You Should Really Consider This Before Giving a Friend a Referral
Friends forever?
photo credit: Turkan Najar
Referrals are a huge part of our society. We see them everywhere from Yelp to Facebook to LinkedIn, and however you look at them, they are incredibly important. When a trusted friend tells you about a business, you transfer that trust to the company, and similarly, when a trusted acquaintance refers you to a person, you then transfer your trust into the referral.
When you refer someone, you put your own name on the line
When you refer a friend, you’re not only putting them up for scrutiny, but you’re putting yourself up for it as well. If you refer someone that clearly isn’t a good fit for the company, it can suggest two main things:
- It suggests that you haven’t done any research on the company and what the company is looking for in an employee.
- It suggests that you really don’t know the person that well, so it weakens your referral.
Either option reflects badly on you. If you’re going to refer someone, it’s important to do your research so you feel truly confident that they could be a good fit for the company.
Similarly, you want to ensure that you believe in someone’s work ethic and quality of work prior to referring them to someone. It’s impossible to control other people’s actions, but the reality is that if someone doesn’t work out or someone makes a bad impression at work, you’re probably going to think about who referred them in the first place. This is part of the reason why that referral from a friend is such a big deal. They’re putting their own reputation on the line along with yours.
You truly don't know what someone is like at work until you actually work with them
People can be very different in and outside of the office, and ultimately you never truly know how someone acts at work until you’ve seen it first-hand. GlassDoor estimates that being referred by someone at the company boosts your chance of successfully landing a job as high as nearly 7%. This makes a big difference during the job search, but it can be tough for someone to refer you when they haven’t seen your work ethic.
"You don’t truly know what someone is like at work until you actually work with them."
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If you are asking a friend or acquaintance for a referral, make sure that you can show them that you’re worth it. Their name and reputation is on the line just as much as yours is, so do your best to highlight why you’re the right fit for the position. If you can show them what you’ve accomplished in your career and what you would like to accomplish at the company, that is ideal.
It can set you up for an awkward situation if things don’t work out
One of the hardest parts about referring someone or getting a referral from a friend is that it can make for some awkward conversations if things don’t go as planned. Going back to the fact that you don’t know how someone acts at work unless you’ve worked with them, you might be surprised to hear that a friend had a low work ethic or another less than ideal quality. It can also be hard to tell a friend that the person they referred made a bad impression. While this isn’t the end of the world, this is why asking for or giving a referral for a friend is such a big deal.
Acknowledge the fact that if someone is giving you a referral, they are confident enough in you to risk their reputation or some potentially awkward conversations down the line. On the opposite end, it is important to acknowledge the risk and make sure you are confident in your choice when you are referring a friend.
________________
Ultimately, referrals make a huge difference when looking for a job or looking for a candidate to hire, but they can be risky for the person who is giving the referral. If someone is willing to give you a referral, it means that they have confidence in you, so it’s important to do your best to uphold that. Referrals mean that both the referrer and the referral get judged, and this is what you need to consider before you ask for or give a friend a referral.
A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.
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You'll Never Guess What Demo Is Running the Work Force
Hint: now put your hand up.
Single working women are the backbone for most professional organizations in America.
According to the Women in the Labor Force: 2015 Databook:
- 59% of women (over age 16) are employed
- 54.3% of employed women are unmarried (never married, other marital status, divorced, separated, widowed)
- Of the 67 million women employed in the U.S.— 74%of employed women worked on full-time jobs, while 26% worked on a part-time basis.
And in honor of National Single Working Women's Day, we wanted to dig into this a little bit more.
According to Hanna Rosin's "The End of Men and the Rise of Women," 2009 was the first year where the balance of the workforce "tipped toward women."
The senior editor at The Atlantic writes, "Women worldwide dominate colleges and professional schools on every continent except Africa. In the United States, for every two men who will receive a BA this year, for example, three women will do the same."
"Theoretically," she writes, "a twenty-seven- or twenty-eight-year-old woman with no children is at the top o the game. She is, on average, more educated than the men around her, and making more money." ("No children" is a key piece here and discussed below.)
What do you know about the American Matriarchy? In her book Rosin cites tech as one of the main reasons for the rise of the woman. "At some point in the last forty years," she writes, "the job market became largely indifferent to size and strength. Technology began to work against men, making certain jobs obsolete and making what economists call 'people skills,' ever more valuable. For the first time in history, the global economy is becoming a place where women are finding more success than men."
