The Big Lie Killing Your Confidence

photo credit: Raymond Tan

Written by Maxie McCoy for Shine

There's this really amazing skill in life called maximizing your strengths and playing to them whenever possible. Not only does it put you in a position to be more successful, but it also it keeps you feeling energized when you're working within your talents.

From work, to interpersonal relationships, to creative hobbies, playing to your strengths is a great tactic for success.

On the flip side, however, dismissing your weaknesses can hold you back. 

How many times have you ever muttered the words, “I’m just not good at that.” Whether it was spreadsheets, entrepreneurship, painting, surfing, or public speaking, assuming that you’re not good at something and therefore staying away from it is a recipe for dissatisfaction. 

Believing that your talents, skills, and competencies are static is a huge lie you’re telling yourself. 

According to renowned Stanford Psychology Professor Caroline Dweck, the most successful people in life believe that everything develops and grows. They have a growth mindset which is shown to directly correlate to confidence as challenges are met with optimism in order to improve.

Believing that your talents, skills, and competencies are static is a huge lie you’re telling yourself. 

You simply need to rewire your brain to believe that you can absolutely get better at whatever you put your mind and energy toward. Getting into action on new skills helps build self-efficacy and creates new opportunities for you across the board. 

To harness a growth-mindset and improve your confidence start here:

Identify where you feel your skills are innate or predetermined

Where are you staying on the sidelines of your life? What things do you feel drawn towards but have convinced yourself that you’re just not good at?

Identifying these competencies is the first step in creating an action plan to improve them. Try listing out all the things you’ve ever assumed that you’re not good at. Circle the one or two you wish you were better at. And voila, you have a skill worth putting your energy toward.

Measure effort and improvement

No one wakes up as the best gymnast in the world. Nor do they become an amazing public speaker just by breathing. Anyone who is great at something has dedicated time and energy towards it. 

Everything about you can and will get better with effort. If you track and measure where you started and how you progress, you’ll be fueled with more encouragement to keep going when you see the positive outcomes. 

Know It’s Always a Stretch and Act Anyways

Anyone who does something that they don’t feel strong at feels the discomfort of a stretch. The greats? They do it anyways. They level up. The feel the stretch and keep going for it. 

"Anyone who is great at something has dedicated time and energy towards it."

Tweet this.

Having a growth-mindset keeps you moving toward that stretch instead of away from it. Stretching is key to knowing that eventually you’ll be able to reach the new level you so desire. 

Remember these four tips whenever you find yourself “convinced” that you’re bad at something. Harnessing a growth mindset will remind you that you’re not bad, you’re just inexperienced and being hard on yourself. 

If there's something you really want to experience, master, or create... don't let a few shoddy attempts discourage you. Because you're not static. You're not stagnant. You're not still. You're not bad at it. You're just not far enough in to have gotten good. Fiercely believe that you can, and you will.

An original version of this appeared on Shine. 

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6 Women Share Their Career Struggles

photo credit: Brooke Lark 

So you can’t ride a horse and drink a cup of coffee at the same time. Neither can we. When it comes to life and career we hold ourselves to tippy-toe top standards. We want to be able to do it all and at the same time too. Newsflash: it’s impossible. 

Even the greatest and brightest among us have faced challenges. Like one of our favorite authors and writers Kelly Oxford who once told us she feels like she can’t forge ahead, “every time I have PMS.” The struggle is real, but you’re not alone. Which is why it's all the more important to share these stories, reinforcing the reality that everyone goes through it. 

Read through how 6 amazing women mitigate the hard points in their respective careers.

Lauren Conrad on how her relationship to her career has changed:

“I've been able to find more balance in my career over the last few years. There was definitely a point in my life when I took on too much and was burning the candle at both ends. Since then I've learned the value in saying no and learned to delegate. It can be hard to trust others to work on a brand that you spent so much time on, but you can't do it all.”

“I’ve learned the value in saying no and to delegate.” 

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Sarah Michelle Gellar on taking a major risk:

“As my career has shifted drastically that has certainly taken some adjustment. At my age it would have been so easy to just stay and continue an already successful career, but instead I took the leap and try something I had never done before. Its been exciting, scary, rewarding and quite the adventure.” 

Rachel Bloom on a point in her life where she thought, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’

“I've never fully turned away from the arts, but there were points in college that my self esteem was so low I didn't know if I could make it in this business.” 

Kristen Ess on challenges she’s faced: 

“The hair industry can be very competitive and sometimes nasty. Other hairdressers/colorists will talk about you as if they know you or circulate gossip and it's a bummer. There were many times when I would hear about something ‘about me’ that was so inaccurate or just plain untrue and I had to learn really early to block that out and know that people who participate in that are just not for me.”

Cleo Wade on a point in her life when she thought, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ 

“I think we all have mini moments of that feeling throughout our day. Our brain is constantly second guessing our decisions. I think you know you are doing something great if you have moments of feeling overwhelmed. 

“You know you are doing something great if you have moments of feeling overwhelmed.” 

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Lauren Paul on the realities of fundraising and non-profits: 

“Starting and running a non-pro:t is incredible but when you sign up for this you have to know that it becomes a 24 hour job. It was important for Molly and I to look at the hours we were pouring into Kind Campaign and find a healthy balance between that and our family, friends and personal lives. It was also important to figure out how we could take some of the jobs we were carrying and bring people on board to help lighten the load. 

All my sisters out there who work in the non pro:t space know how hard fundraising is. There were many points in the first couple years where we were really struggling to get by financially. We would hold grassroots fundraisers with the occasional sponsor. We made a lot of personal sacrifices as a result. Everything changed a couple years ago when we had a huge fundraiser that raised enough money to make all of our programming free of charge for schools. We are proud to say that all assemblies have been free since 2013!” 

Have something you’re struggling with? Share with us in the comments below. It's self-caring. 

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Hawaii Office Hours: These 6 CEOs Will Answer All Your Questions

You've got questions and we've got answers-- from some amazing powerhouse entrepreneurs. Thanks to our RAD friends at Richer Poorer we are heading to Hawaii tomorrow to join six CEOs to dig in on what it’s really like putting yourself out there.

Over the course of the trip we'll be swapping war stories; the ups and downs, anxiety, stress, burning the midnight oil, and why it's more important than ever to support each other. Everyone needs a tribe. Even bosses. 

We will also be participating in the The JUST MORE panel at The Surfjack Hotel. Sharing the trails and tribulations of business ownership will be: 

Iva Pawling, co-creator of Richer Poorer
Bobby Hundreds, co-creator of THE HUNDREDS and JENNIFER
Jen Gotch, founder and chief creative officer of ban.do
Jeni Britton Bauer, founder of Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams and James Beard Award-winning author
Jaclyn Johnson, CEO of Create & Cultivate
Ellen Bennett, founder and creative director of Hedley & Bennett

If you happen to be in Honolulu, RSVP here. However, if you aren't able to make it to the sandy shores, follow along on our Instagram Stories. All week we'll be hosting LIVE office hour sessions with each founder. Submit your questions below. 

If you don't ask, you'll never know. 

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Why 80% of New Year's Resolutions Fail by Mid-February

photo credit: Elle Magazine

Written by: Marah Lidey, co-founder Shine

In the day or two after New Year’s Eve, you likely process a mix of feelings: euphoria and hope for a new year, resolve to change those ‘bad habits’ that held you back last year -- and often, a fresh perspective on who you are and where you see yourself going.

You probably set some goals. But not your friendly neighborhood diner type of goals. No, you set Michelin-star, creme-brulee-boasting, so-fancy-they-serve-the-salad-with-the-baby-fork restaurant type of goals.

You want to work on that six pack every day of the week, write a bestselling novel, give up being the ‘always late’ coworker, save 80% of the money you're making and call that long-distance friend everyday to check in.

We all set lofty goal for ourselves with each new year. Our ambition is one of the many things that makes us so amazing as humans.

There’s just one part of the whole New Year’s resolutions formula that tends to go awry. Our goals often aren’t sustainable. 

Change is hard overnight, and when we set unrealistic, binary milestones for ourselves and subsequently struggle to reach them in a short timeframe, we crash and burn. 

