4 Microaggressions You're Not Paying Attention To

photo credit: Smith House Photography 

Overt workplace sexism is easy to spot. Most of the time.

Sexual harassment. Harassing language. Comments about women's bodies, clothing, and the way we speak-- we have a pretty firm grasp on the big NOs. Those are all means for dismissal. 

But sometimes sexism is so engrained/are attitudes we've adopted toward ourselves that we don't even notice it's happening. Company culture often starts at the top and gets reinforced by managers, so it’s not hard to see how a toxic culture could breed an environment of harassment, intimidation, and generally offensive behavior. 

And it's often up to us to make the shift. Even when presented with evidence, men have a hard time accepting that gender bias is real.  

So here are four microaggressions that can slowly chip away at your self-confidence in the workplace. 

Are you being asked to start the call?

Whether you’re the most senior person in the room or the most junior, are the women always being asked to dial in to start the call? Pay attention to who is charged with the dial in. It seems small, perhaps petty even, but making or asking for small shifts like these to be made can actually change company culture. 

Next time. You start the call, Jim. 

You're asked to order lunch. 

Everyone gets hungry, but if you're the only woman on the team (or one of few) and you're constantly being asked to order lunch, or do tasks that are often assigned to assistants, it's time to put an end to it. 

There is nothing wrong with ordering lunch. There is something wrong if you're the one asked to do it ALL the TIME.  

"You should be good at that."

The should that launched a thousand eye rolls. Any time someone suggest that you "should" be good at something based on your gender or race, that's not a compliment. Maybe you are good at it, but it's the intention behind the "compliment." 

Your authority is constantly in question 

Studies have shown that men often question the authority of their female manager, circumventing their authority and asking make boss before proceeding with a task. Derald Sue Wing, a leading scholar of microaggressions and professor of psychology and education at Columbia University, told Forbes, "“This is the type of climate that many women experience every day,” said Sue. “It can be exhausting and tiring, leading to battle fatigue that is invisible to fellow co-workers and, oftentimes, invisible to female employees. Often, they internalize their feelings and feel less worthy and less capable.”

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Why You Should Stop with the #Squadgoals

photo credit: Half the Story

Written By: Karin Eldor

Celebrities, bloggers and founders have been vocal about the negative impact social media has had on their well-being, to the point where many have implemented a detox or complete hiatus from their digital channels. Kanye is currently inactive on social; Ed Sheeran quit Twitter this summer after he was dragged on social due to his Game of Thrones cameo; and Saturday Night Live’s Leslie Jones took a short Twitter break after trolls cyber-bullied her. (She returned two weeks later, because she always gets back up. Yaaasss Queen.)

Chrissy Teigen expressed her dismay when she recently stumbled on a website created with the sole purpose of cyberbullying her. Not only is she often publicly shamed for her parenting choices, but some haters even mock her for being open about her experiences with depression and IVF. Sadly, people can be this mean.

On this World Day of Bullying Prevention (which always falls on the first Monday of October) and with World Mental Health Day around the corner on October 10th, it’s critical to highlight cyberbullying and how we can make strides to take it on—together.

Let’s Get Real

Shoutout to #HalfTheStory for providing a platform for people to create real connections with others, while shedding light on mental health and cyberbullying in the process. Founded by fashion blogger and social media strategist, Larissa May, #HalfTheStory is a global community that encourages people to share parts of their lives that exist outside the standard social media narrative. Life unfiltered. No Instagram highlight reels: just realness.

It currently features over 2,500 stories about bullying experiences, mental health, struggles, and crucial life experiences. People who have openly shared their story on #HalfTheStory include Ban.do founder and CCO Jen Gotch and singer Grace VanderWaal.

According to a recent Teen Vogue article, “cyberbullying can be even nastier than IRL bullying, since people sometimes feel less responsible for their words and less inclined to think before they type.” The article also lists the results of a 2016 study, which states that 34% of people experience cyberbullying at some point in their lives, and that it can have real consequences on one’s mental health.

34% of people experience cyberbullying at some point in their lives.

May explains: “As adults, many of us think that ‘cyberbullying’ is only something that applies to a younger generation, but I often overhear conversations about people judging and commenting about others’ social media profiles. The female community is stronger than ever, yet social media still seems to be a barrier to our positive human interactions.”

So how is #HalfTheStory taking the steps towards solving this issue?

About #HalfTheStory

First, here’s the behind-the-scenes story: When social media strategist/producer/fashion blogger Larissa May, a.k.a. Larz, decided to launch #HalfTheStory, she was a student at Vanderbilt University and juggling her other life as a fashion blogger, covering New York Fashion Week for media outlets. While on her way to interview Diane von Furstenberg, a completely burned-out May face-planted: juggling 17-hour workdays took its toll on her.

But the picture that May’s own hyper-curated social media feed painted was that of a girl who not only had everything together, but was living “THE. DREAM.” After all, May wasn’t posting photos of sleep deprivation, debilitating anxiety and stress-infused selfies. So she decided to invest her full self into #HalfTheStory.

#HalfTheStory celebrates hidden human talents, passions, beliefs, and struggles that connect us on a deeper, more human level.

May continues: “By sharing a part of our identity that is not regularly revealed through social media, we can encourage positive interactions on social media. Social media is a very vulnerable place and has opened another door for bullying, exclusivity and Instagram squads.”

"Social media is a very vulnerable place and has opened another door for bullying."

Tweet this.

But these squads are far from #goals.

“When I first started #HalfTheStory, I was balancing two worlds, as a full-time student at Vanderbilt and the NYFW scene. In both parts of my life, individuals expressed their concerns and dissatisfaction with the ‘disconnect’ that social media created. As female leaders, it’s our job to set the precedent for future generations by encouraging positive behaviors on social media, showing support for others, and preventing negative interactions.”

In addition to what #HalfTheStory is doing on social media, it’s also making an impact IRL, with workshops at Universities and Organizations about positive social media use. It has hosted workshops titled "The Power of Social Storytelling" and “Transcending the Stigma” at Fordham, Vanderbilt, The New School (including Parsons), and Miami Ad School, and the team is heading to University of Southern California this month. These interactive sessions serve to give participants a chance to learn about positive social media behavior and share their experiences with each platform.

Here’s What We Can All Do

Here are some tips to help prevent cyberbullying, or at least combat the effects of it, according to Larissa May:

1. Stand up for what you believe in.

Don’t be afraid to share your truth, despite the smoke and mirrors we tend to create on social media. This is stronger than authenticity; it’s having the courage to share your voice in your posts, without worrying about the likes, dislikes or unfollows. Also, keep in mind that like attracts like; so whoever un-follows you as a result of one of your posts is likely not aligned with your brand message anyhow. “Bye, Felicia.”

