2 Four-Letter Words That Will Annihilate Your BS Excuses (Are You Ready for This?)

Excerpted from Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo with permission of Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright Marie Forleo, 2019.

“No matter what we’re trying to figure out, the biggest barriers are often in our own minds.”

—Marie Forleo

Chapter 4: Eliminate Excuses

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves - Richard Bach

Don’t feel sorry for yourself - Only assholes do that. Haruki Murakami

Ever had a morning like this? You went to bed with every intention of getting up early. You were going to work out, meditate, write—you know, finally become that incredibly productive human you know you can be. Now the phone is vibrating next to your head. Already? Noooo! It’s so dark. It’s so cold. Sleep is really important for my health, right? Just five more minutes. Five minutes pass. Okay, maybe ten more. By the time your feet hit the floor, you’re chasing the day. The dog is begging to be walked. Your phone is blowing up from an unexpected meltdown at work. You notice a stain on your shirt after you’ve walked out the door. Cue David Byrne: Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

Now, what about a morning like this? Your eyes pop open in the dark. You turn your head and grab the phone. Really, only 4:30 a.m.? The alarm isn’t set to go off for another hour. Your flight doesn’t leave until 8:45 a.m., but you’re so pumped for this trip that you can’t sleep another minute. You hop out of bed, work out, and head off to the airport—early.

What’s the deal? How is it that sometimes we’re able to effortlessly get ourselves to do exactly what we need to do, but other times it’s a struggle? What holds us back from consistently performing at the levels we’re capable of?

To find the answer, we have to look inside. No matter what we’re trying to figure out, the biggest barriers are often in our own minds:

I need to start working out again, but I’m just so busy with work and the kids. Can’t do it—no time.

My finances are a mess. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead. I’m just not a numbers person.

I really want to take that design class. It could open up a whole new career! But it’s too expensive—I can’t afford it.

I wish I could meet someone special. But I don’t have the time for dating, I’m too old, and besides, all the good ones are already taken.

Sound familiar? My hand is raised because I’ve said things like this to myself. Many times. But here’s the truth: One of the biggest obstacles that hold us back are those excuses. The little lies we tell ourselves that limit who we are and what we ultimately accomplish.

Everybody makes excuses from time to time, so don’t feel bad. But if you’re committed to figuring things out, all excuses have got to go. It’s time to call yourself out and uncover all the ways you bullshit yourself. Once you get honest about how flimsy your excuses really are, you’ll reclaim not only enormous stores of energy but also your power to change.

Two Four-Letter Words That Will Annihilate Your BS Excuses

Let’s start by looking at your language and two common words that blur your ability to be honest with yourself. Those two four-letter words are “can’t” and “won’t.” Think about how often people say some version of the following:

I can’t get up and work out every day.

I can’t find the time to get writing done.

I can’t forgive her for what she’s done.

I can’t take that job, it’s across the country.

I can’t ask for help.

I can’t ask for a promotion because I’m not good enough yet.

I can’t launch this project because the boss didn’t approve.

I can’t __________ [take the class, learn the language, start the venture, etc.] because I can’t afford it.

Here’s the problem: 99 percent of the time when we say we “can’t” do something, “can’t” is a euphemism for “won’t.” What does “won’t” mean? “Won’t” means we’re not willing. In other words . . .

You don’t really want to.

You don’t want to do the work.

You don’t want to take the risk.

You don’t want to get uncomfortable or be inconvenienced. It’s simply not a big enough or important enough priority.

Before you disagree or find exceptions (which there are), humor me for a moment.

If you consider how this might be true in your life, even a portion of the time, you’ll break free from the vast majority of self-deceptive crap that holds you back. For example, go back to all those statements and replace “can’t” with “won’t.” You’ll discover something much more honest:

I won’t get up and work out every day.

I won’t find the time to get writing done.

I won’t forgive her for what she’s done.

I won’t take that job, it’s across the country. I won’t ask for help.

I won’t ask for the promotion.

I won’t launch this project because the boss didn’t approve.

I won’t __________ [take the class/learn the language/start the venture] because I won’t afford it.