In fact, USA Today reported that by mid-February, eighty percent of resolutions fail.

The good news? There’s an antidote that is 100% within our control: setting goals with self-compassion.

In it’s simplest terms, self-compassion means being kind to ourselves when we feel inadequate or slip up. It's been proven to lead to greater emotional wellbeing and is linked to less depression, anxiety and stress.

Psychologist and researcher, Dr. Kristen Neff, defines self-compassion in three abilities: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. 

Self-kindness

...is about flipping the script and reserving judgement on ourselves (studies have shown that we are 3 times more likely to feel compassion for a total stranger). 

If we are struggling to meet a goal, there are probably valid reasons. Recognize that you’re going to do the best you can, and when you have off days - empathize with where you’re coming from.

Common humanity

...is about realizing that we all are imperfect beings. 

Recognizing that you’re not alone and that you will doubtlessly hit roadblocks along the way, can empower you to rely on community and support for others in moments of self-criticism. There is a 100% chance that someone else has felt exactly the way you do, whether you’re crushing it or struggling.

“Self compassion helps bridge the gap between who we feel we are and who we really are.”

Mindfulness

...is about cultivating an awareness. We can’t be kind to ourselves or rely on the power in shared humanity if we don’t recognize when we’re being particularly hard ourselves.

As Dr. Anna Rowley, Psychologist and millenniall wellbeing expert says, “we can separate ourselves from our negative thinking or feelings of inadequacy. Your boss chews you out for a report she doesn’t like. You have a choice - dwell on what a failure you are or practice mindfulness and acknowledge the feedback and do better next time. By separating ourselves from the emotion - anger, frustration, or self pity - we are available to problem solve.”

Did you know? We are 3 times more likely to feel compassion for a total stranger than for ourselves.

Unfortunately there is a common misconception, that being compassionate with ourselves means that we’re going to take it easy, give ourselves a pass to never improve or become set in our ways.

But the reality is, that when we focus on empathizing with ourselves and meeting ourselves where we are - we can set goals that build on our strengths and realistically help us improve.

“Self compassion helps bridge the gap between who we feel we are and who we really are,” says Dr. Rowley.

She continues: 

“Resolutions are hard to change because we are trying to alter aspects of ourself we aren’t happy with or behaviors we may have ‘lived’ for a long, long time. Many of us set unrealistic or unreasonable goals. 

For example, "I will go to the gym 4 times this week”might be a tough resolution to keep if you have never been to a gym before or you are embarrassed walking into a room full of strangers grunting and heaving. Self compassion is about reducing the risk of feeling like a failure if you don’t nail your immediate goal. 

It also helps us set more realistic compassionate goals. Rather than join a gym I’ll go for a walk or next time I shop I’ll look for a more healthy choice of foods. Self-compassion can help us make smarter choices and offer a helping hand when we mess up - and we will mess up.”

So, this year as you continue to grow, evolve and work on yourself - remember to set goals that allow you to be kind to yourself.

Sign up for Shine to set an intention and track your goals for the year.

The original version of this article appeared on Shine. 

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What You Missed: Work + Wellness Panel at Topshop

There may have been a baby blizzard outside, but our Work + Wellness pop-up at Topshop in Soho was still packed with panelists, audience members, knowledge, and some fab outfits thanks to Topshop Personal Shopper. 

We took it to the audience at times-- asking who felt burnt out, who had cried in the last week, and despite decreased visibility outside, inside the store it was very clear: we all felt the same way-- a little burnt out by the 24/7 nature of work and life, the tech tear, and that no one can do it alone. 

Here are six of our favorite takeaways from last night. 

START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT

But know that means different things to different people. 

“When I first started working, I was so eager to impress my boss,” shared Colleen Wormsley of Shine. “The sun would go down, I would still be working, and I missed being outside. So in the morning I made the conscious decision to walk. To take the subway farther away, so I could have that 15 minutes in the morning to clear my head. To start my morning that way.” 

Nicole Loher, who works a full time job, trains for triathlons and is a wellness influencer, says that she is constantly taking small steps to get it right, but echoes the idea that ‘right’ and ‘well’ are subjective— a word that host, model, and dancer Ally Love brought up. 

Case in point: the morning of our panel Nicole woke up at 4am to train with her swim coach. “Every day is a work in progress for everyone,” she shared.  

IT IS POSSIBLE TO FULL TIME/ PART TIME & BE HAPPY

Ally Love, who is a part of the “slash generation,” works best when busy. But doing five jobs and attempting to give her one hundred percent to all of them, was proving too challenging. Doing everything for the multi-talented woman meant she had to realize she wasn't going to do it “all” alone. “If you’re going through divorce, you go to a really good lawyer because you want it to end well. If there’s something wrong with you, you go to a good doctor because you want to live. The same thing goes for your career," she explained. "If you want things to go well, outsource to really great people.” 

“I had to ask for help,” she told the audience. “I created a team knowing I had to trust other people who knew what my end goals are and how to leverage opportunities.” 

“Burn out is real,” shared Nicole, piggybacking on that idea. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.” “Find what you love to do in your full time job and try to make sure that your full time and part time job can merge,” explained the wellness influencer who in her full time job likewise manages influencers in the wellness space. 

Or know what you do best. “I made the part time, the full time,” said Jessy Fofana of La Rue PR. Speaking of: 

KNOW YOURSELF

Keeping up with the web and social is a struggle for everyone— from the most seasoned influencers, to those who appear to have their content game on lock, to the women on panel. 

“You have creativity," said Ally, "but creativity comes in different ways. I get creative when I get exhausted. That’s when I find new effective ways to grow. So know your energy type. I need to get depleted to sit down and have a great idea.”

"Your success level is not established by how active you are, but how productive you are."

Tweet this. 

“I need to use a lot of my unnecessary energy to tap into the power within in,” Love told the crowd delving in a little deeper. “Other people have that direct connection. Your success level is not established by how active you are, but how productive you are. Trust that inside of you.” 

BE CONSCIOUS

“For people who are working weekends and nights and feel like there is an expectation that they put in a lot of time— there probably is that,” said Rebecca Willa Davis, Deputy Editor for Well + Good. “But I also think that even in our downtime we are taxing our systems. We’re watching Netflix while we’re on our phones, while we’re eating dinner, while our friend is sitting next to us,” she said. “We're not fully embracing our downtime." 

Rebecca understands that the content game is 24/7. “When you send out a newsletter seven days a week, there’s no way to get around that.” But she qualified, “There are ways to make sure that free time feels like downtime, so when I am working, I’ve had some relief.” 

It other words: unplug, get outside, and pay attention to the friend sitting next to you. 

“Think about how your non-work time will benefit your future work time,” added Colleen. “Some of my best ideas that I never would have thought of happened because I turned off, went and saw a friend and had a conversation.” 

AND ALSO BE A CONSCIOUS BOSS

Rebecca shared that she typically sets aside nights and weekends to get emails out, but even though that schedule works for her, it wasn’t the healthiest for her team. 

“When I was sending out these emails late at night or on the weekends, the people on my team felt like they had to be on at all times because their boss was on at all times.” Adding, “I think of work and wellness as not only wellness for myself, but wellness for my team.” 

So what did she do? She downloaded an add-on that schedules when her emails send. “It’s so simple,” she explained, “but allows me to work within the schedule that works best for me, without imposing on other people.” 

ON AT ALL TIMES? 

Do we need to turn up or turn off? 

Millennial burnout is real. Nicole shared that a few years ago she was working for a company she was so passionate about, but spread too thin. “It was a taxing, emotional rollercoaster,” she said. She was crying every day, working 15 hour days, and she was only 23. “I wasn’t able to focus on myself, get in my workouts, or even see my friends and family.” She left that job, without anything lined up, and then wrote about it openly on the internet. She credits this as her own “personal point of becoming well again and moving on.” 

"When you let go of something good, you’re only making way for something great.” 

Tweet this. 

“It took a lot to admit to myself that I was burnt out. It was a really scary moment to quit my job. But I think 2017 is a great year for millennials and the slash generation because you don’t have to be one thing anymore. When you let go of something good, you’re only making way for something great.” 