2. There’s no such thing as #squadgoals. Stop trying to create the illusion of a social media clique.

Yes, the feeling of inclusion creates a sense of community, but it can also have the reverse effect and make others feel lonely. Don’t feed (or buy) into this type of social engineering and instead create an inclusive, empathetic narrative on your social platforms.

"Create an inclusive, empathetic narrative on your social platforms."

Tweet this.

3. If you see a post that causes concern, give your friend a call rather than making a comment.

If you notice a friend’s post in which they seem sad or troubled, reach out rather than commenting on their social feed. #HalfTheStory’s mission is all about bringing the human touch back into our interactions, rather than being out of touch.

Ed note: We are definitely here for this, especially given the tragic events in Las Vegas. If you see something that concerns you, say something. You never know whose life it will save. 

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Being Interviewed? Here Is the Only Piece of Advice You Need

photo credit: Smith House Photography 

So. It's finally happened. The day has come when an editor or blogger has reached out to YOU because they want to profile you/your business/your brain on their outlet. 

Has the panic set in yet? While there is plenty of advice we could dole out-- be AUTHENTIC ( are you sick of that word yet?), be honest, be prepared, ask for the questions in advance so you can prep, know your audience, know your interviewer and check out their past work-- the list goes on. And while most of that advice matters, we're sharing our top three picks. 

1. Contrary to what you just read-- Don't ask for the questions in advance. 

Does that scare you? It should. Be nervous. Revel in nervous. The best content comes from a place of discomfort. And as such, the best interviews aren't prepared. If you're accepting the interview in the first place, you should have trust that you're in good interviewer hands. But pre-planned answers and media training. You know your work. You need to trust in yourself as well. Actress Zoey Deutch once told us, "I don't know if media trained Zoey is a role I want to play." And asking for questions in advance is just that-- you playing a role. 

2. Do it over the phone or in person. 

Everyone has gotten pretty lazy when it comes to the interview. In part, the email Q&A is the fault of the content churn and burn-- you can't produce multiple in-person interviews per day. Transcription is time consuming. It's much easier to send things via email and have the subject do the work for you. Everyone is guilty of this because there isn't enough time. TIME YOU DEVIL.

But WHEN and IF possible always ask to do it over the phone or in-person. Your responses and your personality will shine through in the piece. That's what you want the public to see. 

And if you're the interviewer, or green to this whole profession and feel more comfortable conducting an interview over email, today's the day: it's time to step out of your comfort zone. That's where the good content is. 

"Today's the day: It's time to get out of your comfort zone."

Tweet this.  

3. Learn how to speak in Tweets. 

Sure, Twitter may have upped the character limit to 280 for some users, (and man, people don't like it) but you still need to talk in Tweets. Call them "sound bites" or "quotables," just don't call them late for dinner! But really, if you want your interview to be shared (which, is the goal for most) you need to make sure that it is sharable. That doesn't mean dumbing down your language. Brevity is the soul of wit. Wit gets Tweeted. Wit gets shared.

When we get nervous we tend to ramble. Rambling lives at the corner of no one is reading and high bounce rate. Don't overthink sounding smart. Sound human. Be human. (Goes back to not asking for questions in advance.) 

Many women we've spoken to are masters at this. Kristen Bell. Sophia Bush. Yvonne Orji.

Examples include:

"Don’t let your feelings of self-worth come from detached clicks."

"Let social media be fun. Don’t let it be important."

"I stand my ground and do my thing as me. I can go toe-to-toe with the next guy."

But they're famous you say. People pay attention to them no matter what. Did you ever think people started paying attention because they knew this was key to mastering the interview? 

Think about it.  

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Bizz What? Jen Gotch Is Dishing All Her Best Business Advice

If you're like us, Jen Gotch's Instgram stories are at the top of your must-watch list. Every. damn. day. The CCO and Founder of the fun-centric Ban.do has built a brand with cult-like following of millennials. #FORBES. While she might not like to admit it, she's pretty D.O.P.E. at this whole business thing. And when she's not making us laugh (and/or cry and/or laugh-cry) on IG stories, she shoots an advice series called Honor Roll answering fan-submitted questions about business-related things + more. 

Watch her spill on spill some solid bizz advice for anyone looking to turn that side-hustle into a full time thing. 

Q: I'M THINKING OF STARTING A BUSINESS. ANY ADVICE?

Q: WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR REACHING POTENTIAL FOLLOWERS WITHOUT A LARGE FOLLOWING?

Q: HOW DO I GET STARTED ON MY OWN BUSINESS WITH LIMITED MONEY?

BONUS. Jen also designed a super soft, short sleeve t-shirt as a little tribute to her advice series and 15% of the proceeds will be donated to writegirl, an la-based creative writing and mentoring organization that promotes creativity, critical thinking and leadership skills to empower teen girls. 

Love these? We'll be sharing more videos starring JG soon. Leave your burning business questions below! 

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The One Skill This Owner Says All Small-Biz Employees Need

Maybe you’re employee #4 at a brand-spankin’-new startup. Or you’ve launched your own thing, made a couple hires (go you!), and are looking to gently coax the most productivity out of your team. Even if you can count the number of employees at your company on one hand, small teams can be mighty.

The small-team dynamic is singular. You’re agile and energized. Communication flows easily. Ideas blossom, are seen to fruition, and are celebrated (or mourned if they fail, which—let’s be real—can happen!). You feel true ownership in the company and its outcome. Not to mention that coworkers frequently become as close as family, easily trading sibling-esque banter that can make work feel like play. But certain things that fly at big companies (like flying under the radar), are a no-go on small teams. Employees’ contributions are obvious, which means pulling your weight and then some, and also learning skills that don’t always align with your background or, frankly, job description (not necessarily a bad thing!).

One woman who knows this better than most is Alice Rossiter, the Boston-based 27-year-old founder of Alice’s Table, a new company that throws chic flower-arranging events in cool venues around the country, and also teaches people how to host their own workshops so they can launch a creative career or side hustle. (And you know we love a side hustle.) They just graduated from Techstars, have thrown events in half of the states in the U.S., have onboarded nearly 100 event Execs, and frequently collaborate with companies like Good Housekeeping and Country Living.

And they have 6 employees.

So we reached out to pick her brain for some advice on how to achieve small-team success.

What are the benefits of a small team?