In my life, whenever I say, “I can’t,” most of the time what I really mean is, “I won’t.” I don’t want to. I have no desire to make the sacrifice or put in the effort to get that particular result. It’s not something I want badly enough, or something I want to put ahead of my other priorities. Saying that you don’t want something (or don’t want to put in the work or sacrifice to get it) doesn’t make you bad or lazy. It makes you honest.

Here’s why this distinction is important, especially when it comes to leveraging the figureoutable philosophy. Often, when we use the word “can’t,” we start to behave like victims—powerless against our circumstances. It’s as though we have no control over our time, energy, or choices. We take no responsibility for our lives.

When you use the word “won’t,” you feel and behave more powerfully. You remember that you’re in charge of your thoughts and actions. YOU get to determine how to spend your time and resources. You’ll feel more alive and energized and free because you’re taking full responsibility for the state of your life.

Speaking of taking responsibility, a quick reminder about an essential universal principle:

You are 100 percent responsible for your life.

Always and in all ways. It’s not your parents. It’s not the economy. It’s not your husband or your wife or your family. It’s not your boss. It’s not the schools you went to. It’s not the government or society or institutions or your age. You are responsible for what you believe, how you feel, and how you behave. To be clear, I’m not saying you’re responsible for the actions of others or injustices that have happened to you—but you are responsible for how you respond to the actions of others. In fact, lasting happiness can only come when you take 100 percent responsibility for yourself.

Now you might say, “Marie, you don’t know my story. So many horrific things have happened to me that aren’t my fault, that are outside my control, and that I didn’t choose. How can I be responsible for that?” Or you might say, “But, Marie, things are happening to me right now that I have no control over because of the culture and society I was born into. How am I responsible for those things?”

You’re right. There are external forces, situations, and social constructs that affect us all. What’s crucial to understand is that no matter what happened in your past or what’s happening now, if you’re not at least willing to take full responsibility for your life—which includes your thoughts, feelings, and behavior—you give up the power to change it.

Tiffany, a psychotherapist in San Francisco, wrote to me and said:

“It’s easy for those of us who come from modest backgrounds or have generational histories of social trauma and disenfranchisement to be bogged down by the weight of despair. As the daughter of my once impoverished African American dad, I inherited the hopelessness that comes from a legacy of being beaten down, having rights removed, fighting and then having one’s land, home, family wrenched away no matter what you do. In tiny ways, that mentality would defeat my efforts. I’d start something, come upon an obstacle, and grow sad, not realizing that I could figure it out. I DO have the resources to make something happen. Marie, you taught me this! As someone who has struggled for YEARS with how to know how to move forward and then do it, one thing you said changed my life. EVERYTHING IS FIGUREOUTABLE.”

To be clear, taking responsibility doesn’t mean staying silent about injustice. It doesn’t mean blaming or shaming yourself. It doesn’t mean beating yourself up or living with constant guilt. Instead, taking 100 percent responsibility for your life means recognizing that you’re in charge of deciding how you feel and who you wish to be in response to what happens now and in the future.

Could you imagine if Malala Yousafzai felt she wasn’t old enough, privileged enough, or strong enough to champion girls’ education? Remember, Malala was a preteen at just eleven years old when she began to fight for girls’ rights to go to school. She was only fifteen when she was shot in the head by the Pakistani Taliban during an assassination attempt. Remarkably, she survived and addressed the United Nations on her sixteenth birthday. At seventeen, she was the youngest person to ever receive the Nobel Peace Prize. Malala refused to allow a bullet to the head to become an excuse to stop advocating for education.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the economy, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny - Albert Ellis

Love what you’ve read? Then shop the book below and start figuring our your life, stat:

Everything Is Figureoutable

by Marie Forleo—$18

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I Want Your Job: How OLLY's Marketing Manager Landed Her Dream Role (and How You Can Too)

This post is in partnership with OLLY.