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The 5 Ways to Pitch Your Boss to Attend Create & Cultivate

photo credit: Tyler Joe for Elle

Tickets for C & C NY are about to SELL OUT, which means it's time to act. 

That might mean pitching your boss to foot the bill. This is a smart move, and we are here to tell you how to sell your boss on it. 

Some companies have established budgets for job-specific and career advancement training. Some don't. Either way, here are our 5 top reasons to get your capital B Boss to send you to NYC.

RELATIONSHIPS THAT COUNT

The connections and relationships you have access to at C & C are unparalleled. Where else can you interact with #squadgoals and #bossgoals on such an intimate level? Sure, it's easy to ignore an email. A follow-up email. Even a voicemail. But if you take advantage of the golden opportunities in New York, whether through our mentor sessions, it could open a myriad of doors-- not only for you, but for your company as well.

Not to mention, the mentor sessions are heralded by our attendees as some of the useful stepping stones they've ever had.  

GETTING A FOOT IN THE DOOR EARLY

Big relationships and partnerships matter, but so does having your finger on the pulse. This is something that Create & Cultivate and our team members excel at. Sure, our past keynotes like Jessica Alba, Rachel Zoe, and Chelsea Handler have seen huge success, but there are smaller, lesser known (though on the path to blowing up) women who your boss might not be aware of… yet.

The conference is your foot in the door, to introduce you to a wide array of valuable partnerships. Round up a list of all potential female entrepreneurs changing the game and brands that will be onsite, research their stats and why you think it would be good to get on their radar now, and sell your boss.

DIGITAL EDUCATION BOOTCAMP

Sure there is fun to be had-- goodie bags and a power cocktail hour, but C & C gets down to brass tacks. The panel discussions, from putting brand before business to why content will always be Queen, gives attendees direct takeaways. You're learning from the best in the biz, like Rebecca Minkoff, Aimee Song, and CEOs who are sharing how they built their businesses. They're there to pass on how they did it, while also encouraging you to forge ahead.

IMPORTANCE OF GETTING OFFSITE

The work environment has changed, and working from a mobile office is one tenant of the new working world. However, beyond working on-the-go it's important to get out of the office and put your skills to good use. As they say, if you don't use it, you lose it. If you spent most of 2016 behind a computer or in an office, explain the benefits of hands-on experience. Whether you want to use C & C to work on interpersonal skills-- like sticking out a hand and introducing yourself to a stranger-- or as the first place to make your mark in the business world, there is nothing like practical application.

"To make your mark in the business world there is nothing like practical application."

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CONFIDENCE BOOSTING

In the same way that a wellness retreat works to revitalize your body, a conference like Create & Cultivate works to boost your brain power, which in turn gives you a confidence jolt like no other. When you leave New York you'll feel energized and ready to dive back into your job with more fervor than ever. Which isn't to say you don't give it your all now, but there is something about the energy generated at C & C that gives attendees the focus and confidence to really assess and hone their strengths.

BONUS: TELL YOUR BOSS YOU'LL BRING HER HOME YOUR VIP SWAG BAG...

And remember when you're presenting this to your boss, it's crucial to nail down specifics that are relevant to your job. Find the speaker, panelist, or mentor that is most beneficial to you, your current position, and your company as a whole. Elaborate on how building a relationship with this person will be of merit to all three. Give your boss deliverables. If you tell her you're going to have a conversation with , make sure you're breaking down why this is relevant. Bosses are interested in ROI.

So get to pitching and follow these words to tickets here.

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Wanna Be a Blogger? Rocky Barnes Shares 9 Inspiring Ways to Help

photo credit: Jessica Bordner Photography 

With almost a million followers on IG and years of blogging under her fashionable belt, Cali-bred Rocky Barnes knows a thing or 9 about how to build a following. "People want to see your fashionable life," she told the audience at our first Style Summit at Sawgrass Mills. We've got the 9 ways she's suggests doing so. 

So go ahead, have your own Super Bowl Sunday-- building your career.

1. "Some brands will elevate you, and vice versa. It's all about finding the right match when collaborating.

2. "There's always something you can do, and you have to find what platform works best for you."

3. "Quality over quantity, you don't have to stick to keeping up with the Joneses in social media."

4. "Instagram is a good archive for your content. It's not a home for all of your content."

Tweet this.

5. "Do what you feel is cool, forget about the likes. It's a bigger picture idea of what you want your world to look like."

photo credit: Jessica Bordner Photography

6. "I believe in the block and delete policy."

7. "Don't get lost in what other people are doing."

8."Don't take anything personally, because it's not about you."

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9. "You are the creator of your own world. Give your audience a view into it through your social media." 

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What You Missed from Our Work + Wellness Pop-up at Topshop

2016 was about balance, but this year the topic on everyone's mind is wellness. Sure, they go hand-in-hand, but we're widening our gaze. 

Which is why we gathered at Topshop at the Grove LA last night to chat with Lizzy Okoro, the founder and EIC of BUNCH Magazine, Christina Topacio of Jig + Saw, Maya Washington, also known as Shameless Maya, and Tara Sowlaty and Jessie De Lowe co-founders of How You Glow. 

The conversation veered from finding boundaries while pushing yourself to the bigger picture of wellness as vibrancy. Here our 5 of our favorite takeaways. 

1. SHARE YOUR IDEAS 

There is a fear that if you share what you're working on, someone will come along and snatch it up.

Lizzy Okoro says it isn't so. "Tell everyone your idea, no one will steal it," Lizzy told the audience. It keeps you accountable.

"Tell everyone your idea, no one will steal it."

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Christina echoed the sentiment. "If someone steals it, it was never yours to begin with; it was never going to pop off." 

2. THE TECH ADDICTION IS REAL 

Jessie, who in addition to How You Glow, works as an Art Therapist says that she's seen an upsurge in social media and tech addiction, and that it's not going away any time soon. To combat the blue screen haze craze, the glowing gal and mama-to-be practices a phone free bedroom. She doesn't have a bedside table, which makes keeping her phone out of her room at night easier. 

"I don’t bring it in bed with me, it’s not allowed. If you don’t look at it right before you sleep and right when you wake up, there is 20 minutes of clarity," Jessi shared. She also urged attendees to find healthy boundaries in how, when, and why they are consuming content. "The digital world isn't real," she said, while acknowledging that it's still an integral part of our lives and businesses. "You can't see it and you can't smell it," she said about digital, making it all the more important to get outside. 

photo credit: Josh Escueta

3. FIGURING OUT HOW TO 'THROW IN THE TOWEL'

Most of the women on panel had the ah-ha moment when they knew they had to leave one job to focus full time on their passion. 

Christina recently shut down her blog of ten years, Profresh Style, to focus full time on her new Jig + Saw venture. "The money can't be the driver of any entrepreneurial dream," she told the crowd. "You'll always fall broke." Lizzy, who was working as a school admin during the day and BUNCH at night, had her moment when she knew she couldn't do both. "I was sucking at being an employee, sucking at BUNCH, I wasn't a good friend, a good girlfriend, and at that point I realized, I had to go." Qualifying, "Well, 'go' in 6 months, I couldn't afford it." 

The Editor in Chief added, "When you literally. just. can't-- all the time, that's when it's time." 

Jessie kept it simple but straight-forward. "If your job is making you physically ill," she shared, "it's time to go." 

5. ABANDON DANGEROUS THINKING 

Lizzy brought up the cult of busy and hashtag glorifications that take us down the dangerous rabbit hole of wanting to work all the time. "#sleepwhenimdead," shouldn't be a thing. She was burning the candle at both ends when a friend told her, "Listen, if you take a night off, go to the movies and your business fails, you need to get out of that business." It stuck with her. 

Maya, who's social experiment with Shameless Maya and "shamelessly" promoting herself for 365-days was an act of truly accepting her whole self, told the crowd to "be aware of what’s trending, but be aware of what works for you."  

"It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype, but you’re going to lose," she said. 

photo credit: Josh Escueta

5. ACCEPT 'VICES' 

The How You Glow gals are all about balance. Working out, eating healthy, and indulging. Jessie shared with the audience that they should "build in allowed vices, so it doesn't feel like you've messed up."