With a small team communicate is much easier. We’re all on the same page about projects. In fact we all sit in the same room! We all rely on each other's work so much that each person feels accountable to get their job done. Also a small team is great for building strong relationships.

What are some ways an employee on a small team can excel?

Being a team player is key! There are always projects that don’t clearly fall in anyone’s lap so over-performers pick up those balls and run with them. It’s also important for you to be constantly learning. You might not come in knowing anything about Facebook ads, for example, but if your company decides to give them a go, you’ll be willing to figure them out and try to make them as successful as possible.

“I am a true believe that grit is the key to success.”

Tweet this. 

How has your team stepped up in the past?

On a small team it’s inevitable that unexpected tasks will come up. For us it happens every week—that's the nature of an event-focused business! My team has gone above and beyond countless times, from working through customer-care complications on the weekend, to rushing to an event after work to take photos for an exciting press opportunity that we would have otherwise missed. We’ve had to problem-solve flower deliveries going missing in the middle of the country and hurricanes canceling our flower orders. Above all, working for a small company takes agility and passion.

What’s your take on work quality vs speed?

We all have endless task lists—even more so on a small team—so time-management is extremely important. I can be a master procrastinator, so I feel the pain! I encourage my team to set aside time each day to work on tasks that are easy to complete, in addition to dedicating blocks of time to bigger think projects. When you strategically plan out your work, it automatically sets a time limit and typically that focus produces a higher quality result. The best small-team employees don’t labor indefinitely on a single task—they just can’t! There’s not enough time! You have to make sure that ‘great’ doesn’t get in the way of ‘done.’

What’s more important: Talent or motivation?

Motivation, always! The number one skill I always look for is work ethic; someone willing to go the extra mile to find the right answer. Anyone can learn a skill if they have the drive! When I started dreaming about Alice’s Table, I didn’t know much about flowers and now I can whip up a professional arrangement in under five minutes! I am a true believe that grit is the key to success.

Would you recommend that employees learn other parts of the business?

Completely! When I launched Alice’s Table I was CEO (of myself), chief bucket washer, trash collector, customer-care agent—you name it! Understanding each team member's role (and how your roles intersect) usually unlocks ideas for ways you can help each other out.

Should employees push for regular brainstorming sessions?

“I’ve always had the mindset that many heads are better than one. We all bring different perspectives to the table, and those contributions help keep our ideas fresh and propel our business forward. We have multiple strategy sessions as a team each week.”

What is the one skill you’d recommend all small-team employees possess?

“Everyone needs Excel skills! Tracking your data is key and as a small business you usually can’t afford all the fancy tools, but Excel always does the trick!”

On the other hand, what’s one thing that someone on a small team should never do?

Never be afraid to ask questions. For example, we just closed our first round of fundraising. I encouraged everyone to ask questions because it was important to me that everyone on my team knew what was going on, and why we were making certain decisions as a company. We would never grow if we never asked questions, even the silly ones.

“You have to make sure that ‘great’ does not get in the way of ‘done.’”

Tweet this. 

How do soft skills come into play?

As a team of six, we work extremely closely—five feet apart to be exact! Strong communication and interpersonal skills allow our team to challenge each other, but also to take time to celebrate our successes!

Startups are often encouraged to fail fast and pivot, since they usually don’t have the resources to keep a failing idea afloat. When should someone be able to realize that a certain strategy might not be working?

I always tell my team, ‘If something seems to be heading south, speak up!’ We’re all about process-building, but if a process isn’t working and is causing more mental exhaustion than progress, it’s either time to revisit, or move on all together. Since we’re constantly growing and trying out new systems, I try to remain flexible when setting timelines. Our team checks in weekly on a variety of projects to make sure we feel confident in the direction they’re heading. Identifying a roadblock is the most important step to fixing the issue and pushing the business forward!

How do the best small-team members handle failure?

Failures feel like sh*t—it’s just a fact of life. Every startup has good days and bad days (or, as we like to say, good hours and bad hours). On a small team we thrive off of each other’s energy, so, even when faced with a loss, it's important to keep our heads up, reflect, and move forward. I’m also working harder to celebrate our victories (big and small), because taking time to enjoy the wins puts the hard times into perspective. Plus, we all need to pop a little bubbly now and again!

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4 Times Glam App Comes Through in the Clutch

Makeup doesn’t make the girl, the girl makes the makeup. And we hope you know you’re gorgeous through and through-- because. you. are. freaking. gorgeous.

But occasionally, whether for a special occasion or due to lack of time, you need a glam squad to come through on-demand.

In 2015 Cara Santana, alongside close friend and celebrity makeup artist Joey Maalouf to launch the Glam App, available in 22 cities across the country.

Today, with the push of a button, the Glam App delivers beauty experts to your front door. (Or office door.) Offering services that range from a blow dry, to make up applications, to a mani-touchup. Here are five ways the service comes through in the clutch! So you can grab yours and head out the door.

You’re About to Meet the Microsoft CEO

OK. While we realize this isn’t an everyday occurrence, this did happen to us during Create & Cultivate Seattle. And Glam App made sure that we looked the part before going to shake the hand of Satya Nadella. NBD.

Truth is, sometimes biz life throws you a curve ball and you need to be able to act quickly. Instead of freaking out that you don’t have your makeup bag and that your hair is a hot mess, all you have to do is push a button, request a service, and march off like a boss to holler at Satya.

Your Boss Needs You as a Last Minute Plus One

The invites that make their way into your boss’ inbox don’t often make their way to yours. Listen, those RVSPs come with time, but every so often she’ll ask you to be her +1 to an event, even though you might be sitting at your desk feeling like a -2.

Push that glam button. Even if you don’t need makeup or hair services, this would be the perfect time to get a quick mani. With all the hands you’ll be shaking at the party, you want those fingers polished when you’re passing out biz cards.

You Need to Treat Yourself Cause You Got a Raise

We are on-the-go women with very little time to take care of ourselves. But celebrating our accomplishments is vital to our next success. It’s a confidence boost that every self-made woman needs.

If you just got a raise, or are about to get a holiday bonus, you can baby-splurge, get your makeup and hair done and hit the town with your #workwife to celebrate. You deserve it.

Um… It’s About to Be Holiday Party Season

How many invites are too many invites? When it comes to holiday time you have to make some tough decisions about what to RSVP yes to. But you shouldn’t have to make tough decisions about how good you look.

To easily take your look from office to office party, get glam right at your desk while you fire off the final emails of the day. That’s called glam multi-tasking.