How many times have you peered voyeuristically into the lives of people you admire via social media, video, or published interviews and wondered what it must be like to do their job? We’ve all been down that research rabbit hole on our quest to create and cultivate the career of our dreams but often we’re still left pondering about the realities of their day-to-day—so, what is it really like? Well in this series, I Want Your Job we uncover the truth by getting down to the nitty-gritty on what it’s actually like to work in your quote-unquote “dream job” and if the reality stacks up to the expectation.

"You will never know unless you try and if it doesn’t work out or wasn’t what you expected, you have to look at it as a step forward to get you where you’re meant to be."

—Mari Mazzucco, Marketing Manager, OLLY

Passion. We all have it, but so many of us feel as though we can’t dive into what brings us joy because it doesn’t entirely align with our career goals. Well, what if we told you that pursuing your passions could actually strengthen the skills you need for your career?

Nobody is greater living proof of this than OLLY marketing manager, Mari Mazzucco. After falling in love with art history in high school, Mazzucco majored in the subject in college and pursued internships at museums and galleries before getting her first job. While she didn’t realize it at the time, studying art history actually granted her the foundational skills needed to enable her career in marketing. How, you ask?

This may sound far-fetched, but our interview with Mazzucco proves that when it comes to pursuing both your personal and professional goals, you can have your cake and eat it, too. And that every job along the way, no matter how big or how small, are all cumulative towards your end goal.

Don’t believe us? Read on and see for yourself.

On her career journey…

“I originally had accepted an offer after graduating at a contemporary art auction house, but when a friend introduced me to the founders of a soon-to-be-launched basics brand, I put the art world on hold and joined their team. I really lucked out. The company was small and leadership was supportive, allowing me to explore and take ownership of different roles. I quickly learned that I was passionate about marketing, and worked my way up to managing everything from social media to copywriting and editorial. Influencers were just starting to emerge as an alternative marketing channel and I soon realized this was something I wanted to pursue further.

“I met the founders of Collectively and was impressed with how they humanized the brand-influencer relationship. It wasn’t about being transactional, but rather a true mutual creative endeavor. I joined their team as a community manager, and then took roles in campaign and account management. Agency life is fast-paced and you work with a diverse range of brands, so you’re constantly met with new challenges. It can be stressful but rewarding to see innovative partnerships come to life.

“I had been following OLLY since launch, and when I saw they were hiring I immediately jumped on the opportunity. I was looking for roles that would allow me to work cross-functionally and to expand my knowledge of marketing and general business. I originally started as the influencer lead, and since then, the role has expanded to PR and partnerships. It’s been amazing to be a part of the OLLY journey, from startup through Unilever acquisition.”

On what she studied…

“I majored in art history. It was a required course in high school and I instantly fell in love with the subject, knowing that I wanted it to be an academic focus for me in college. Not only do you obtain a solid understanding of design and aesthetics, you learn how to be an analytical and creative thinker, and a strong writer, public speaker, and researcher. I didn’t realize it then, but I was creating the foundation I needed to have a career in marketing.”

On interning before she landed the job…

“Leading up to my first job, I had only interned at museums and galleries, so I never had traditional marketing or communications work experience. One of my most memorable internships was at the Legion of Honor Museum in San Francisco. I spent the summer working with the lead curator of the Achenbach Foundation for Graphic Arts, assisting with research and curation for the Impressionist Paris: City of Light exhibition, featuring works on loan from the Musée D’Orsay. It was incredibly tedious and it taught me that no task is ever too small.

“Finding ways to gain experience within particular roles or fields of interest is the best way to determine what you want professionally. You will never know unless you try and if it doesn’t work out or wasn’t what you expected, you have to look at it as a step forward to get you where you’re meant to be.”

“When you’re looking for a job, make sure you research the people, not just the role or the company.”

—Mari Mazzucco, Marketing Manager, OLLY

On what her day-to-day looks like…

“If I’m honest, it’s a lot of emails, meetings, and calls (and many coffee breaks in between). But if I were to break it down, really my day-to-day consists of everything from campaign planning and ideation, contract negotiations, budget management, content reporting and analytics, content review and creative briefing, and every once-in-a-while, events, meetings with editors, and photoshoots. I work closely with brand, social, and e-commerce to ensure we’re executing a true 360 approach.”