In Rebecca Traister's NY-Times best-seller, "All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation," she addresses Rosin's findings. "While some women are enjoying more educational, professional, sexual, and social freedom than ever before, many more of them are struggling, living in a world marked by inequity, disadvantage, discrimination, and property. It's crucial to unpack what's true and what's not true about female advancement--and single female advancement-- across classes, rich, poor, and in between."
One of those factors that cannot be ignored is single motherhood. The Times article, the Disestablishment of Marriage, reports that 60 percent of American women who have their first babies before thirty have them out of wedlock. Traister says that, "the economic ramifications of having children are of course felt most keenly by unmarried mothers; a staggering 42 percent of people in families headed by single mothers live below the poverty line."
But single women are upending tradition. And that's power. "Their growing presence has an impact on how economic, political, and sexual power is distributed between the genders." Single women overwhelmingly voted for President Barack Obama. Single women are changing the definition of family, which directly impacts social policy. "Women," writes Traister, "perhaps those who have lived untethered from the energy-sucking and identity-sapping institution of marriage in its older forms, have helped drive social progress of this country since it's founding."
Women living without marriage are more able to be both professionally and economically than ever before.
Cheers to you badasses. Today is your day.
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Survey Shows That Women Still Feel Men are Intimidated by their Success.
It's all about the journey, not the destination.
photo credit: Becki Smith/Smith House Photography
Create & Cultivate's NYC conference was full of inspirational women with diverse career paths and experiences. We wanted to capture their insights by running a Tinder poll to see how they answered some of today’s important questions about being a woman in business. We were fascinated by some of the results: for example, 55% of women said they didn't know what they wanted their career to be right after college. Your career is a journey - you don't have to have it figured out right away.
Scroll through to see some of our favorite findings from attendees.
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The Time-Management Survival Guide for the Busy Woman
We've got the secret and it's easier than you think.
You’ve finally made it! You’ve worked your butt off to get to this point and now it feels like everyone and I mean everyone is counting on you. The worst part is that now you seem to have NO TIME to enjoy any of it ‘cuz you’re so franticly trying to keep a billion and a half balls in the air. You’ve tried just about every organizing technique ever created and often beat yourself up for not fitting in that relaxing cup of hot coffee right after your 20 minute morning meditation and yoga practice followed by a productive and fulfilling day with your hair, makeup, and outfit looking chic and finishing the day with a delicious and healthy dinner and quality time spent with your loving partner. Ah, to be a woman that only exists in the movies.
Don’t worry, there is hope... and lots of it.
The secret is that Time isn’t a thing to be managed. WTF?!? I know, right.
Time is just a form of measurement and those pesky clocks just keep ticking no matter how much we try to control them. Our relationship with it is what we have control over. If you’re on the edge of throwing a mini-tantrum I totally get it. As a fellow passionately multi-hyphenate who desperately wants to feel in control of some part of her life it took me a bit of kicking and screaming to come around to be willing to try a new approach since my current one left me exhausted and frustrated. So without further adieu here are three (not time consuming and hugely effective) ways to change your relationship with time.
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
Radical acceptance is accepting life on life’s terms. You know those weeks when you map out exactly what you’re going to get done over the next couple of days and then your car breaks down or your son gets sick or your basement floods and there go all of your plans there are a few paths you could walk down in this moment.
• You could flip out about how much time and money you’re going to lose and that it’s not fair that this had to happen now.
• You could accept that this is what’s happening right now, it won’t last forever, and that your ship will right itself when this storm passes.
Then, grabbing a post it note (it’s that size on purpose) and making your To-Do List of 1 thing that would make you so happy to get done would be the way to go. Everything else you may get done is gravy.
THE POWER OF NO
Believe it or not people often respect someone who says “no” maybe even more than they do the person who says “yes” to EVERYTHING. It is not your job to do everyone else’s job. The key is to say “no” gracefully and authentically. Here’s how:
• Empathetically acknowledge the person who is asking for your time and attention. i.e. “I could see how that would be really stressful” or “It makes sense that you’re really having a hard time with this.”
• Be honest. i.e. “I wish I could give your situation the full attention that you and it deserve but I can’t right now.” or “Thank you for thinking of me but I, also, have a ton on my plate and wouldn’t be able to do my best work if I took on another project.”
Short. Sweet. To the Point. Even if the person gets all snarky in the moment it’s not like they’re going to hate you forever this person already values your and your your opinions and abilities... and if they do who needs ‘em.