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Fight Stage Fright: Five Killer Steps to Speaking on Panel

Photo: Alyssa Dawson

Written by: Michelle Newbery, President of The Mine

I’ve had the opportunity to attend and participate in many panels over my career. The first one I ever attended was the Lowe's Women’s Leadership Summit, an annual event created by Lowe’s to empower women in retail and foster diverse thinking. It was an amazing experience that helped shape my career path at Lowe’s (which owns The Mine), inspired me to pursue my goals, and motivated me to help other women find success. 

As President of The Mine, it was an honor to be asked again to be a panelist for the Create & Cultivate Conference at Microsoft Headquarters in Redmond, Washington. I’m deeply invested in the entrepreneurial pursuits of my fellow women in business, and I take my role in this event very seriously. 

Here’s how I approached preparing for this year’s event:

1. Research the other presenters, and be prepared to get (a little) personal. 

Organic dialogue between panelists always resonates with audiences, and it’s much easier to do if you can quickly and easily establish a genuine rapport with them.  I was once on a panel at the Forrester’s Digital Transformation Event with other Lowe’s execs and we discussed the challenges of balancing speed with quality, and how to find middle ground that helped create The Mine as a very nimble part of the Lowe’s organization.  The audience enjoyed the discussion, but became even more engaged when we framed “finding the middle ground” in a context of the Lowes.com VP’s love of barbecue and my tastes as a vegetarian. We talked about how compromise can lead to creative solutions, much like those we rely on at The Mine. In short, personalizing the story – revealing something about yourself to both the audience and your fellow panelists – can increase engagement across the board. 

2. Know your audience, and know how to connect with them. 

Who attends the event and what are they most interested in? How can you personally relate to them and share your own experiences in a way that will both inspire and help them get further, faster? I remember being at the Time, Inc., Home Summit and how designers there appreciated hearing about how e-commerce can positively impact their business. They also enjoyed learning about how we work with designers like Alexa Hampton; how meaningful those relationships can become.   It’s easy for me to speak from the heart to designers about design, because it’s a passion of mine. But, what if you face an audience with interests that don’t dovetail so well with your own?   It’s important to spend time learning about what you do have in common, so you can be prepared to best resonate with your audience.

3. Create a target list. 

Who’s going to be at this event that you want to meet? You should always start networking before you get there.   It only takes a moment to browse or start following an Instagram or Twitter feed to get familiar with what kinds of things interest the people you want to meet.   If they have written a book or an article, read it.  Mentioning it can make for a pretty irresistible conversation starter.   

4. Make a cheat sheet and fill it with WOW.  

Okay, so it’s not really a cheat sheet, but hopefully it got your attention – because these days fast facts and one-liners have the kind of social “stickiness” that big speeches lost long ago.  Coming prepared with key statistics and talking points you can easily reference will help you show up authentically and build creditability. That’s what I learned at Create & Cultivate New York, an amazing conference to help women literally create and cultivate the careers of their dreams. Those women really knew the power of social media and were ready to use it.  Audiences now have more socialsavvy than ever – they’ll Tweet you before you’re even ready, so keep your cheat sheet and WOW metrics close at hand.  

5. Leave the script at home. 

This is a tough tip to follow, but it’s important. It’s better to be natural, and maybe a little flawed, than to recite canned material like a robot.  Be able to talk spontaneously about your facts, not just recite them.    Preparing you message is important, but whem I’m facing an audience I try to relax and share by ideas more naturally by infusing personal stores and humor were possible.   As a mom of a teenage daughter and tween son, I have a lot of material.   Keep it professional, but keep them guessing. That’s how we can win over our audiences as panelists with presence.

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Cultivating Vuja De Is Great for Good Business

Why do we do things the way that we do them? 

When it comes to business this is an important question to ask. Do we operate on auto-pilot day-to-day? Do we respond to client emails in the similar fashion? Do we ever think outside the box? There is an aspect of work that's monotonous. We find ourselves in situations that are very familiar, moving sluggishly through the day's to-dos.

This is especially true of jobs that require routine. It makes many of us frustrated, bitter, and bored, and eventually less productive than we should be. But watching the clock is no way to go through your day. 

Enter vuja de.  It's the reverse of deja vu, thought up by the late comedian George Carlin who told his audience it is “the strange feeling that, somehow, none of this has ever happened before,” even though it has in fact, happened many times over. 

It's a feeling where all of the sudden you can look at a Groundhog day, month, year, and see it with fresh eyes. It's how the comedian went through most of his life able to come up with fresh material. And it's something that can be wildly helpful when you're stuck in a professional rut. 

Here are four tips for cultivating VUJA DE. 

THINK I'LL GO FOR A WALK OUTSIDE. NOW.

(go right now.) 

New ideas and insights often come from looking at a similar situation in a different light. That one project you've been working on that isn't quite working, take a walk. You may be looking at the exact same buildings, people, cars, coffee shops surrounding your office, but brain imaging has shown that after just 20 minutes of walking your brain LIGHTS UP, releasing a protein called  BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor). What BDNF has the ability to do is repair the memory neurons in your brain-- effectively acting as a reset switch. So when you head back into the office or that drab cubicle, you can look at the exact same problem with a new eye. 

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS IN THE BACKGROUND

What are you focussing on? Maybe you look at a computer screen all day. Or perhaps there's a photo on your desk that's your go-to for zoning out. (JK we know you scroll Insta at work.) But what are you really looking at? We don't only continuously scroll our tech, we've started applying that practice to work. It's time to get your thumb off the screen and your finger on the pulse. 

If you heighten your senses to pay attention to "background" noise (for those who do yoga you've probably experienced this sensation during Shavasana) you will bring new ideas to the forefront. It seems silly, but if you're having a hard time doing this, squint. 

 "It's time to get your thumb off the screen and your finger on the pulse." 

Tweet this. 

WHAT IS THE INTENTION BEHIND WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

This is something that Beyond the Mag founder Sophia Macks brought up at Create & Cultivate Dallas. There is a lot of repetition in the blogging world: cupcakes, macaroon, ice cream cones against brick walls.. it gets old. But when you set an intention behind what you're doing you can make something very similar feel and look brand new. But you have to work on cultivating the meaning behind the idea. Are you posting a shot of cupcakes because that's what's hot? Give it meaning and you will give it staying power.  