On the common misconceptions of her job…

“It’s definitely not as glamorous as it may seem and there’s no one set approach or formula to influencer marketing. Because these are true relationships, you have to be flexible and agile. I’ve found that the strongest performing content is often a result of brand trust—if you feel like you need to be heavily involved in the content creation process, then it probably isn’t the best fit.”

“I’d say that when you’re looking for a job, make sure you research the people, not just the role or the company.”

On advice for young professionals…

“Take the time to reach out to people who work in the field or role you’re interested in. Whether you find them on LinkedIn or meet at events like Create & Cultivate, never be afraid to ask for time to connect. People are more eager than you realize to discuss their own career experiences and to help out. Be direct about what you’re hoping to gain from your meeting, do your research, and prepare questions.”

On the importance of mentors…

“Absolutely. Mentorship affords you the opportunity to reflect on your own professional practices and to seek that of others. Personally, the relationships I’ve developed within and outside our organization have been key to my professional growth. In some instances, it’s actually directly led me to my next job.”

On career podcasts to tune into…

“How I Built This with Guy Raz is my favorite podcast. It tells the stories behind some of the most well-known companies and innovators. I tend to listen whenever I feel like I’m in a bit of a creative rut.”

On what keeps her motivated on challenging days…

“Working with such an intelligent and driven group of people. Anytime I feel a sense of doubt, I know I have a network I can turn to for advice and input. I’d say that when you’re looking for a job, make sure you research the people, not just the role or the company.”

On the OLLY initiative, she’s most proud of…

“It’s hard to choose just one! We’ve worked with Makeup by Mario for the past few years, and in the spring launched a co-branded product, which was a really exciting evolution to our partnership. In general, though, it’s been so rewarding to see how awareness and sentiment have changed over time, particularly via engagement with our long-term ambassadors. At first, many had not heard of OLLY or tried our products, but now when you scroll through the comments you see people say how obsessed they are, how it’s improved their health, and really changed their quality of life.”

On her best work hack…

“There is great power in the art of list-making. I make lists for everything, and especially on the days or weeks that I have a lot going on, it really helps keep my mind sorted, which is half the battle to get things done. Sometimes this can get daunting, so I break it down by day or even hourly. I find that when you complete even the most simple task, that sense of accomplishment helps keep you motivated. When I really need to head down, I put my phone away (easier said than done), block off time on my calendar, and find a quiet space.”

To discover more about OLLY visit, olly.com.

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"Your Voice Is Power": Dynamite's Director of Product and Brand on How to Boss Up Your Career

Ever wondered what people do at work? If you’re a voyeur like us, then you’ll love our series A Day in the Life where we get a real behind-the-scenes glimpse into the professional lives of CEOs, directors, business owners, and entrepreneurs we admire. From their morning routine to the rituals that set them up for success and questions such as “do you ever reach inbox zero?” because we all want to know how to streamline our lives.

“Your voice is power— speak up and don’t be afraid to show some passion.”

—Jessica Lutfy, Director Product and Brand, Dynamite

You don’t get to a director level in your career without some serious hustle and hard work but it all stems from the passion first. Jessica Lufty is definitely a result of all three. As the director of product and brand at Dynamite, she certainly has her work cut out for her but her love for the job and being able to work with “so many badass women” keeps her motivated and inspired.

To find out just exactly what a day-in-the-life of a director looks like, we tapped Lutfy to give us a glimpse from her morning routine to her greatest lessons, and productivity hacks. Grab your notepad, you’ll want to write these down.

What does an average day in your life look like?

“I wake up at 6 AM if I’m heading to spin, or 7 AM if I’m not. I prepare a cup of drip coffee and do my minimal makeup routine (most days just concealer and a tinted lip—mascara is for special days). I then check the weather app to curate my outfit for the day. Meetings start at 9:30 AM, which usually consists of assortment reviews, marketing/visual/photography/styling reviews, and strategy alignment meetings with my amazing team.