Paraphrasing Picasso, Tara told the audience one of her favorite pieces of advice is to "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist."

6. WITHOUT RISK... NO REWARD

Maya brought it home telling attendees, "You gotta give up to gain."

"You gotta give up to gain." 

Tweet this.

"I had to give up so much," she shared about her career. "Personal relationships, sleep, everything came at a cost. So you need to evaluate what your priorities are, but also really examine yourself. You are in control of your life." 

We are heading to NY next Thursday for at Work + Wellness panel at Topshop Soho. Get in on the convo and RSVP now! Space is limited. 

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The 5 Key Blogger Takeaways from Our First Style Summit

Photo by Jessica Bordner

What a 2017 it’s been for us at C&C! And it’s only January.

Last week alone, we launched our first ever Create & Cultivate 100 list, and then hopped on a plane to Florida for our very first Create & Cultivate Style Summit at The Colonnade Outlets at Sawgrass Mills.

If you couldn't make it to Fort Lauderdale and missed out on Saturday’s Style Summit (and the amazing florals thanks to Designs by Darenda), we’ve culled some of the best tips from our amazing panelists. From how to utilize your Instagram feed as a business medium, to creating a brand and a business as an influencer, to diving into doing fashion full time.

IF YOU WANT TO BLOG FULL TIME, YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TIME.

Contrary to what the outside world may think, blogging= not so simple. You don’t get 100K followers overnight, and brands don’t come running to partner with you because you own a blog.

Although they have established large followings, many of the bloggers from Saturday, including Stephanie Hill of The Style Bungalow, Nikole Powers of In High Demand, and Symphani Soto are still looking to grow their followings.

And getting to where they are has taken considerable time. “You have to give it time and invest the time and energy in creating good content and creating a great brand,” says Stephanie. “It doesn’t come easy.”

USE YOUR REAL WORLD EXPERIENCE AND APPLY IT TO YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Blogging full time may be a dream job for many, but for many influencers it started as a side hustle. Use this to your advantage. How?

For those starting out, a rule of thumb to follow is to absorb as much knowledge as possible, which seems obvious, but success is in the details. Pay careful attention to how your current role might help inform your business strategies as a blogger. Also be sure to cultivate relationships and don’t burn bridges.

“The industry is very small,” says Kristen Leahy of Fancy Things Blog. “I’ve applied my knowledge I’ve learned in the PR industry to running my blog, and the connections I’ve made have helped me grow my blog as well.”

Gorgeous florals by Designs by Darenda. 

ALIGN WITH PARTNERSHIPS THAT MAKE SENSE FOR YOUR BRAND

Making money. At the end of the day, that’s also what blogging is about. And when you’re first getting started it’s very tempting to say “yes” to dollars. Forget outfits, you need to pay rent.

However, when you’re building a brand, you want to make sure that you are committing to a collaboration that will help your brand in the end. “When working with a brand, you have to think whether they’re going to help or hurt your brand,” says Nikole Powers.

Also, it’s not all about the money. Keep in mind that you’re also creating brand that is a reflection of who you are. “If you become a blogger just to make a lot of money,” says Stephanie Hill, “this gig is not for you.”

In short: “Don’t be a sellout,” says Natalie Suarez, who took a moment in between dropping knowledge to hit the Sideshow Booth with sister Dylana (see below) and snap a few shots.  

INVEST TIME IN MAKING A MEDIA KIT

While your website and your social media channels serve as an archive for all the amazing content that you have created, when you’re looking to grow your brand and establish a professional presence, you have to invest time in creating a media kit.

All the girls on panel this weekend have created their own media kits, whether they made it from scratch or bought a template on Etsy to help them start. And it’s also not rocket science if you feel intimidated by creating one.

“My media kit is simple and states the facts. Report impressive numbers, add beautiful imagery that you already have on your blog, and showcase notable collabs,” says Stephanie Hill. “Also, make it as easy as possible for brands and potential collaborators to read your deck. They don’t have time to read essays.”

Natalie and Dylana Suarez in the Sideshow Booth. 

BUILD CONTENT TO YOUR OWN STANDARDS, NOT ANYONE ELSE’S, AND STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

Last, but certainly not least, the one key to creating a brand as an influencer is to make sure that you’re creating YOUR OWN BRAND. Blogging is a very competitive field, to say the least, so you have to make sure that your content is able to stand out and not blend into what everyone else is doing.

“Don’t build your content to live up to everyone else’s standard. Do you,” says Kristin Clark of Living In Color Print. If you tune out of what everyone else is doing, you can create amazing content on your own. “Be inspired by others, but always make sure you are always doing you,” as Nikole Powers would say.

What were your favorite takeaways from Create & Cultivate Style Summit this weekend? Let us know below!

ORE FROM THE BLOG

How the CEO of C&C Built a Truly Original Company

What’s does it mean to be a New Original?

It means you’re forward-thinking. A free thinker. You get outside the box and you pull people along with you. You see a hole in the market and go after it with everything you have. You trust your gut.

Which is exactly what happened when Jaclyn Johnson launched Create & Cultivate. After digging around the internet for answers about what it means to be a woman in business, she came up empty. What she ended up creating is a life and business fuller than she ever imagined.

With double-digit conferences under her belt and plenty more to come this year, American-made luxury eyewear brand STATE Optical Co. caught Jackie in between meetings to chat about what it’s like to be a boss in 2017.

Who has influenced you most?

I am consistently inspired by the women around me, I get to meet so many incredible women who are working hard to shatter the glass ceiling, push each other further and taking on challenges to pave the way.

What is your definition of excellence?

Your own version of getting it right.

If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

We need women in power, we need women taken seriously and we need real systemic change when it comes to women in power.

Head over to State Optical Co. to read the full profile on Jackie where she shares her key insights to success as their latest New Original ambassador. She also happens to look damn good in glasses.

7 Tips to Doing Influencer Integrations the Right Way

Living In Color Print

Working with influencers is an essential part of growing your brand—they can help spread awareness, garner press and introduce you to a new audience. Here, our partner DBA —a digital talent agency that reps some of the top talent in the influencer sphere—put together some tips for building great partnerships and successful relationships that will keep everyone happy.

1. Identify goals for your campaign: Setting goals is one of the easiest ways to ensure your brand’s relationship with any influencer is a smooth one and most importantly, a productive one. Be it brand awareness, product sales or heightened engagement, make sure you have a clear outline of what it is you are trying to accomplish before the start of any campaign.

"Have a clear outline of what it is you are trying to accomplish before the start of any campaign."

Tweet this.

2. Investigate before you jump: Do your homework. Ask for media kits, and consider influencers and content creators who have a track record of helping brands reach their goals.

3. Mind the Details: When you do your initial outreach, have as many details ready to share as possible. This helps avoid surprises and keeps all parties on the same page.

4. Set a timeline: Timing is everything and that is especially true when working with influencers. Always be sure that your contract outlines set times for content previewing and posting. And don’t forget to be specific about which time zone the deadline lives in.

5. Provide a briefing document: A brief creates sets the guidelines so creativity can flourish and it’s a very necessary tool when working in the influencer space. Make sure your brief includes:
• All image requirements (do assets need to be in portrait or landscape?)
• Styling directions
• Share copy guidelines (key messaging, hashtags/tags, FTC disclosures)
• Do’s and Don'ts (do they need to avoid competitive products? does the outfit need to be head-to-toe? can talent use affiliate links?)

"A brief creates sets the guidelines so creativity can flourish and it’s a very necessary tool when working in the influencer space."

Tweet this.

6. Understand your influencer’s creative lens: When you work with influencers, you do so to capture their unique spin on your product or service, so keep in mind their voice and the types of content they are known to produce. Most importantly be sure to identify the style of post you are envisioning (collage board, personal style post, etc.)

7. Set up a kickoff call: This should be done before any work is done by the influencer.

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3 Steps to Hone Your Professional Speaking Skills

 “Well, you see, ummm, I just think that if we were to…”

Do you ever sound like this? Unsure of yourself and hesitant when you try to communicate in a professional setting? When you begin your career it can be tough to find your voice as a young professional. Conversing confidently in our personal lives is an accomplishment in and of itself, never mind the added pressure of the boardroom!