SHIFT SOMETHING SMALL BUT SIGNIFICANT 

Setting schedules and being organized can prove immeasurably useful when you're a busy person. But if you have every moment of your life and work penciled in, something autopilot kicks in and you fall asleep at the wheel. However, here's the good news: you can erase pencil. If you have a team meeting every Monday at 10AM and ideas are starting to feel stale or your team isn't bringing the best to table, change the time of the meeting. The setting is still the same, the people are still the same, but this tiny shift can actually cause a shift in thinking. A different time of day will produce different ideas. If you always have your meetings in a conference room, try meeting in the kitchen, or on the rooftop garden. A very simple switch can prove significant. 

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, EAVESDROP 

Info is there. Ideas are too. It's all around you, often coming out of the mouth of a stranger. And though we've been told it's rude to listen in on others' conversations, you're not doing it for gossip's sake-- you're doing it because a simple word or turn of phrase can legit change how you interact with your world and your work. 

Arianna Schioldager is Create & Cultivate's editorial director. You can find her on IG @ariannawrotethis and more about her at www.ariannawrotethis.com

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How This Wedding Company Is Defying Tech Industry Norms

Weddings and tech. It's the perfect union. From simplifying the wedding process to making the entire process more productive, it's easy to say "I do," to the concept. Plus, tech nerds should get excited as VR makes its way into the planning process. (More on that below.) 

For all other needs, wedding planning starts here, with WeddingWire. So does progress in the workplace. Ranked as one of Washington's Best Places to Work, find out why this company is solving problems for couples as well as their own employees. 

Let’s start simple! Weddings and tech. How do the two work together? 

Consumers have had online resources for many things over the years. You could plan a vacation, decorate a house, find a doctor, or order a car to pick you up with just a few clicks, but people had difficulty planning and finding wedding vendors online. WeddingWire, the leading global online destination for couples looking to get things done throughout their wedding planning process, creates and leverages technology to support the way couples experience all other things in their daily lives. This use of technology meets couples and wedding vendors where they are online, making wedding planning a more streamlined, convenient and productive process. 

How has WeddingWire simplified the process of getting married?

Whether couples choose to tackle their wedding planning tasks on their desktop or on their mobile device, WeddingWire provides the most in-depth information (including a database of over 200,000 vendors and 3 million consumer reviews), inspiration and planning tools, to help them make choices and feel confident in their selections. WeddingWire’s various educational resources, like the wedding date guide, provide valuable information and education to couples to help them be more informed when reaching out to vendors, and features such as WeddingWire’s customizable wedding geo-filters, allow couples to personalize their big day in a fun and convenient way. 

It feels natural to take the wedding process online. What are some of your best tips and solutions for engaged couples?

Set your budget: Couples tend to underestimate how much they’ll spend on their wedding by about 40 percent, so it’s important for couples (and anyone else contributing to the wedding) to discuss and set a budget early on. WeddingWire’s budget tool helps couples organize all their costs, planned and unexpected. Need more information on what to expect? Check out the WeddingWire Budget Guide. 

Do your research: Do your homework to ensure you work with vendors that fit your budget and understand your vision. WeddingWire allows couples to search, compare and book from an extensive database of over 200,000 vendors. Plus with over 3 million reviews available from recent newlyweds, couples can feel confident and empowered to make the best choice when it comes to selecting their wedding vendors. 

Enjoy the planning process: Be sure to celebrate your #JustSaidYes moment and take some time to enjoy being engaged to your partner. Browse WeddingWire for inspiration, involve friends and family, and have fun with the experience!

The tech space is predominantly male. Some people say it’s a pipeline problem. And yet 40% of WeddingWire’s product development team is women (when the average is 18%). Why was hiring a female team important to WeddingWire? 

WeddingWire’s primary goal is to hire the best talent. The best talent are those that bring a diverse group of thought to the company. Without diversity, you are not looking at business problems from all perspectives and therefore, unable to provide the best experience for all users. Women are a huge part of that diversity in thought and we are committed to ensuring they have an equal voice at the table, as well as equal leadership opportunities within the organization. 

"Without diversity, you are not looking at business problems from all perspectives."

Tweet this. 

Additionally, while we are a tech company focused on the wedding planning process, we organically attract diversity across all genders not just women. WeddingWire defies gender generalizations even when the wedding industry is typically thought to be female-dominated: founded by four non-white men, 40% of our product development team is female (vs the average of 18%).

How did you go about finding the talent?

Referrals from current employees are one of WeddingWire’s most valued recruiting methods. The WeddingWire team is deeply proud, committed and motivated and their recommendation for personal and professional contacts to join our team, is the greatest way to find the best talent. Additionally, the strength of WeddingWire’s talent brand supports our hiring efforts. With its unique employee experience and regularly ranked as one of Washington’s Best Places to Work, WeddingWire is able to recruit competitively for top talent. (Interested in applying, learn more at https://www.weddingwire.com/corp/careers!) 

What are your thoughts on the “pipeline” issue?

WeddingWire is proud of the diversity in its application volume which enables us to hire the best talent for the roles across the product and tech organizations. We have seen a notable increase in the interest of all individuals to secure positions in the tech industry; however, we would love to see more early education in technology. We know this would only continue to further roles in the tech industry as a career option for young women! 

How else does WeddingWire support women in tech?

WeddingWire’s culture is about overall inclusivity. Not just for women, but for everyone.  We promote a culture of flexibility for all employees. This can be highlighted specifically with working parents as they transition back to work after parental leave. Additionally, coaching is an essential part of WeddingWire’s leadership programs. Through the Manager’s Certification and Leadership Development Programs, WeddingWire is dedicated and encourages mentorship. 

What have you seen in tech world that excites? Both for your own platform and for women developers? 

Sara Zalowitz, VP of Product Management, is very excited by the advancements in 3D videos and Virtual Reality. These technologies open a whole new world for how users consume content, and it is particularly exciting in the Wedding Industry as it allows for couples to truly see how a venue looks before reaching out. It can be a true game-changer. 

Photo credit: WeddingWire Instagram

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Matte Matters: The Four Times This Moisturizer Will Save Your Face

How much time do you spend getting ready in the AM? An hour? Five minutes? Whether you clock 60 seconds or 60 minutes in front of your bathroom mirror, every on-the-go working woman could use something to keep her skin fresh from day to date. Or day to drinks with a potential client. Or when she’s simply in a rush, because that’s the world we live in.

Like we always do, we’ve got a simple solution.

And we’ve rounded up four totally normal day-to-day situations where Origins new deliciously hydrating Original Skin Matte Moisturizer will save you.

#1 Your alarm fails to go off.