CELEBRATION
Since you’re the type of gal who’s got her eye on the prize you may be whizzing past all of your wins along the way. That is NOT OK, Sister. Focusing on the process as opposed to focusing on the prize just may get you where you want to go faster, or at least getting there will probably be a lot more fun, and you deserve that.
Make a three part celebration list.
• Level 1: (I completed that thing that’s been weighing on me)
• Living room dance party, happy hour with your best girl friend, and extra 30 mins of Netflix, a beautiful hike etc.
• Level 2: (That was a ton of work and I did that s@#* like a champ)
• That bag you’ve been eyeing, a new tech toy, a spa day, an impromptu three day weekend.
• Level 3: (OMG! It really happened. I’m freaking out I’m so excited.)
• That trip you’ve been hoping to take at some point, upgraded kitchen appliances, a new car.
Now you have to make it part of your routine (like every morning in the shower or when you brush your teeth at night) to acknowledge how cool you are then celebrate.
Maybe, you’ve only remembered to meditate once in the past two and a half months, you’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days, and you’ve ordered Thai every night this week. As long as you’re practicing accepting the fact that your life is rolling that way at the moment, releasing the fear of what everyone else thinks about you, and celebrating the victories that have gotten you to this moment you’re leaps and bounds ahead of most people on the planet.
If you have additional ideas of how to change your relationship with time and things that have worked for you in the past share the wealth with your fellow wildly busy female friends in the comments below.
Sharon Freedman has been a professional actor and voiceover artist for over 15 years and trained at The Coaches Training Institute with a desire to be more of service. A few years back she looked death in the eye and found that mindfulness and other evidence based therapeutic methods like DBT saved her life which inspired her to create her coaching practice Stress Reduction Joy Production. She owns being a work in progress and practices bringing as much fun, creativity, and authenticity to the world as she can. Join us on FB at: https://www.facebook.com/stressreductionjoyproduction/
An original version of this post appeared on Blog Society.
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Katherine Schwarzenegger Shares Key Moments From Her Life-Changing Road Trip
She went on the Road to Real, and found herself.
With mother Maria Shriver as inspiration, Katherine Schwarzenegger has always known that women do it all. This past May Katherine embarked on a road trip across the country. She met and interviewed over 500 women in collaboration with T.J. Maxx, aiding their mission in highlighting women who live life on their own terms. After three moths of traveling across 16 cities, Katherine finally headed home with a head and heart full of inspirational stories.
We caught up with Katherine to chat what she learned from the collab, how her mom helped her prep, and the six common traits she found in every single woman.
You just finished up the “Road to Real” 16 city tour where you were interviewing real women about living life on their terms. What was the most surprising part of the journey?
When I started the Road to Real tour, I didn’t know what to expect. But I think the most surprising part of this journey was how open and honest each woman was, and how their stories have truly made an impact on my life, and how I want to live life moving forward. The purpose of the tour was to show others that you don’t have to look far to be inspired. And what I have learned and hope others have too, is that everyone has a story to tell, we are all on this journey of life, we are all doing our best and that inspiration really is all around you – it’s in our friends, family, neighbors, and even the woman shopping next to you in a T.J.Maxx store. When you hear so many amazing, real and inspirational stories each day, you cant help but walk away changed. So the next time someone yells or snaps at you for no reason, just know that you never know what’s going on in peoples lives; they could be going home to a sick child or parent, they could’ve just lost a loved one, they could be going through a divorce. Bottom line is, we are all just trying to do our best so the most important thing is treat one another with love and kindness and the world will be a much better place.
"You don’t have to look far to be inspired."
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Your mom is a journalist, did she share any tricks to getting people to open up before you embarked on the tour?
My mom helps me with everything and she is definitely my number one supporter. When I first learned about the Road to Real tour, I was so excited and I told her right away. I grew up watching her interview people in her professional life and personal. She used to interview everyone around us, even in the line at the coffee shop, and that all rubbed off on me, so this experience felt very natural to me. I am a very curious person and I ask a million questions, but before the tour launched, she did help to coach me on my interview skills and gave me advice on talking with people I didn’t know. The most important thing she taught me was the importance of listening and on this tour I realized that one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is listening to them. We don’t realize how many people just don’t have someone to talk to or to listen to them, and a really good listener is a huge gift. Every time I finished a interview, most women would thank me for listening to them. I was so surprised by this because for me, to be able to listen to their stories was such a gift, and knowing that just sitting and listening to them made a difference, was so rewarding for me.
