The One Thing That Held Kristen Bell Back

photo credit: Brian Bowen Smith 

Despite the unfolding drama over a Lazy Boy in the Bell/Shepard household, Kristen Bell's life in Hollywood is refreshingly not dramatic. 

Sure, she can play a woman who accidentally winds up in a heaven-like afterlife, a cut-throat emotionally stunted employee, voice a Gossip Girl and a princess Frozen into our hearts, and find time to work alongside her hubby in the soon-to-be-released CHIPS, but she's also the woman who surprises her older sister, Sara (+ fam), with a basement renovation, has everlasting and true love for sloths, fiercely protects her daughters' privacy, and dedicates her time to organizations like This Bar Saves Lives. She's the kind of woman you want to grab fro-yo with and then let in on your plans to take over the world. She's the kind of woman you'd want around in a crisis. And you know what? She'd probably show up with a pickaxe, extra batteries, and some space blankets. 

We caught up with the actress and activist to chat aging in Hollywood, dealing with the girth and grit of social media, and what she's so damn excited about.

Social media wasn’t around when you were a kid, but you definitely seem to have a healthy relationship to it now. What advice to you have for young girls dealing with the pressures of social?

My hope for young girls in regards to social media is that they are able to discern the difference between actual reality and presentational reality. Once you acknowledge that everything you see is precisely curated and tailored to perfection, you are freed of the futile need to “keep up”. Social media can be super fun, but when taken too seriously, it breeds feelings of false inadequacy. It makes people, young and old, feel as if their life isn’t show worthy enough. And conversely, while you shouldn’t feel less than because of social media, you also shouldn’t feel more than. Don’t let your feelings of self-worth come from detached clicks. My fear is that young people conflate Facebook likes with human affection. They confuse the heart on Instagram for a beating one. My advice is to let social media be fun. Don’t let it be important.   

"Let social media be fun. Don’t let it be important."

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Who are some women you admire either in your professional or personal life? And why?

There are many women in my life I look to as examples of good, but one that stands apart is Shannon Sedgwick Davis. She is an attorney, a philanthropist, and is currently the CEO of the Bridgeway Foundation, an organization devoted to ending atrocities around the world.  I am in constant admiration of her ability to balance humanitarian and for-profit work, and her unwavering commitment to kindness. She is a model of compassion and my personal yardstick for righteous human conduct. She rules. 

How, as a woman have you thought about growing older and is that any different than how you’ve thought about it as an actress?

As I’ve gotten older, my life experiences have only gotten better. Age has brought me a newfound confidence, appreciation and peace that were previously missing. In regards to work experiences, I think the common sentiment is true: work becomes more challenging as an actress as you grow older. I have been very lucky in my career opportunities, but objectively age limits the roles you play. I can no longer play a 20 year old. It’s not ageism; it just wouldn’t reflect reality, and the entire profession is predicated on creating convincing realities. So, yes, I think there are professional challenges that come with age, but I also believe thoughts control your language and your language controls your life. Negative thoughts attract and self-fulfill a negative outcome, so I do my best to re-frame the picture and not allow future limitations to become my present ones. 

You’ve said that you “shatter” a little bit when people don’t like you. How have you balanced this feeling with a career where, at least initially, you’re hearing “no" a lot?

I, often find that many of the people pleasers I know are artists in some capacity. Yet, there is no other industry more fraught with no’s; death to someone who is always searching for a yes. When I was younger, I found this juxtaposition very hard to reconcile. But, I reached a point where I learned, out of necessity, to divorce my need to please from my career. It was the only way to survive the rejection and ultimately it was the key to success. There is a lot of excess noise that comes with allowing everyone to have a say in your self-worth. Once you shed that, you instantly become (ironically) a more likeable version of yourself. 

Plates are spinning around you all the time: actress, activist, mom, wife, friend. What’s your strategy for when you drop one? 

Gentleness. It’s impossible to complete life’s balancing act with a perfect record. You are bound to wobble or misstep or even fall. It’s just part of the game. But dwelling in temporary defeat is what causes more permanent ones. So, it’s very important to be kind to yourself, shake it off and move forward. 

"It’s impossible to complete life’s balancing act with a perfect record."

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What are you most excited about?

I’m excited about the near future when today’s girls are running the show. I attended the Women’s March in Los Angeles and was in awe of how many young faces were amongst the crowd. It was inspiring to see youth in action; 5th grade faces demanding equality and showing a mental strength beyond their years. When I was young, society asked its children to be polite, to follow the rules, and to stay in line. This new group has thrown all of those commandments away. Young girls are now being raised to ask questions, they are being taught to know the difference between “what is” and “what should be,” and they are learning how to demand fairness at a very young age. It brings me peace to know our future lies in these hands.  