It happens to the best of us. You set your AM alarm for plenty of prep time before a big meeting. But something happens (whether you hit snooze, or phone dies, or simply tech fails you) and you wake up with stressful serious time crunch. All you need to do is splash a little water on your face, brush your teeth, and smooth on this unique moisturizer for skin that looks as good naked as it does glam’d up.

It’s an innovative pink water cream that hydrates while absorbing excess oil in a flash.

And flash-forward, you’re on your way, miraculously on time, and looking like a fresh-faced babe.

#2 You’ve got drinks after work with a potential client, but are heading straight from a meeting.

Given that the moisturizer is matte and helps prime for makeup, it’s perfect for situations like this. First, it moisturizes your face during the day, which means it’s ready for you to throw on some makeup before your meet up.

You don’t have to worry about getting oily during the day because of the pink water cream.

#3 You’ve stayed up super late working on a presentation, but don’t want to look tired when you present.

You’re in luck. The matte’s main ingredients are exactly what your skin needs. You’ve done the work prep, so let them do your face prep.

Canadian Willowherb: found in Northern Canadian prairies, helps delete dullness and restore skin’s ideal glow.

Pink Rock Rose: grown in the Mediterranean and traditionally used in herbal medicine, helps to keep skin looking healthy and glowing with its calming and soothing capabilities.

Persian Silk Tree: native to SouthEast Asia, is known to have stress-relieving properties and is called the Tree of Happiness because of its calming herbal properties.

#4 You have a date. But a boss who is not about you leaving the office early. (Like most bosses, let’s be real.)

Enough said. Not only does the matte moisturizer easily take you from day to night, but if you are thinking of getting up close and personal, the Willowherb and Pink Rock Rose act as an instant glow-booster that brightens skin and shrinks pores.

So get close. Get personal. And feel great about your skin.

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Your Next Great Trip Is a Microadventure

Article by Anna Meyer. Your Next Great Trip Is a Microadventure originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.

As our car winds through the Kansas country, I watch as paved roads turn to gravel and buildings grow far and few between. I play a John Denver album over the speakers as my boyfriend and I make our way to Iatan, Missouri. It’s a town that you’ve most likely never heard of, unless you’re one of the 41 people that live there.

But this small town became my travel destination this week. It was only an hour drive from home, and it just so happened to be in the path of totality for Monday’s total solar eclipse.

We traveled in a caravan with friends, and we all shared the same excitement about the eclipse outing—a once-in-a-lifetime event coincidentally happening right near us. The trip was a way to detach from our everyday routines and go exploring. The best part? All it cost us was a fourth of a tank of gas and an afternoon away. It was truly the perfect microadventure.

Say Yes to New Microadventures

The word “adventure” tends to be associated with thousand-dollar plane tickets or a week-long trip to the hottest new destination. The truth: That's not always doable. Taking time off—whether paid or unpaid—isn't an option for many, and neither is a significant "travel fund." Thankfully, “adventures” come in all sizes—including micro.

Microadventures are short, simple, and cheap or free trips to somewhere or something new. And these mini explorations pack the same mental benefits as pricey adventures.

Research shows that traveling to new places—even if it’s just a short trip—can increase our well-being. One study showed that traveling helps us get out of our comfort zone, which can strengthen how emotionally open we are to changes as well as lead to greater emotional stability in our day-to-day lives. Other studies have also shown that travel can give us a creative boost and help relieve stress.

Microadventures are short, simple, and cheap or free trips to somewhere or something new.

We’d all like to receive the benefits of vacation, and we can make it more accessible by finding adventures around us. Here are four tips to help you plan the ultimate microadventure, like my jaunt to see the eclipse:

1. Plan in Advance

Though there's something to be said for spontaneous trips, planning a small outing or upcoming activity gives us something to look forward—and that can boost our mood.

A Cornell University study showed that “people derive more happiness from the anticipation of experiential purchases,” aka experiences, rather than physical goods. People also are happiest when they’re anticipating an upcoming trip, according to a study from the University of Surrey.

Tap into these benefits by planning your microadventure in advance, as you would a bigger adventure. One example: If you’re planning a picnic with friends in a nearby park, share recipe ideas with each other before choosing what to prepare for the big day.

2. Don’t Rule Out Your Hometown

Make a microadventure in your hometown by simply traveling somewhere you haven’t been before. Think like a tourist and check out nearby attractions you’ve yet to see. You can visit the Trip Advisor page for your town and check out the "Things to Do" tab to get ideas. If you’re without a car, try taking public transportation to a new stop and explore the area.

Make a microadventure in your hometown by simply traveling somewhere you haven’t been before.

If you can’t leave the house, don’t fret: Real Simple offers some ideas around staycations. Bring a vacation to you by cooking a traditional meal from a different region of the world. Or, create your own Netflix "film festival" with your dream line-up.

3. Tune In to the Present

Another benefit of a micro-adventure: It can briefly take us away from our day-to-day stressors, giving our minds a chance to reset. Seeing new people and places and having new experiences can shake us out of our typical routine.

If possible, try to distance yourself from normal stressors when you're on your microadventure. It might be as easy as putting your phone on airplane mode.

Disconnecting made my eclipse adventure even more special. As we drove north from our homes in Lawrence, Kansas, away from all the traffic and noise, the white cell service dots disappeared from my smart phone’s screen, one by one, until I had no data connection available. Spotify couldn’t reach my phone anymore, and the John Denver tunes paused, making me listen to nothing but our wheels crunch over the gravel.

Other than that, there was silence. My email inbox wasn’t pinging, I couldn’t read the latest political news, and I had escaped the smartphone loop that’s one of my personal biggest stressors. It felt amazing.

4. Get Your Friends On Board

Adventures can help strengthen your relationships with loved ones. Vacations are a way “to improve communications within a relationship, reduce the possibility of divorce, strengthen lifelong family bonds, and increase a sense of well-being in adults and children,” according to research out of Texas A&M University. And when we take in something new and awe-inspiring with others, studies show it can make us feel closer and more connected.

Take advantage of these benefits by inviting family and friends to come along on your microadventure.

I’ll never forget watching the solar eclipse with my friends: As we waited for the eclipse to start, we kicked soccer balls alongside corn fields and river marshes as rain sprinkled from the sky. We laughed at our ridiculous solar glasses and passed around a leopard-print hat to top it off for a complete look.

As the moon moved in front of the sun and the entire sky turned dark a bit past 1 p.m., my friends and I stood next to each other and looked up in awe. The phenomenon had flocks of birds flying around in an apocalyptic manner. It was a truly amazing scene.