“If I didn’t make it to spin class in the morning I usually head over to the gym at the end of the day to reset the endorphins. Spinning is a major stress and energy release for me. When I get home I usually have a 15 minute (at least) conversation with my husband about what dinner should be. I like to keep it simple, while he thinks it’s an episode of Chopped. After dinner, we find some time to decompress before bed (which means Netflix of course). Lights out at 11 PM.” 

Are you a night owl or a morning person? When do you do your most important work?

“I’m a bit of both, to be honest. I can work out early and get things ticked off my ‘admin’ to-do list earlier in the day, but the real magic happens in the second half of the day when the creative juices are in full force. By the end of the day, I have been stimulated by so much creativity, passion and strategic conversations that it keeps me going until my head hits the pillow.”

Being a product and brand director means you wear so many hats across different facets of the business. How do you manage your time effectively?

“It’s all about communication and alignment. I regroup with my team twice a week to make sure we are all collectively working towards the same ‘north star.’ This allows us to focus on our priorities and execute on our mandates in the most effective and creative way possible. Each department within the banner has a piece of the puzzle to set in order for the brand to come to life the way we want it to. By consistently getting together and reviewing our goals, we keep each other accountable.”

Do you ever reach inbox zero? How do you handle the constant influx of inquiries and communication entrepreneurs are so familiar with?

“Never! I need to have clear goals established at the beginning of a season along with a bulletproof process to serve as a roadmap. The truth is that you can’t do it all, so it’s about doing what will help you achieve your goals and delegate (or drop what doesn’t). When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I make myself a physical priority list and pin it in my office. Somehow the act of writing makes it more attainable.”

“When you set a goal that is fundamentally important to you, you will inherently make strategic decisions that will allow you to reach that goal.”

—Jessica Lutfy, Director Product and Brand, Dynamite

When do you go to bed? What’s your “optimal” # of sleep hours?

“8 hours—anything fewer shows!”

What’s your go-to outfit to feel confident at work and how does fashion play into your outfit choices?

“My go-to confidence outfit would be an all-black look made complete with a menswear-inspired blazer.”

What’s the most rewarding part of your day?

“Working among so many badass women then coming home to my sweet husband.”

 What advice do you have for aspiring female founders?

“Your voice is power. Speak up and don’t be afraid to show some passion. Using your voice is a learned behavior that you can practice. You won’t always be right but the more you put yourself out there and make yourself uncomfortable, the more you will learn in turn.”

“The truth is that you can’t do it all, so it’s about doing what will help you achieve your goals and delegate (or drop what doesn’t).”

What are some of the biggest lessons you have learned along the way?

“People work for people. You can have the best product and the nicest workspace, but at the end of the day, you want to spend your time with real people who are passionate about what they do.” 

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given?

“Set goals for yourself, either in your personal life or in your career. I set a financial goal for myself three years ago, and just by writing it down and planting the seed in my subconscious I was able to achieve it. When you set a goal that is fundamentally important to you, you will inherently make strategic decisions that will allow you to reach that goal.”

What are some exciting projects you’re working on this month? What are you most excited about in 2020?

“In 2020 we will be elevating our product line as well as our brand image in order to better serve our customers through iconic fashion, thought-provoking imagery, and more personal connections. I am so excited for what’s to come as we take our brand to the next level.”

To learn more about Groupe Dynamite, visit dynamiteclothing.com.

5 Tips for Finding a Great Career Mentor

Bumble Booth Wallpaper by Murals Wallpaper

When I was in college, there was a lot of talk about finding a mentor who could guide you through tough career decisions. And to be completely honest, I was a tad skeptical. Why would someone willingly help me? Shouldn’t I hustle to succeed all on my own?

Now that I’m securely on my own career path, I’m beginning to see the benefit of having a go-to gal (or guy) to answer questions I can’t ask my boss, celebrate the wins, and mutually support each other in exciting ways. It’s never too late to find a career mentor and lucky for you, we’re partnering with Bumble Bizz to share five tips on how to find an effective mentor. And once that hard part is over, we’ll cover how to make the most of your relationship.