As a young woman starting out in the workforce, I have made my fair share of mistakes when communicating and have identified areas to improve. However, I’ve also found methods that work to speak in a voice that is true to you. Keeping these suggestions in mind will help you to grow and develop your style so you can best present yourself throughout your career.  

THINK ABOUT YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE

While communicating in a professional setting is certainly different than an everyday chat, this is where the root of your voice is found. Being a professional does not mean that you have to give up your signature sense of humor or your penchant for using words like “penchant”. In fact, when you tune into your natural tendencies you can better communicate your ideas and make connections because you are not preoccupied with what you think you should be saying.

KEEP YOUR AUDIENCE IN MIND

Just as you wouldn’t talk to your grandmother exactly as you talk to your friends, the same goes for your professional life. As young career women transitioning to the working world we have to get our bearings and understand the difference between a talk by the water cooler and a strategy session with management. Although it may seem obvious, we have to avoid being too familiar too quickly.

I learned this lesson when I first entered a new position and was going through training with my team. The extensive time we spent together allowed us to become comfortable and build a lighthearted rapport. When I interacted with my supervisor I was inclined to make jokes and behave as I had with my coworkers. After seeing his taken aback reaction, however, I realized that while it was perfectly acceptable to speak that way with my team, it was not an appropriate way to communicate with my supervisor. You have to look at the foundation you have laid with someone and should generally be more formal if you are unsure.

DON’T LET YOUR AGE DISSUADE YOU

As we are just starting out in our careers it can be difficult and downright nerve-wracking to voice our opinions and take a metaphorical and literal seat at the table. After all, we are new to the game, doing our best to build positive relationships, and don’t want to be the young person who said the “wrong” thing. What we must realize is that we were hired (or are making it as entrepreneurs for all of my self-starters out there!) for a reason: because we have experiences and skills that make us valuable and enable us to contribute productively to our organization. It is up to us to believe this and to act accordingly.

When you are struck with thoughts like, “I’m too young/inexperienced/new to the field for my comments to be valued,” it is essential to reframe your mindset. Appreciate that your fresh eyes and different life experience will bring up points that may not otherwise have been realized. Additionally, if you speak in a clear and concise manner I can promise you that the focus will be on your ideas, not your age.

When I was recently meeting with a manager in my organization (who I admire and aspire to be like) and her entire team, I was hesitant to make suggestions and speak up. I feared that if I said something that wasn’t well received in front of these senior leaders I would look bad and my qualifications would be questioned. However, I decided that the alternative of keeping quiet and missing an opportunity to add value would be far worse. When I shared my idea it was met with enthusiasm and I ended up taking a larger role on the project because of it. While every instance will not work out in this way (believe me, I’ve had my fair share of ideas that have been passed over), it is better to believe in yourself and speak up than to let your age be a deterrent.

If we want to be established and effective professionals, we must be true to ourselves, mindful of any situation we are in, and confident (never cocky!) in our abilities.

* * *

How do you foster a mindset that allows you to professionally contribute? What tips do you have for other women they define their voice?

This piece originally appeared on Career Contessa.    

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6 Quick and Dirty Tips for Marketing Yourself

photo credit: Bloguettes 

Are you looking to grow your following in 2017? Here are 6 quick easy to follow tips. 

1. BUILD TRUST

If you’re asking yourself what’s more important going viral or a steady band of dedicated users, think on this:

Exposure is great. It can make you feel like you’re doing something right and the world is catching on for good reason. But exposure can also leave you bare naked in the public eye with no plan to backup your following. Trust is the most important element to growing exposure and that doesn’t usually happen with a viral hit. You want to grow your influence steadily, giving your followers a reason to stick with you, not give you a 15-second-of-fame career.

2. MAINTAIN CONSISTENCY

If trust builds brand loyalty, than consistency builds brand recognition. According to Lauren Hooker, founder of Elle & Co, “recognition is key to branding. It's why we automatically think of Chipotle when we see a foil-wrapped burrito or Apple when we hear Siri's voice or an iPhone ringtone. These businesses don't switch things up regularly; they maintain consistency across all of the visual and invisible components of their brand.”

She advises, to “choose fonts, colors, and imagery and use them over and over again. Over time, people will begin to associate those design elements with your business and easily recognize your graphics.”

“Consistency,” adds Lauren, “also makes your brand appear professional.” Speaking of…

3. ALWAYS APPEAR PROFESSIONAL

We turn to Lauren again for this, who says, “First impressions are huge; they can make all the difference between someone taking you seriously or writing you off. If you're just starting your business, you don't have to look like you just started your business.”

4. DON’T EXPECT INSTAGRAM TO DO IT ALL FOR YOU

Instagram is an amazing tool that can broadcast your brand to millions of people. That’s the goal after all. But it’s not a magic app.

Instagram is the connector, it’s not the business. Use it wisely (and maintain consistency), but if you want to market yourself, you need to cast your net wider. There are a TON of fish in the Instagram sea and you need the social platform to funnel back into something else.

"Instagram is the connector, it’s not the business."

Tweet this. 

Whether it is a website, a service, or a product there needs to be something. Especially if you want to build out your brand to do more than schlock products in paid posts.

5. PARTICIPATE IN OFFLINE EVENTS

A like will never replace a handshake. And in many ways, they are not even comparable. You can pay your rent with a like, but you can bank on an IRL relationship. That means, attending conferences, like the upcoming Create & Cultivate New York, where you meet with like-minded professionals. Or pitch yourself to companies to speak on panels.

6. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR COMPETITION

Marketing yourself isn't solely about you. You can't change the game if you're standing in one place. While an authentic brand is a successful brand, you also need to have a leg up on the competition. That means keeping in tune with what they're doing. 

Fine tune your marketing efforts as you go. Pay attention to their audiences and see what they want and how you can provide a better service or product to them. Learn from their mistakes, and know that you can do much better.

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How to Rejoin the Workforce After Extended Time Off

Courtesy of Bloguettes

Figuring out how to get back into the workforce after extended time off can be frustrating. Many jobs want to hire candidates with recent work experience, and if you don’t have that, the job application process can be extremely daunting.

While it may appear as if you’re stuck in a perpetual state of unemployment, there are many ways to get back into the workforce after extended time off.

STAY ACTIVE 

Even if you’re not working for profit, one of the most important things to do when you’re trying to get back into the workforce after extended time off is to stay active. Start volunteering at a local charity or at local businesses/community centers.

When you have a large employment gap and you’re looking for a job, the worst thing you could do is sit around. Staying active in your community will give you something to put on your resume and it will help you network. You never know who you’ll meet and who will notice your work ethic. A recent government study found that volunteering is associated with 27% higher odds of employment.

Volunteering isn’t only about networking, but it gives you something current to put on your resume. If your last position ended years ago, your resume may often get overlooked simply because of the fact that there is nothing current on it. However, if you start volunteering, you can use that to fill in the time where you weren’t working. Even if you volunteer once a week or once a month for a span of time, you can use that to fill in employment gaps.

NETWORK

According to studies done by Glass Door, referrals are associated with a 2.6 to 6.6 percent higher chance of an accepted job offer. Reach out to recruiters, friends, and industry professionals to put the word out there that you’re looking for a position. Often people won't know that you’re in the market for a new role, and if they don’t know, they can’t help you. It’s a very small world, and you never know who might have an industry connection or information on an upcoming availability. 

Go out and get coffee with friends or family in your industry. Pick their brain and ask if they have any suggestions for how to brush up on your skills and get back into the workforce after extended time off. They may know of an opportunity which you can use to boost your resume or skill set.

Similarly, reach out to recruiters. People seem to have this notion that it’s better to get a job on your own instead of working with a recruiter, however, it is the complete opposite. Recruiters often have inside knowledge on positions that haven’t been posted to the public. They also have direct interaction with hiring managers and will be able to get your resume in front of someone immediately. How do you get in touch with a recruiter? Do a simple google search or look for recruiters on LinkedIn. Recruiters are always looking for strong candidates, so if you can reach out and highlight your motivation or skills, they will almost always be willing to help with your job search.