When it was over, we all piled back into our cars and drove back home. Our microadventure wasn’t hard to make happen, but I returned home feeling just as relieved and recharged as I have after other "big" trips. I never would’ve thought that traveling to a tiny Missouri town would turn into one of my favorite summer adventures.

About Shine:

Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.

Follow Shine on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook: @ShineText

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We’re Sharing Our Best Advice: How to Keep Calm During Stressful Situations.

Picture this: you’ve got the biggest presentation of your career. Or your career icon has agreed to a meeting and you get to pitch them your big idea. What?! (Yes, it happens. See: Whitney Wolfe meeting Tim Cook last week.) OR maybe it’s the first time you’re going to stand up in front of your colleagues at your new job.

No matter your professional stage, nerves happen. And when nerves happen, so does sweat (stress sweat actually smells worse than exercise or heat sweat!). Since your pits should be the last thing on your mind during stressful situations, we’re rounding up the best ways to keep your cool, your calm, and your armpits fresh.  

MEMORIZE TO FORGET 

One of the best pieces of advice we ever received was to memorize the info so you can forget the script. If that sounds like conflicting advice, you’re not wrong. But it still works. 

Here’s the gist: know your info inside and out. No matter what, you need to prepare and then prepare again. But you should know the info so well, that you can go OFF script. It’s info so deeply embedded in your brain that you don’t have to think about it. That way, when someone interrupts or asks you a question, you’re not knocked off your A-game. 

 DON’T BE LATE, BUT DON’T BE TOO EARLY

Time is a double-edge sword. If you’re rushing about and running late, you’re going to start the moment on a stressful note. However, if you show up too early, you might spend that time twiddling your thumbs and stressing over last-minute details. 

Give yourself a 15-minute buffer. It’s just the right amount of time. Not too late, not too early— but rather, the right amount of time to chat with co-worker, hit the bathroom for a last minute mirror pep talk, and walk into the room with your shoulders back and held high. 

EXERCISE THE MORNING OF 

Fast Company reports that, “the positive stress of exercise prepares cells and structures and pathways within the brain so that they’re more equipped to handle stress in other forms.” Hit up an AM yoga class, dance it out, or pound the pavement with some new Taylor Swift in your headphones. 

When you release serotonin, you boost both your confidence and happiness, which will fill you with those positive vibes you want pre-presentation. Jogging > jitters. Remember that. 

But don’t sweat it out, without doing this first: 

SPRAY-N-GO 

Secret has been keeping women calm in stressful situations for 60 years. The first antiperspirant brand designed specifically for women, Secret has been on the forefront of women’s lives, leading with innovation designed to provide superior odor and wetness protection. Their new Invisible Spray has four scent offerings with proprietary sweat-activated technology to keep you feeling fresh. It also offers patented Fade Resistant Scent Technology to combat nose-blindness. 

Perfect for an on-the-go application that allows hustling entrepreneurs to freshen up with ease, no matter the circumstance. It may be invisible, but your confidence will be on full display.  

So in this case: Spray it before you say it. Your presentation will thank you. 

This post was sponsored by Secret Deodorant. 

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Talk to You: The Benefits of Talking to Yourself in Third Person

The official name of someone who refers to herself in third person is an illeist. Most famous illeists are men. The Rock. Bob Dole. Elmo. Which is  definitely cute. Case in point: Little kids do it all the time. “Andy wants a cookie.” “Maya wants to watch TV.” And little kids, as some of you know, are the best negotiators. They win all the time. 

So why don’t women do it? Ellen Degeneres makes a pretty hilarious a case against illeism here. 

But there is a difference between talking to yourself in third person in FRONT of other people (which, granted, is super annoying) and talking to yourself about yourself. 

In fact, it can help you gain a psychological edge. Here’s how: 

IT CAN RELIEVE STRESS

During difficult situations, talking to yourself in third person can actually help calm you down. 

According to a recent study published in the journal Scientific Reports, talking about yourself to yourself is a way to make that internal monologue useful. 

The study explains, “Although people frequently engage in such ‘self-talk,’ recent findings indicate that the language they use to refer to the self when they engage in this process influences self-control. Specifically, using one’s own name to refer to the self during introspection, rather than the first-person pronoun ‘I,’ increases peoples’ ability to control their thoughts, feelings, and behavior under stress.” 

Check out the science of it all here. 

SELF-DISTANCING CAN BE USEFUL WHEN YOU’RE IN A TRICKY WORK SITCH

Let’s say you’re about to explode on your co-worker. You’re stuck in your office and you have no one to talk to. The psychological strategy called “self-distancing” is known to help us better control our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Instead of lashing out and doing damage to your career, you take a step back, and therefore hopefully, a step forward. 

Getting frustrated in the workplace is incredibly common. Reports have found that only 16 percent of workers feel connected and engaged. Low engagement leads to high frustration and workplace unhappiness. 

"Talking to yourself in third person as the verbal equivalent of taking a walk."

Tweet this.

Think of talking to yourself in third person as the verbal equivalent of taking a walk, when a walk around the block isn’t possible. 

REDUCED ANXIETY=REDUCED ANXIETY. NEED MORE?

Those pep talks you give yourself in the morning? Do it in third person, with either your own name or a pronoun like “you,” “he/she.” 

Or do it before you're about to step into a big presentation to calm your jitters. Practice and see what happens to your nerves when you make the switch. 

Think:

"I can do this. I know this material and I'm ready to go in and show them." 

vs. 

"You can do this. You know this material and you're ready to go in and show them." 

In the third person example you become your best friend. The person who is there to cheer you on. When you can't believe in yourself, let third person you do it for you. And it's not only the Rock and Bob Dole who've practiced this art. Famous male athletes do it all the time. And while we don't suggest taking it as far as LeBron James (another famoua illeist) or Pele ("Nobody did what Pele did. Being champion of the world at 17 years old, won three World Cups, scored more than 1,208 goals - only him!" said Pele of Pele. "Then until now, nobody did this... to me, Pele is the best.") there is something to be said of the confidence this takes. 

We are typically better at pumping up others and relieving their anxiety. So ladies, let's agree, it's not just for men and puppets. It's time we turn the pump up third person self-talk on ourselves.  

Arianna would love for this to happen. 

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You're Not Following This One Rule & It's Costing You the Job

photo credit: The Jungalow 

You have a great resume and you’ve applied to multiple jobs, but haven’t gotten a response. What’s the problem? It might be that you’re not following this one simple rule. You might not be following the directions on the job application. It sounds so obvious and so simple, but it’s far easier to mess up than you might think.