Dive in below and get two free coins to enhance your experience on the Bumble Bizz app by downloading them here (new users only!).

Tip #1: Identify What You Want + Need

It’s important to start by thinking about the type of person with whom that you want to connect. Try answering these questions:

What industry? Or industries?

What job title? Or what career path?

What information are you hoping to gather?

Why is this career mentor important to you?

Your answers to these questions will help you find clarity, which is important when finding a mentor. You should know what you want before diving in, so that your communication is stronger and your confidence is higher.

Tip #2: Matching Made Easy

Now for the fun part. Finding your mentor! This is much easier than you could imagine, especially now that social media is breaking ground in exciting ways. There are two ways that you should approach this step of the process:

Ask those personal connections. Text, email, and call family and friends, letting them know what you’re looking for (thanks for Tip #1, you’ll be squared away here). If someone can make a personal introduction for you, amazing. You can also try searching on LinkedIn, but keep in mind that an expensive premium account will only let you get super specific with your search. And that’s exactly why I recommend Bumble Bizz instead.

Go digital. Bumble Bizz connects professionals who are actively looking to share and learn from each other. They believe that networking shouldn’t feel so hard or, worse, uncomfortable. What does that mean? You can make life-changing connections at your own pace and on your own terms. Bumble isn’t just about dating anymore, it’s helping you cultivate the career of your dreams.

After you’ve downloaded the Bumble app, you start by crafting a headline, which is essentially an elevator pitch. Focus on what you do, what you’re good at, and what you’re looking for. For example, mine might be “Partnerships Associate looking to expand her passion for writing and developing brand narratives.” This headline will be what first catches someone’s eye, in addition to the photo that you choose. Speaking of which, your photo should be the perfect combination of LinkedIn professional and casual. Headshots are great, but don’t feel inclined to select something that’s not reflective of your true personality.

Another great part of Bumble Bizz? The Profile Prompts. You can answers questions like “The career person I admire the most is,” “Where do you want to see your career 5 years from now,” “My work mantra is...” and more. These will serves as great ice breakers when first starting a conversation with someone new.

“Another great part of Bumble Bizz? The Profile Prompts. You can answers questions like “The career person I admire the most is,” “Where do you want to see your career 5 years from now,” “My work mantra is...” and more. These will serves as great ice breakers when first starting a conversation with someone new. ”

Tip #3: Lean In

Don’t be afraid to reach out first, especially on Bumble Bizz. You’ll want to express what excites you about a person’s professional experience and what you’re looking to connect about. You can follow this simple template for sending that first message:

Hi [First Name],

I’d love to connect with you about [insert interest]! I’m also [mutual ground], so I know that we could both benefit from joining our networks.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

Hi Chelsea,

I’d love to connect with you about your experience as an Editorial Director! I’m also passionate about writing and have worked in editorial for several years, so I know that we could both benefit from joining our networks.

Then, you’re off! Ask for their email address when the timing feels right so you can easily transition from the app and into “real life.” Emailing will allow you to schedule a time to chat on the phone or in person.

Tip #4: Schedule Monthly or Quarterly Check-Ins

After you’ve had your first conversation, whether that’s over the phone or in person, and you’ve determined that this is someone you’d like to lean on in the future, schedule monthly or quarterly check-ins. Be courteous of the other person’s schedule, and ask them what structure is mutually ideal. Having a recurring call or in-person coffee means that you can save any big discussions—like career transitions, negotiating contracts, etc.—for when you have their undivided attention. You can, of course, talk to them in the meantime, just don’t be messaging them every single day.

Tip #5: Keep Them Updated on Your Wins

Talking about your accomplishments might seem awkward. But it shouldn’t be. It’s not bragging to share your wins (both big and small) with your network! When you get a raise, promotion, secure a new client, or anything that makes you feel successful, share that with your career mentor. They’ll celebrate with you, keep it in mind, and help you get to the next step when you’re ready for it.

What are your best tips for finding a career mentor? Share in the comments below!

This post is sponsored by Bumble Bizz.

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