TAKE A CLASS

Are you volunteering and networking but still find yourself with extra time on your hands? Take the opportunity to learn a new skill or brush up on old skills by taking a course. If you want to get out of the house and have somewhere to go, look into community college courses. Don’t want to make that sort of commitment? Go for online courses which you can do at your own pace.

Platforms such as Lynda.com charge a small monthly fee and offer courses in many different areas. They’re all video based and let you take your time to finish them at your convenience. Aside from giving you something to do, this gives you the opportunity to add more to your resume. Have you noticed that a lot of the positions you want to apply for require knowledge of a specific software? Look it up and watch a tutorial video so you can put that you’re familiar with the software on your resume!

EXPLORE CONTRACT OR TEMP POSITIONS:

While there seems to be a negative connotation with the words “temporary” and “contract,” these positions can open many doors for you. Contract and/or temporary work can help you in 4 main ways:

• It will give you current work to put on your resume
• It gives you immediate income while you’re searching for a long term position
• It lets you network with industry professionals
• It gives you the opportunity to show off your capabilities

There is truly no downside to temporary work. While it’s not always smart to take a position in an industry or path you’re not interested in, temporary work gives you the opportunity to explore your options and networking opportunities.

__________

While it may be intimidating and daunting, there are many ways to get back into the workforce after extended time off. The most important things are to stay active and highlight your skills and abilities. Don’t be stagnant and wallow in your sorrows. Take charge of your life, get out there, and make something happen!

A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.

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How to Throw a Beautiful Boss Bridal Shower

photo by Jessica Bordner Photography

I've been engaged for the past year to my incredible fiance and it's been an interesting journey with many lessons learned, one of which I wasn't expecting--I'm not great at being a bride. I love throwing parties, hosting events and putting together our conferences, I'm not great at sitting opening gifts and playing the role of the blushing bride-to-be. Don't get me wrong I am so excited about getting married but I know one thing -- I'm better at being the boss than being the bride. 

However, going through all the traditions - my bachelorette and now my bridal party -- I've really enjoyed spending time with the amazing women in my life; hearing their stories of marriage, kids, career especially spanning generations. When we started planning the bridal shower, I told my sister I really wanted to work with all female-owned businesses and vendors -- this is something I have made a priority over the past several years, and it's been awesome getting to know so many incredibly talented women.

photo by Jessica Bordner Photography

For my dress, I teamed up with Megan, owner of Lighthouse Bridal and letterpress design in Fort Lauderdale (we met via her email to C&C!). Her selection was incredible featuring brands such as Daughters of Simone and Alexandra Grecco. We landed on me wearing the Farrah from Stone Fox Bride. For all the South Florida brides this is a must stop.

We also worked with Rockstar Catering owned by Rachel Pintarelli, a total boss babe, to come up with a super fun menu. The food and mimosa station was adorned with calligraphy menu's by Natalia from Papel & Co. The lush and bright florals ran across the entire table were orchestrated by Beth from Southern Floral Company and we had incredible succulents courtesy of Shop Succulent owned by Jessica De Gennaro .

The  bridal gift boxes filled with customized treats were from the owner and creator of Chic Sweets, Natalie Clamp. The styling and set up came together with the help Lauren Stewart of Urban Vintage. Guests sat family style at the handmade farm tables by Pat Ryan Designs, adorned with chairs and vintage rentals from husband and wife duo at True Love Decor. The boho antique screen served as a backdrop for opening gifts and was created by the talented Kathy Peterson Inspired. 

photo by Jessica Bordner Photography

Want more? The ladies at One Hundred Layer Cake have even more images and details about the tips and tricks that went into the event. 

The 31-Day Career Detox Every Woman Can Accomplish

Poketo

THESE ARE REAL RESOLUTIONS. NOT THE KIND THAT YOU MAKE JANUARY 1 ONLY TO DROP THEM BY MID-FEBRUARY. THESE ARE THE ATTAINABLE, SMALL-SCALE, REALISTIC COMMITMENTS EVERY WOMAN CAN MAKE TO CLEAN UP HER CAREER.

You can use this list in one of several ways. You can commit to completing one goal every day, going in the order we've suggested. Or you can print it out and cross each one off in any random order that suits your schedule. You can even tackle a handful of these in one Saturday. It's really a buyer's market—pick the process that suits you.

By the way, this isn't like your typical green juice detox, where eating a rice cake constitutes falling off the wagon. You're not required to finish every one of the items on this list or to start over if you miss one. Because think about it: even if you only manage to complete five or six of these tasks, you've still made major strides toward an easier and more fulfilling career path. Ready? 

31 DAYS, 1 ACTION ITEM PER DAY

1. Let's start easy: don't open Instagram today.

2. Go through your LinkedIn connections and remove anyone you don't recognize or no longer have a real and useful connection with.

3. Find your current resume and cover letter templates on your computer and organize them all into one folder on your desktop. Delete any outdated versions by searching "resume" in your files.

4. Send "touch base" emails to eight people in your network. Because everyone's pleased when you wish them a Happy New Year. 

5. Unsubscribe from three newsletters you no longer open. But maybe also sign up for Career Contessa's emails to keep the useful career advice coming.

6. Set aside a full hour to take an online class. There are plenty of courses you can find for free on different topics—even watching a handful of YouTube videos on a work-related topic can't hurt—or you can go nuts and sign up for a Skillshare membership to enroll in as many courses as you like.

7. Turn off push notifications on your phone for 24 hours. Then consider keeping them off for a week.

8. Install those pesky yet recommended Macbook updates. And, hey, update your phone while you're at it. 

9. Plan a girl date and don't talk about work. 

10. Plan another girl date and don't talk smack about any other woman, even if she's your most obnoxious coworker. 

11. Reread your LinkedIn summary. Is it still accurate for your 2017 goals? Is it too long? Just for the challenge, cut one full sentence from it. (For the overachiever, watch our LinkedIn Optimization webinar)

12. Good morning! Before you open Instagram or your work email, spend 15 minutes reading for fun. 

13. Update your resume. Cut down any descriptions of older positions that aren't related to your current career goals. 

14. Set an alarm clock instead of using your phone because tonight, you're leaving your phone in another room. 

15. Delete any apps you haven't used in the last month.

16. Practice saying "No." It's much harder than you think. Start by watching our webinar. 

17. Clean and organize your desk. 

18. Call a strong woman in your life (moms are great, as are grandmothers, but so are retiree neighbors and/or formal mentors) and talk to them about how they found their path.

19. Really figure out your monthly budget. 

20. Get outside. 

21. Unfollow people on Facebook who post political rants or comments that upset you, especially after the year we've had. It's both an emotional drain and undermining your creative productivity. 

22. Write a letter to yourself about your goals and plan to reread it next January. 

Write a letter to yourself about your goals and plan to reread it next January.

Tweet this.

23. Clean out your closet. Give any old work clothes to Goodwill—especially the ones you never wear but keep because they were expensive.

24. Chances are you've got some time off saved up from last year so brainstorm your next vacation. It doesn't have to be far away or long. If you're feeling particularly daring, plan a vacation you take alone. 

25. Organize your work and personal email folders. 

26. Change up your commute. 

27. Sign up for a class or watch a TED talk on a topic you've never explored before. Taking a basket weaving class counts.

28. Eat vegetarian today and/or pack a wholesome lunch. 

29. Connect with an old coworker for lunch or a drink. Ask them if there's anything you can do to help them.

30. Reach out to someone about an informational interview. 

31. Start a work journal. 

What are some other tasks you'd like to complete this January?

This piece originally appeared on Career Contessa.

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Dear College Graduate: Don't Rush It

Monica Friese

Graduating from college is such an exciting milestone. After earning our diplomas, there’s a whole brand new world out there ahead of us, one that’s equal parts exciting and daunting. On one hand, we’re filled with an entirely new sense of freedom: we’ve made it through the education system and landed on our feet, ready to make our mark in the real world. We can move to a new city or find a great job or hone a new skill (and there’s no more homework!).