"One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is listening to them."
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How did the collaboration initially come about? What was the conversation?
T.J.Maxx actually approached me to be a part of the Road to Real tour, and I was immediately obsessed with the whole concept of the tour. When I learned more about the campaign I couldn’t say no – to have the opportunity to travel the country (to some places I had never been before), and connect with real women and hear their inspiring stories is what really peaked my interest. I love talking with people, asking questions and learning from others so it was a natural fit. I am always eager to learn and to grow and I knew this tour would not only be an amazing career experience, but it would be a life changing experience that I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere else. I am all about talking to people, learning from their life experiences, and being able to take a nugget of wisdom from each person I spoke to. Plus, the fact that my website is all about “living life on your own terms” was a natural tie to the brand and the Road to Real campaign.
It’s easy to see the Road to Real as an internal journey we all take as women. What has your own road to real looked like?
I think my Road to Real is a journey that I am on and continue to be on and one I am very excited about. We are all on this journey of life; sometimes it’s great, other times it’s more challenging, but as long as you look at life as a growing and learning process that never stops, you will be able to live a fulfilling life. This tour has completely changed me; I am not the same woman today, than I was when I started this tour in May and I will forever be grateful to T.J. Maxx for allowing me to be a part of this experience. I learned so much about life, about myself, about how I want to live my life moving forward, and how I deal and interact with people. This tour was a journey for me in my personal, spiritual, and mental well-being; I went out of my comfort zone, traveled to new places, met new people, formed new friendships, and experienced new things. I laughed with strangers, I cried with strangers and I listened and learned from them. These are the kinds of things you only learn by having the kind of experiences I was lucky enough to have on the Road to Real.
"I laughed with strangers, I cried with strangers and I listened and learned from them."
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What parts of your journey as a business woman and entrepreneur are you most proud of?
What I’m most proud of is that I have had the opportunity to work on projects that I’m truly passionate about, like my two books and website. I’ve been able to do so many amazing things, and I always want to try to make a difference and do work that I’m proud of. That said, I am definitely proud of my partnership with T.J.Maxx, because the Road to Real campaign speaks to something I truly believe in, which is that women are living life on their own terms, in their own unique way. I feel lucky to have worked on such a meaningful campaign by celebrating women all over the country, and by sharing their inspiring and amazing stories with the world.
When are you your most real/authentic version of yourself?
I try to be real and authentic all day every day because that’s just how I want to live my life. It took me awhile to get there but I have come to realize that whenever I am not my real self, nothing good comes from that. It’s much easier said than done but staying true to who you are is the greatest gift you can give yourself and you only get there by going through the ups and downs of life. I still haven’t mastered it and I do make mistakes of course, but I always try to remind myself the importance of being YOU because there is no one else like you.
You spoke with over 500 women. How do you process that amount of information? That number of stories?
Throughout the course of the tour we visited sixteen different cities and spent two days in each store location, so I spoke with about 15-20 women per day, sometimes more! The experience was amazing but at times the conversations lead me to feel overwhelmed by my own emotions. The women really opened up to me and some of the stories shared were extremely personal, open and raw. It’s crazy to believe that each story was more inspiring then the next, but it’s true. Although I talked with over 500 women, there was a commonality among the stories I heard, like the strength to persevere and live life on their terms, and just an overall sense of the women wanting to do good, and give back to others. I would be lying to you if I said that I wasn’t overwhelmed by some of the stories I heard, but I decided to look at this experience like I wanted to take at least one nugget of wisdom from each person I spoke to and be able to grow from their stories.
Why do you think storytelling is important?
I have always been interested in learning and hearing from real women, it helps you to not only grow and learn as a person, but to see things from a different perspective. I think storytelling is important because it connects people everywhere. Everyone has a story to tell and inspiration is all around us. We just need to take a moment to open our eyes, maybe ask a few questions and really see the people around us.
What was a universal truth among all of the women you spoke with?
After speaking with all of these women, I learned that strength, perseverance, courage, love, kindness and the desire to do good, lives in the women walking amongst us daily. Every woman I spoke with, no matter her background or personal struggle, wanted to help those in need and leave the world a better place. It can be easy to focus on negativity, especially with recent events our country has faced, but you have to remember to never lose sight of what’s important. The need to love one another, treat each other with kindness, compassion, and understanding is what every woman agreed our world needs most.