Join us and Kristen Bell at SXSW where she'll be joining us on stage as our featured speakers. RSVP here. First come, first serve.

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20 Amazing Mic Drops from C&C Keynotes

Photo credit: Smith House Photography 

We're still riding the wave of Create & Cultivate SXSW and sharing 20 of our favorite moments from last week's popup featuring keynotes: Brit Morin, Brooklyn Decker and Whitney Casey, Hannah Hart and Mamrie Hart, and Kristen Bell. 

Enjoy and pass on to a friend who needs a boost! 

"I put my name in it because I want people know I'm real about this. I'm a real person. When you Tweet me, I'm gonna Tweet you back. When you Instagram I'm gonna Instagram you back. It's not a brand just trying to be a brand." Brit Morin on incorporating herself into the company.  

“I don’t think women brag about themselves enough.” Brit Morin on being a powerful woman in charge. 

“Cooperation over domination is going to be the cure.” Kristen Bell on what will move the business needle forward.

"Cooperation over domination is going to be the cure." 

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Photo credit: Smith House Photography 

“Investors want to invest in people.” Brooklyn Decker on being yourself in meetings and believing in yourself. 

“To know your differentiators you have to know the marketplace. Do you research.” Whitney Casey on how to enter VC meetings. 

“Be incredibly well-researched on the market that you’re entering. Understand it so well and it will help you prepare for any meeting.” Brooklyn Decker on how to enter VC meetings. 

“If I were a young woman right now I would learn how to code.” Whitney Casey on how we change the male-dominated tech world.   

Photo credit: Smith House Photography 

“Beyoncé, she’s our user, she’s our girl.” Brooklyn Decker on her Finery dream user.

"Good ideas spread, they're the best infections." Kristen Bell 

"We want to work, but we also want to create." Brit Morin on the impetus of Brit+Co. 

"You can kick down the door but you better be ready to fight when you get in there." Mamrie Hart on breaking down barriers (and kicking down doors above). 

"You can kick down the door but you better be ready to fight when you get in there."

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"If you try to please your audience you're not being your authentic self." Marie Hart. 

"When I would start to cry I would run to the bathroom to study it." Mamrie Hart on being an 8-year-old asking for an agent. 

"We're literally two girls with the last name Hart who started our YouTube channels in the exact same month drinking and making puns and we literally still don't feel competitive. So, there's enough room for everyone." Mamrie Hart on female competition and how she, Hannah, and third "Holy Trinity" member Grace Helbig really do support each other offline. 

"We focus so much on being pitted against each other, but we don't think about the social construct that has put us in the pit. That's the thing we should get together and try and change." Hannah Hart on women supporting women.

"It's intention into action. If you're intention is to get a lot of views and be famous, you can study all the strategies and compromise your values, but it might not work. So wouldn't it be better to make something you're proud of?" Hannah Hart of content creators breaking into the crowded space of social. 

"Ask for what you want." Mamrie Hart. Keeping it simple and smart. 

"This year especially, I just want to be around strong women. And I really want to focus on me and my girls going for it as hard as we can right now. I'm 33 and I really want to hit it hard right now. People are like, 'This is when you freeze your eggs,' and I'm like, 'No, this is when I get a frozen margarita with my bitches.' I feel like women right now need to come together." Mamrie Hart on the "Pussy Posse 2017" bracelets she gave to her friends. 

"In this 'climate' I'm worried that we're so focused on protecting our individual 'I's' that we're not listening to other people's 'we's.'' Hannah Hart on the need to be inclusive. 

"I believe our give back is the reason we are so successful." Kristen Bell on why she believes in This Bar Saves Lives and why she thinks social responsibility is the move. 

Have other favorite moments from the day? Share below!

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Links We Love: Pinksourcing, SNL's first Latina comic, and what is a "lady"?

It's Friday, and you've been so overwhelmed with work that you haven't had a chance to look over your Facebook feed. Maybe you just needed to look at a few puppy videos to get you to Friday and completely ignored everything else.

Don't worry - we've got you covered with what you missed and what helped make headlines this week:

Kudos to H&M to celebrating the unapologetic lady in their new commercial.

So what is the definition of a "lady"?

Speaking of ladies, have you heard of "Pinksourcing" your business?

Pinksourcing shows the realities of women working in the US, yet women are scolded for working while sick and taking time off for being sick. Point and case this week: Hillary Clinton.

Speaking of women in politics, here's how Obama's female staffers came up with a brilliant strategy to make sure their voices were heard.

