like eliminating sugar. How I want to feel longterm is analogous to what I want my life to look like longterm. This reworking has completely changed the way I think about money. The money that I make during the time that I'm working, that's time that I'm spending away from of my kids. That makes the money more valuable to me and makes me more mindful of what I'm spending on. That money better be going toward stuff that makes our lives great. I'm not gonna work all these hours and spend money on shoes." Half of the time she says she doesn't get home until after her youngest in already in bed and there's an element of mom guilt that kicks in. The voice that says, "I didn't spend the day with you, I'm gonna get you something."
Matthias continues, "It's easy for working moms to feel like, 'I'm gone and I'm making x amount of money, so I can afford these really cute toys and it will make them happy.'" Not true she insists. "All your kids want is quality time with you. The more hours I work, the more money I make, the more that voice kicks in. That's when we do things to placate our kids. That's a massive waste of money. Every fifteen dollar tiara and thirty dollar ballet skirt, that all adds up. That's money you could put into their college fund."
She adds, "From a super practical standpoint, I am super strategic about where I do my food shopping. I want everything to be super high quality, but it's not always practical to only shop at Erewhon. I joined Thrive online. It's an online grocery store that doesn't sell produce. But instead has all of the snacks that go in lunches, etc. Everything is super discounted."
Extra credit pro tip: Babies grow and they grow fast. You're replacing their clothes every couple of months and many of them are barley worn. If you plan on having more than one, buy gender-neutral items so the next child can wear the hand-me-downs. And for new moms who are nesting (that innate desire to get ready for baby) don't be fooled by the marketing world. Babies don't need their own everrrrything-- from body wash to detergent to hair brushes. Don't nest yourself out of a nest egg.
Have more money saving tips? Share below!
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The Time-Management Survival Guide for the Busy Woman
We've got the secret and it's easier than you think.
You’ve finally made it! You’ve worked your butt off to get to this point and now it feels like everyone and I mean everyone is counting on you. The worst part is that now you seem to have NO TIME to enjoy any of it ‘cuz you’re so franticly trying to keep a billion and a half balls in the air. You’ve tried just about every organizing technique ever created and often beat yourself up for not fitting in that relaxing cup of hot coffee right after your 20 minute morning meditation and yoga practice followed by a productive and fulfilling day with your hair, makeup, and outfit looking chic and finishing the day with a delicious and healthy dinner and quality time spent with your loving partner. Ah, to be a woman that only exists in the movies.
Don’t worry, there is hope... and lots of it.
The secret is that Time isn’t a thing to be managed. WTF?!? I know, right.
Time is just a form of measurement and those pesky clocks just keep ticking no matter how much we try to control them. Our relationship with it is what we have control over. If you’re on the edge of throwing a mini-tantrum I totally get it. As a fellow passionately multi-hyphenate who desperately wants to feel in control of some part of her life it took me a bit of kicking and screaming to come around to be willing to try a new approach since my current one left me exhausted and frustrated. So without further adieu here are three (not time consuming and hugely effective) ways to change your relationship with time.
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
Radical acceptance is accepting life on life’s terms. You know those weeks when you map out exactly what you’re going to get done over the next couple of days and then your car breaks down or your son gets sick or your basement floods and there go all of your plans there are a few paths you could walk down in this moment.
• You could flip out about how much time and money you’re going to lose and that it’s not fair that this had to happen now.
• You could accept that this is what’s happening right now, it won’t last forever, and that your ship will right itself when this storm passes.
Then, grabbing a post it note (it’s that size on purpose) and making your To-Do List of 1 thing that would make you so happy to get done would be the way to go. Everything else you may get done is gravy.
THE POWER OF NO
Believe it or not people often respect someone who says “no” maybe even more than they do the person who says “yes” to EVERYTHING. It is not your job to do everyone else’s job. The key is to say “no” gracefully and authentically. Here’s how:
• Empathetically acknowledge the person who is asking for your time and attention. i.e. “I could see how that would be really stressful” or “It makes sense that you’re really having a hard time with this.”
• Be honest. i.e. “I wish I could give your situation the full attention that you and it deserve but I can’t right now.” or “Thank you for thinking of me but I, also, have a ton on my plate and wouldn’t be able to do my best work if I took on another project.”
Short. Sweet. To the Point. Even if the person gets all snarky in the moment it’s not like they’re going to hate you forever this person already values your and your your opinions and abilities... and if they do who needs ‘em.
CELEBRATION
Since you’re the type of gal who’s got her eye on the prize you may be whizzing past all of your wins along the way. That is NOT OK, Sister. Focusing on the process as opposed to focusing on the prize just may get you where you want to go faster, or at least getting there will probably be a lot more fun, and you deserve that.
Make a three part celebration list.
• Level 1: (I completed that thing that’s been weighing on me)
• Living room dance party, happy hour with your best girl friend, and extra 30 mins of Netflix, a beautiful hike etc.
• Level 2: (That was a ton of work and I did that s@#* like a champ)
• That bag you’ve been eyeing, a new tech toy, a spa day, an impromptu three day weekend.
• Level 3: (OMG! It really happened. I’m freaking out I’m so excited.)