On the other hand, we feel a sense of fear threatening to encroach on our good graduation vibes: from paying bills to finding a job we really love, we suddenly feel overwhelmed by how much there is to do, how much remains to be accomplished. Though we might feel overwhelmed by all that lies ahead, we think there’s value in taking things slowly by easing into the real world with patience and grace.

Check out some of our thoughts below, and chime in in the comments section with ways you’ve been able to transition into life after college.

ENJOY THE PROCESS

It can be challenging to even know where to start as we’re looking for jobs after graduation. We’ve always been taught that we can achieve any goal we aspire to fulfill, and while that encouragement is so helpful and valuable, it can also set us up with expectations that are just a bit too high.

While it’s true that we can (and will!) do anything we dream about doing, it’s inevitably going to take time (and lots of hard work) to reach our goals. The end result won’t just fall into our laps; we have to work hard to make our dreams become our realities. So instead of becoming intimidated by all that lies ahead, let’s try to enjoy each step of the way. Let’s practice gratitude for the small stepping-stones that shape our characters and prepare us for the future. Let’s celebrate little victories and revel in the small things that help bring us one step closer to achieving our goals. Let’s treat our selves on the days that we finish a project or come to the aid of a coworker or make our boss swell with pride as a result of our work.

Let’s enjoy the process and find joy in the skills that we learn along the way.

WALK THROUGH OPEN DOORS

We’re often presented with opportunities that don’t necessarily sound like the perfect fit for our lives. Instead of turning away from these chances, let’s take a minute to contemplate them and the positive effect they could have on our journeys.

When I graduated from Pepperdine University, my mentor set up several interviews to help me find a full-time job. While I appreciated the effort he put into orchestrating these opportunities, many of the job roles were not in my field of interest. However, I attended the interviews anyway and found immense value in walking through the open doors that were made available to me. I gained valuable skills by participating in these interviews and found connections that ultimately led me to another job, one that made me come alive in ways I never dreamed possible.

But I wouldn’t have found that job if I hadn’t walked through numerous doors beforehand. I had to put in the time and the effort and, ultimately, I had to trust the process. I had to have faith that if I kept moving, then the right opportunity would land in my path. Instead of remaining stagnant and still, I needed to be in motion and approach opportunities in stride, regardless of whether or not I viewed them as the perfect fit for my life.

I had to put in the time and the effort and, ultimately, I had to trust the process.

Tweet this.

The process reminded me that I truly didn’t know what was best for me; instead, I needed to embrace the wild ride I was on and realize that there was so much goodness in store, more than I could ever have planned for myself.

COLLECT NEW SKILLS

While we may dream of being a top player in our field of interest, it will take us time to get to exactly where we want to be. So in the meantime, we can work on honing skills that will equip us to achieve our goals. It’s a fact of life that at some point or another we will get stuck in a job that isn’t exactly what we’d hoped it would be, so we need to find unconventional ways to learn and stretch and grow while we’re there.

Instead of focusing on the things we dislike about a particular season or job role, let’s identify ways in which our current status can help prepare us for the future. Let’s embrace a less-than-ideal job by utilizing our time in productive ways: by forming great relationships with our coworkers, by learning a new skill, by making new contacts in our industry, by demonstrating that we can keep our chins up even when things aren’t perfect. All of these things will help shape us into the adults we were meant to become, ultimately paving the way for success in future roles that will lead us to our dream job.

Where do you find encouragement when you’re in a job that’s less than perfect? What tips do you have for transitioning from college to the real world?

This piece originally appeared on Darling Magazine.

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Is It Time For a Social Media Detox?

photo credit: Silke Labson 

Written by: Karin Eldor

Kanye, Kim, RiRi, and the Biebs have all done it. And now Gigi is the latest celebrity to add to the list. Hot off the heels of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and being crowned “Model of the Year,” Gigi Hadid announced she was unplugging from social media for a month, as an empowering move to live her life out of the spotlight and cope with anxiety.

Although we’d love to see NYE pics of Gigi and fam, we’re giving that a “like.” Or more like a “love” plus a string of heart emojis.

It’s enough to make us wonder: is taking a social media hiatus necessary for our well-being too (and not just for those of us with millions of followers)? And what better time to start thinking about this than with a new year in sight?

IS SHARING REALLY CARING?

TBH, there’s a lot to love about social media. There’s the sense of community and sharing that social media offers. It’s an integral part of building and cultivating a business and a brand.  It’s a strong networking tool to connect with others and share recent wins, and it’s a great way to stay on the pulse of trending topics and buzzwords. Besides, where else are you going to see updates of the Evil Kermit meme?

But despite all its strengths, it seems like social media is doing more harm than good. Teen Vogue and several other publications have been reporting about the correlation between social media and mental health -- and the stats aren’t pretty.

In its article about social media and depression, Teen Vogue featured this troubling stat: “In a survey of 1,787 adults between 19 and 32, researchers found that people who used social media the most were ‘significantly’ more likely to be depressed. People who used it the least, on the other hand, were the least likely to be depressed.”

If this isn’t scary AF enough for you, then shoutout to FOMO and negative vibes for making social media seem even less appealing.

Maybe in order to grow professionally and lean in, you need to log off. Here are five reasons to unplug RN:

IT CONSUMES YOU

You know the drill: checking your social media feeds is the first and last thing you do, every day. (Holler if you’re guilty of scrolling Snapchat while in the bathroom. We’re keeping it between us; pinky swear.)

"Maybe in order to grow professionally and lean in, you need to log off."

Tweet this. 

And the worst part is, even when you’re not on social media, a post you saw earlier seeps into your mind, hours later. This is no way to be your most productive self!

We love this quote from life coach Marie Forleo, whose brand of badassery gives us life: “Don’t confuse getting inspired with getting things done. Create before you consume.”

You might claim to be creeping social media for inspiration, but at a certain point, you need to just get off and get shit done.

Pro tip: Start your morning by creating, no matter what this looks like for you. Whether it means gratitude journaling or drafting a pitch, let the sparks fly. Slow your scroll and opt for a more mindful approach to your morning and nighttime routine.

IT CAUSES COMPARISON 

As an entrepreneur, it’s easy to constantly compare yourself to others, which can make it hard to focus. Social media becomes an open forum, begging for people to post their accomplishments, aha moments and big wins. Don’t get sucked in.

Freeing yourself of social media will force you to focus your energy on you—and you alone. It will shift the power from posting to thriving; from growing your social media fan base to growing your talents and expertise. It will create that space you might be craving, so that when you do return to social media, you’ll be looking at it with a refreshed lens.

IT CREATES ANXIETY

After a not-so-sweet ‘16, our Facebook feeds seem to be populated with more hate than love, more #DividedWeStand rather than #StrongerTogether.

Here’s the irony: while social media was intended to bring people together, it can also sever relationships. All it takes is a shady post from someone in your network to give you second thoughts about that person IRL. So even a virtual action can impact a relationship, for better or for worse. And this in itself is exhausting.

If the doom and gloom on Facebook and Twitter become too draining to bear, a social media hiatus might be the solution. While it’s important to stay informed, you can still get your daily news from other sources. The news will find you. Trust. If you’re concerned, sign up to a site like theSkimm or check in to your fave news sites throughout the day (morning, lunch and evening). And bonus: we’ve got you covered with our “Links We Love” every Friday.

IT FEEDS FOMO

If the hate-filled rhetoric and constant clap backs aren’t enough, how about the FOMO-inducing pics of a squad weekend in Palm Springs (giant pool inflatables included)?

It’s natural to fear missing out and in a sadistic way, you might scroll your feeds knowing it creates pangs of sadness and jealousy. Taking a break will free yourself of this guilty pleasure and will eventually help you feel JOMO: the joy of missing out.

IT'S A DISTRACTION

Put simply: social media is a distraction. Can you imagine all the time you would win back from your life if you stopped looking at others’ posts and stopped hitting refresh to see how many new notifications you received?

I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m in the mood to procrastinate, I turn to social media. And as it turns out, it’s my greatest enemy.

"When I’m in the mood to procrastinate, I turn to social media-- it’s my greatest enemy."

Tweet this. 