Meanwhile, women continue to battle the wage gap. While many of them do ask for raises, they still don't receive them.

However, progress is still happening one way or another: Melissa Villaseñor is just got cast as SNL's first female comic. And OMG, is her Owen Wilson impression the best ever.is her Owen Wilson impression the best ever.

NYFW is almost done, but we're not over the fact that THINX just put on the most empowering anti-NYFW event. Bravo Miki Agrawal.

For the LULZ, remember that guy that tried to say how you should eat Phô? Well, this response is even better and just as ridiculous. 

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4 Positive Steps to Take When You're Denied a Raise

Men make more money than women in the workplace (most of the time).

We know this. It's an issue that has been widely discussed. Just this morning HuffPo released a spoof vid with actress Kristen Bell who touts the benefits of "Pinksourcing" on camera. In the bit Bells says women are "the cheapest, most affordable workforce in America!" AH, THE PAY GAP. It's so funny, except it's not. (It's so much easier to cry into a dollar than 77 cents.) 

One of the often cited reasons for the imbalance is that women are less likely than men to negotiate their wages, i.e. we don't ask. 

Well, not according to a new study published this month showing that that women do ask, they simply don't get. According to Broadly, "After analyzing the information submitted by approximately 4,600 employees over the span of 840 workplaces, researchers found 'no statistical difference' in the likelihood of male and female workers asking for a raise while working with their current employer." 

Researchers discovered that men were 25 percent more likely to receive a pay increase when they asked. 

So what do you do when you ask for a raise and the answer is NO? Here are a few ways to move on and up past the let down. 

ASK YOUR BOSS WHAT STEPS TO TAKE TO WORK TOWARD A RAISE 

So the big B said no. It's rough, however sometimes you’re going to be denied a raise because you don't meet the criteria to receive a raise. We know. If you're asking for a raise you think you deserve one, but you have to be open to the idea that you overlooked a few considerations. 

Or you might have just been doing an okay job without going beyond your role. 

Ask your boss or supervisor where you need to improve and how you can be a more valuable asset to the company. Chances are if you ask how you can improve and grow, your salary will too.

Keep track of everything.

SET CAREER GOALS FOR YOURSELF

Once you've asked about specific areas that need work, set goals and milestones for yourself in the workplace. If you’re up for it, encourage your boss to have review meetings to ensure you’re on the right path.

Be proactive towards your own promotion.

Maxie McCoy, the woman on a mission to inspire millions says, "When you have a clear answer you can do a few things. You can: A) work with your boss and their bosses on a roadmap for getting your output to match the salary you're desiring, B) consider if this is really the right role or company given you have certain value expectations for what you're putting in, C) assess if it's total sexist bullshit OR D) create a counter offer to see if 'no' is really 'no.'"

"DENIED A RAISE? CREATE A COUNTER OFFER TO SEE IF 'NO IS REALLY 'NO.'"

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DON'T LET REJECTION DISCOURAGE YOU 

You didn’t get the raise, but don’t let the rejection discourage you. A “no” is just another reason to move forward.

The worst thing you can do is let the rejection negatively manifest in your work, which will for sure not help. Grow from the no and survive the rejection.

"GROW FROM THE NO AND SURVIVE THE REJECTION."

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If worst comes to worst take your talents to South Beach like LeBron James and find a new job that will truly value your skill set. 

Latham Thomas, founder of Mama Glow says this: 

"You know the value you bring to your company- you also are well aware of your self worth. When you ask for a raise and don’t get it, you may have a slew of questions running through your head. The key is rather than to internalize the 'the NO' and start doubting your capabilities and strengths, use it as an opportunity to get a better understanding of how your boss and the decision makers view your particular situation and the surrounding factors. That will give you a clarity and a better idea of what was at play when they made their decision. This awareness can ultimately assist you in getting what you want and where you want to be much faster." 

KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN 

If you know that you’ve gone above and beyond for this job and have sacrificed so much to elevate the company and your position, and still no raise? It’s time to find a new job. 

Jobs need to work for us-- we don't only need to work for them. 

If your current job isn’t meeting your career goals, there’s no harm in keeping your options open.

Make sure that if that’s the case you maintain your work ethic at your current job and hold steady on that solid reputation. You don’t want to get caught up in petty office drama because you didn’t get a raise - it’s not a good look and it’ll come back and bite you when you’re looking for your next gig.

Keep it professional and keep moving on. 

For our NYC readers!! They've got more carreer advice! Catch Latham Thomas + Maxie McCoy LIVE in NYC for their popular workshop 7 Practices for a Gratifying Career

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