• That trip you’ve been hoping to take at some point, upgraded kitchen appliances, a new car.
Now you have to make it part of your routine (like every morning in the shower or when you brush your teeth at night) to acknowledge how cool you are then celebrate.
Maybe, you’ve only remembered to meditate once in the past two and a half months, you’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days, and you’ve ordered Thai every night this week. As long as you’re practicing accepting the fact that your life is rolling that way at the moment, releasing the fear of what everyone else thinks about you, and celebrating the victories that have gotten you to this moment you’re leaps and bounds ahead of most people on the planet.
If you have additional ideas of how to change your relationship with time and things that have worked for you in the past share the wealth with your fellow wildly busy female friends in the comments below.
Sharon Freedman has been a professional actor and voiceover artist for over 15 years and trained at The Coaches Training Institute with a desire to be more of service. A few years back she looked death in the eye and found that mindfulness and other evidence based therapeutic methods like DBT saved her life which inspired her to create her coaching practice Stress Reduction Joy Production. She owns being a work in progress and practices bringing as much fun, creativity, and authenticity to the world as she can. Join us on FB at: https://www.facebook.com/stressreductionjoyproduction/
An original version of this post appeared on Blog Society.
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Help! The 80-Hour Work Week Is the New Norm
And it's killing us.
It’s 10PM on a Monday and I’m still working. As painful as it is to say this-- it’s pretty normal. I expect it is the same for many of you reading this.
Work has taken over our world in this never-ending cycle of touch base, make moves, move the needle, squeak the wheel, hustle, bustle, go get ‘em, I can’t turn my phone off on the weekend, because nobody else does-- BUT HOLD UP! Hooooold up, slow that gravy work train down. What are we doing to ourselves?
We’re guilty of doling out advice about how to work smarter on a Sunday. In recent years there has been a steady rise of U.S. employees not only working after hours but also during lunch breaks and over the weekends. And while the U.S. does advocate for work-life balance, we are a country of "overloaded" workers.
We’ve talk a bit in the past about France, their commitment to the 35-hour work week, and their ban on emails past 6pm. There are other female-led companies that have taken similar steps to alter the course. Shani Godwin, CEO of Communiqué USA, a leading marketing strategy and creative content company serving small businesses and Fortune 500 brands has implemented this approach. Shani has a number of work-life balance policies, including no emailing after work hours, as a way to ensure her employees have time to manage their personal lives and spend time with their children and families.
The problem is that Godwin is part of the minority of companies that enforce such policies.
We’ve all bought into the myth of the hustle, in part because the fear of failing or “getting in trouble” as an adult is very real. What if my boss needs me at 2pm on a Saturday? What if there is a last minute crisis? If everyone else is doing it, and I’m not, will I be seen as a less valuable employee? Will I be replaced?
"The reality is we have to keep up with the Work Jones'. Even if that means responding to weekend emails."
Tweet this.
The answer is likely yes. The reality is we have to keep up with the Work Jones'. Even if that means responding to weekend emails.
***
Do you remember as a kid first learning about peer pressure? When your mom or dad would ask, “If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?”
“NO!” You’d yell indignantly, at that point secure in your sense of self and autonomy. Well, we’re a little less indignant these days and a lot less free-- at least from our phones, and we’ve jumped. But since we've all jumped it's up to us to figure out how to make it work, and understand the breaking point of our own burnout.
Most of us agree (even our bosses) that we have to give ourselves permission to take a break. Some creatives set ground rules about emailing, and will put up an away message telling emailers that they will be available from 8am-8pm, and that all weekend emails will be returned on Monday AM. Try it out. It might work for you. It might only add to the anxiety you feel about not responding immediately.
Carly Kuhn, an LA-based illustrator (@thecartorialist) who has worked with brands like Absolut, and just took over Coachella’s Snapchat this past weekend, says “You have to take advantage of situations, and hustle, especially when it’s your own thing, but that makes it so hard to turn off.”
But she sees a positive. “Our world is more collaborative than it's ever been, and work and life are similar. But for me, that makes those special gem moments when you meet someone new, and you realize we don’t have to talk about work, this is not about work, all the more special.”
Rachel Mae Furman, leisure expert (yes, that is one of her real titles, bless) of Smoke & Honey says, “The problem with the current work culture is that it doesn’t leave any time for leisure, and leisure is vital to working better. To be on top of your career game, you need to be on top of your leisure game.”
“To be on top of your career game, you need to be on top of your leisure game.”
Tweet this.
So how do we put an end to the imbalance?
You have to make a choice-- and it's a personal one. What are you willing to commit to your job? What are you willing to give up? Do you even see working toward a goal as giving something up? Are you OK with having after-work drinks be "work?"
In part, it depends on what industry you want to work in. If you work at a startup, you know you're going to be clocking insane hours. If you want a job that clocks out at 6pm, you can find one.
But very successful people work this hard. All the time. Don't shoot the messenger.
Arianna Schioldager is Create & Cultivate's editorial director. You can find her on IG @ariannawrotethis and more about her on this site she never updates www.ariannawrotethis.com