So maybe it’s time to add a social media detox to your list of other resolutions. It will force you to get to work rather than snapping about it. Be militant and remove the apps from your phone if that helps. And if a month is too drastic, try a week without social media and see how that feels.  

Your future self will thank you.

Karin Eldor is a coffee-addicted copywriter, with a long-time love for all things pop culture, fashion, and tech. Ever since she got her first issues of YM (remember that one?) and Seventeen in the mail, she was hooked on the world of editorial content. After earning her Communications degree, she spent 6 years honing her craft as a Senior Editor for AskMen.com. More recently, Karin enjoyed gramming and strategizing as Social Media Manager at ALDO. Today, she is Chief Content Writer at 818 Agency and a social media consultant. 

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How to Apply for Out of State Jobs in 2017

photo credit: Lovely Indeed

If your plans for 2017 include a move, here’s how to apply for out of state jobs. There seems to be a common fear of applying to out of state jobs, but it’s actually fairly simple. The best way to apply for out of state jobs is to apply as if you were in state. What does this mean? Keep reading to find out!

FIX THE HEADER ON YOUR RESUME

The first mistake many people make is that they don’t change the header of their resume. The first step to applying for out of state jobs is to change up your header so it reflects the location where you’re applying to. No need to include an address, but if you’re applying for jobs in Boulder, Colorado, include “Boulder, CO” in place of your current address. 

Employers often shy away from out of state or long distance candidates because they simply don’t want to deal with travel/ or potential relocation costs, and want to start scheduling interviews quickly. Eliminate the opportunity for employers to write you off because of your location when initially reading your resume by applying as if you were in-state.

The way I always explain it to clients is this: If it comes up, be transparent and explain that you’re going to relocate, however there’s no need to give people the opportunity to pass you up because of your location.

"There’s no need to give people the opportunity to pass you up because of your location."

Tweet this. 

If a company feels that you’re the right candidate for the job, location won’t matter. 

DO THE RESEARCH

This territory comes with applying for any job, but it’s especially important when you’re applying out of state. Because you’re going to have to relocate for the position, you need to show recruiters and/or hiring managers why you’re worth the hassle, and why you really want the position.

Do your research on the company and job so you can include company specific information in both your resume and cover letter. A great way to do this is to find an area which you believe the company can improve and discuss how you feel you can improve it for them.

BUDGET WISELY 

If you’re applying for out of state positions, you need to be ready to hop on a plane (or jump in the car) and get there for an interview. If you reached out and applied for an out of state job, it’s your responsibility to pay the cost of travel and relocation.

If a company is pursuing you, meaning they reached out first, you can expect cost of travel and relocation to be covered, however if it’s the other way around, it’s all on you. The easiest way to ruin your chances of landing an out of state job is to be fussy and unaccommodating. If you want to land a job (and move) out of state, you need to be ready to jump at the opportunity. If a company feels like you’re too much of a hassle or that you’re not willing to make the necessary arrangements, they will likely go with another candidate (probably a local choice).

________

2017 is a new year and holds new opportunities. If those opportunities include a big move, learn how to apply for out of state jobs the right way. The best way to apply for out of state jobs is to act as if you’re a local candidate, show potential employers why you’re the solution to their problem(s), and be ready to jump at any opportunity. 

When applying for any job, it’s important to show employers why you want the position and why you’ll be the best fit, however when you’re applying to out of state jobs, it’s even more crucial. If you can’t show employers that you’re worth the risk of hiring someone in another state, you won’t be able to land the job. The bottom line is that you need to show employers that you’re willing to do anything to get the position. Show them this and you’ll be good to go!

A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.

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The Time-Management Survival Guide for the Busy Woman

You’ve finally made it! You’ve worked your butt off to get to this point and now it feels like everyone and I mean everyone is counting on you. The worst part is that now you seem to have NO TIME to enjoy any of it ‘cuz you’re so franticly trying to keep a billion and a half balls in the air. You’ve tried just about every organizing technique ever created and often beat yourself up for not fitting in that relaxing cup of hot coffee right after your 20 minute morning meditation and yoga practice followed by a productive and fulfilling day with your hair, makeup, and outfit looking chic and finishing the day with a delicious and healthy dinner and quality time spent with your loving partner. Ah, to be a woman that only exists in the movies.

Don’t worry, there is hope... and lots of it.

The secret is that Time isn’t a thing to be managed. WTF?!? I know, right.

Time is just a form of measurement and those pesky clocks just keep ticking no matter how much we try to control them. Our relationship with it is what we have control over. If you’re on the edge of throwing a mini-tantrum I totally get it. As a fellow passionately multi-hyphenate who desperately wants to feel in control of some part of her life it took me a bit of kicking and screaming to come around to be willing to try a new approach since my current one left me exhausted and frustrated. So without further adieu here are three (not time consuming and hugely effective) ways to change your relationship with time.

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

Radical acceptance is accepting life on life’s terms. You know those weeks when you map out exactly what you’re going to get done over the next couple of days and then your car breaks down or your son gets sick or your basement floods and there go all of your plans there are a few paths you could walk down in this moment.

•  You could flip out about how much time and money you’re going to lose and that it’s not fair that this had to happen now.
•  You could accept that this is what’s happening right now, it won’t last forever, and that your ship will right itself when this storm passes.

Then, grabbing a post it note (it’s that size on purpose) and making your To-Do List of 1 thing that would make you so happy to get done would be the way to go. Everything else you may get done is gravy.

THE POWER OF NO

Believe it or not people often respect someone who says “no” maybe even more than they do the person who says “yes” to EVERYTHING. It is not your job to do everyone else’s job. The key is to say “no” gracefully and authentically. Here’s how:

•  Empathetically acknowledge the person who is asking for your time and attention. i.e. “I could see how that would be really stressful” or “It makes sense that you’re really having a hard time with this.”
•  Be honest. i.e. “I wish I could give your situation the full attention that you and it deserve but I can’t right now.” or “Thank you for thinking of me but I, also, have a ton on my plate and wouldn’t be able to do my best work if I took on another project.”

 Short. Sweet. To the Point. Even if the person gets all snarky in the moment it’s not like they’re going to hate you forever this person already values your and your your opinions and abilities... and if they do who needs ‘em.       

CELEBRATION

Since you’re the type of gal who’s got her eye on the prize you may be whizzing past all of your wins along the way. That is NOT OK, Sister. Focusing on the process as opposed to focusing on the prize just may get you where you want to go faster, or at least getting there will probably be a lot more fun, and you deserve that.

 Make a three part celebration list.

•  Level 1: (I completed that thing that’s been weighing on me)
•  Living room dance party, happy hour with your best girl friend, and extra 30 mins of Netflix, a beautiful hike etc.
•  Level 2: (That was a ton of work and I did that s@#* like a champ)
•  That bag you’ve been eyeing, a new tech toy, a spa day, an impromptu three day weekend.
•  Level 3: (OMG! It really happened. I’m freaking out I’m so excited.)
•  That trip you’ve been hoping to take at some point, upgraded kitchen appliances, a new car.

Now you have to make it part of your routine (like every morning in the shower or when you brush your teeth at night) to acknowledge how cool you are then celebrate.

Maybe, you’ve only remembered to meditate once in the past two and a half months, you’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days, and you’ve ordered Thai every night this week. As long as you’re practicing accepting the fact that your life is rolling that way at the moment, releasing the fear of what everyone else thinks about you, and celebrating the victories that have gotten you to this moment you’re leaps and bounds ahead of most people on the planet.

If you have additional ideas of how to change your relationship with time and things that have worked for you in the past share the wealth with your fellow wildly busy female friends in the comments below.

Sharon Freedman has been a professional actor and voiceover artist for over 15 years and trained at The Coaches Training Institute with a desire to be more of service. A few years back she looked death in the eye and found that mindfulness and other evidence based therapeutic methods like DBT saved her life which inspired her to create her coaching practice Stress Reduction Joy Production.  She owns being a work in progress and practices bringing as much fun, creativity, and authenticity to the world as she can. Join us on FB at: https://www.facebook.com/stressreductionjoyproduction/

An original version of this post appeared on Blog Society. 

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