"Strength, perseverance, courage, love, kindness and the desire to do good, lives in the women walking amongst us daily."
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The tour culminates in a gallery event this fall in NYC. What do you hope people see in the work?
The stories that these women shared both touched and influenced me, not only in the way I view life, but in the way that I want to live my life each day moving forward. So my hope is that this same raw emotion, these inspiring stories of struggle and perseverance and vulnerability, are conveyed within the gallery portraits. I hope people see that women are playing many different roles in their lives and that no matter what, they make it work in their own way. I hope that these pictures impact people in the same way that I was impacted.
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We Need to Talk: What It Feels Like to Go Back to Work at 40
Def not over the hill, but not quite under it either.
We Need to Talk is a bi-monthly, anonymous series, where contributors share stories about business, life, and the stuff we don't talk about.
photo credit: Andrea Posadas
The decision not to go back to work after having kids is a perilous one for most women.
There area so many factors to consider. Do you go back to work after six weeks so you don’t lose traction at your job? Do you stay home with your newborn and really soak in the first year of your child’s life? Do you wait longer? The scenarios are endless and there is no playbook; it is a personal choice for each and every working mother.
And there's no right way to do it. That’s the most important bit to remember. What is right for one woman is not necessarily right for you. What works for your twin sister may not work for you. In fact, it probably won't.
I decided to stay home. I gave up a career in a newsroom. I hit pause on my career dreams and aspirations because I thought those dreams had shifted— and they did shift, for about ten years. For ten years I focussed on morning routines, nap time, bath time, bed time, and every other moment in between. I considered myself a working mom, but I was working for my children, not a company. For ten years my kids became my career.
"What is right for one woman is not necessarily right for you."
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And then something happened— I grew increasingly less satisfied. (We're not conditioned to say that or this next bit.) Reading to my kids at night began to feel tedious. I wanted out of this routine and into another— the daily grind of email and brainstorming and late night deadlines that had nothing to do with making sure lunch was packed, that was appealing to me. I wanted a challenge. I wanted my career back. But my career didn’t want me. It had moved on to better and younger things, the women who had worked straight through their thirties and even those in their twenties who were climbing the rungs faster than my legs move at this stage in my life.
I knew I wanted to return to work, but, like many women who take time off after baby, I had no idea where to start. I felt defeated before I began and I faced the all to common obstacle of a ten year gap in my resume. The entire landscape of my career had changed. Instagram wasn’t a thing when I left work and what on earth did Snapchat have to do with the news? A lot apparently. So does Twitter. It's not like riding a bicycle. It felt like everything had changed in the last decade.
As I started to do more research I read about The Enternship, a program developed to help women over 40 reenter the workforce. Launched this summer, it is a four-week program aimed to aid women in the 40s, 50s, and 60s learn crucial, modern workplace skills. They chose 8 women, one of whom was a former CNN producer. Others included a stay-at-home mom and a lawyer. I felt relieved to learn that the program received over 600 applications. That meant that there were at least 600 women in the same boat— women not sure which wave was the right one, but they weren’t afraid to start over. And for many women 40 plus starting over after kids is the only option, but that doesn't make it a bad option. I still had the know-how and common sense and practical skill learned during the early parts of a career. I now needed to learn new skills with the humility and hunger of a green employee. In some ways, this was the youngest move I'd ever make. Maybe, starting over would keep me young.
"For many women 40 plus starting over after kids is the only option, but that doesn't make it a bad option."
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I knew I had a choice to make: approach this next phase of my life with the humility and work ethic that I had in my early twenties, or fight an uphill battle, one I was sure to lose. One where I let my ego and age take center stage. Or one where I accepted that this was the path I chose, willingly, ten years ago. Did I want to have to choose? Not really. But did I? Yes. And now I wanted to go back to work and that, in and of itself, was going to be work.
It’s not easy to be older than your superiors, nor is it easy to feel like you’ve reversed even as your age has progressed. But instead of using motherhood as the excuse, I used it to my advantage. I knew nothing about being a mom or how to care for an infant during those early years. I had to be humble and ask for help. I had to look to those who had gone before. Sometimes they were older, and sometimes they were younger.
If I could take this same lesson and apply it to my career, surely, I would be OK. Surely, step by step, I could climb once more because over the course of your life, you're allowed to live more than one.
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