Don’t be an overachiever

Career Builder estimates that 44% of millennials ages 25-34 have a side hustle and take on multiple roles at once. You might be one of those who constantly strives to do more and put your best foot forward, but this is not the place to do it. When a job application asks for a specific set of documents or portfolio pieces, provide exactly what is asked and nothing more.

It sounds tempting to go above and beyond what is asked of you, but what this really does is create more work for those on the other end. With an average of 250 applicants per job application, (one Google recruiter estimated that the company receives around three million resumes annually) recruiters and hiring managers already have enough information to sift through. Adding just one more document or piece of information exponentially adds to their workload, which won’t necessarily work in your favor. Instead of including additional information or sample work, try to include the most pertinent information that effectively highlights your achievements in the least amount of space.

Provide the right information

If the job application asks you to discuss a specific detail or why you would be great at a specific role, make sure that you actually discuss that information. It’s easy to get side tracked and talk about other details or qualifications, but it’s crucial to follow the directions and include the information specifically noted in the job description.

For instance, if a job description asks you to show how you will help the company build on industry trends and lead the team in customer satisfaction, highlight your achievements that reflect your ability to do this. Discuss times when you used innovative tactics to excel in customer service. The more specific and relatable information you can provide, the better.

For best results, create SOAR stories that directly relate to the information or qualifications requested in the job description. This will help you get noticed, and will also help prepare you for a potential interview.

Read everything thoroughly

"We are continuously anticipating what we will see, hear or feel next," Dr. Lars Muckli, a researcher at the University of Glasgow's Institute of Neuroscience and Psychology told Phys.org. This is why it’s so easy to miss something crucial when reading a job description. We often anticipate and make assumptions about what is being asked of us instead of actually looking at the text. Every single job application is different, and it’s important to remember that there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to your resume. Make sure you read the job description and application thoroughly and make note of specific requirements, requests, or directions. 

Highlighting key words or phrases throughout the job description is a great way to ensure that you’re including exactly what is being asked of you, and it will also help you create a more customized resume. By noting the specifics of the job description, you will be able to integrate these into your resume and cover letter to create a more effective and searchable document. 

____________

It’s easy to feel like more is better, but when it comes to applying for jobs, it’s not. If you’re not following the directions and reading the specifications of the job application, you may be costing yourself the role. Do your homework, send in exactly what is asked of you, and create a concise document that highlights exactly how amazing you are. It’s better to give one example of a time you achieved greatness, than to drone on about multiple vague experiences.

A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.

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The 1 Question That Helps Me Combat Negative Thinking

The 1 Question That Helps Me Combat Negative Thinking, originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.

I like to think I'm an unofficial expert on negative thinking. It's not unusual for me to start and finish the day ruminating on something that could go wrong—but most likely won't. And I typically take my lunch with a side of worry, too.

I'm far from alone in experiencing negative thoughts: The average person has 60,000 thoughts per day, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Of those thoughts: 95 percent repeat each day, and, on average, 80 percent of repeated thoughts are negative.

I've tried numerous tactics to cut the negativity, including but not limited to: Shouting "STOP" in my head when a negative thought appears, softly singing "Oops!…I Did It Again" to drown out the thoughts (thanks, BritBrit!), writing down all my negative thoughts to see my irrational thinking, and meditating.

Today, thanks to a variety of tactics and professional help, I've learned to better manage my anxiety. But that doesn't mean I'm "negative thought-free." I'm still human—so I'm always on the lookout for new strategies to check my negativity. Recently, I found an easy trick that's helped. It doesn't involve a 10-minute meditation or setting aside time to journal—all it involves is asking yourself one simple question: "Is this useful?"

You control which thoughts matter

I learned about this mindfulness hack from popular self-help blogger Eric Barker, who runs the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree. In a recent post about emotional strength, Barker explains that we can't control which thoughts "bounce around" in our mind. What we can control: the thoughts we focus on. "You’re the thing that decides which thoughts are useful and should be taken seriously," he writes. And he shared a perfect analogy to better explain this:

"You’re not your brain; you’re the CEO of your brain. You can’t control everything that goes on in 'Mind, Inc.' But you can decide which projects get funded with your attention and action." - Eric Barker

Ask yourself: 'Is this useful?'

So, how do you decide which "projects" get funded? Barker says to ask yourself, "Is this useful?" It's a tactic Barker learned from Joseph Goldstein, a Buddhist mindfulness expert. It's designed to help you assess if a thought is serving you or others—or if it's just irrational.

"If the worry is reasonable, do something about it," Barker writes. "If it’s irrational or out of your control, recognize that. Neuroscience shows that merely making a decision like this can reduce worry and anxiety."

This past week, I decided to put the strategy to the test. When negative thoughts (unsurprisingly) popped into my head, I challenged them with a peaceful, "Is this useful?" Pausing to ask that question did a few things: First, it forced me to climb out of my thoughts and see them from a new perspective. I became CEO of Haley's Mind, Inc. My mission: To make sure thoughts bettered the company. Adopting that point of view made me more curious than concerned about what went on in my head.

"Make your thoughts work for you, not against you."

Tweet this.  

Second, asking "Is this useful?" made me more intentional when I challenged my thoughts. Unlike desperately shouting at my thoughts to "STOP", I calmly faced them head-on and assessed them. I quickly decided if the thoughts served me, and I let those that didn't fall to the wayside.

I started viewing my thoughts like a Tinder scenario: I swiped left for those that didn't prove beneficial to me, and right for those that I could actually act on. I was making my thoughts work for me, not against me—and it felt good.

Take back your power

I'm definitely sticking with the "Is this useful?" tactic—and I'd recommend people with negative thoughts give it a try. But one thing I've learned as a "negative thought expert": What works for one person might not work for everyone. Mindfulness, journaling, a classic early 2000s jam—there are lots of ways to combat negative thinking. It's all about what works best for you.

However you manage your Mind, Inc., just know that you are in charge. And any unfriendly "employees"—a.k.a. negative thoughts—are yours to dismiss.

About Shine:

Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.

Follow Shine on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook: @ShineText

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Meet the Latinas in STEM Inspiring the Next Generation

Jazlyn Carvajal, Diana Albarrán Chicas, Cecilia Fernández, Kimberly Gonzales, Joanna Gonzalez, Desiree Lassiter, Maribel Mendoza, and Nidia Trejo make up the Latinas in STEM Board of Directors, an organization founded by 5 MIT alumnae looking to formalize the service work they were doing in their respective communities. 

The founders of the organization are all first generation American women who have been the first in their families to attend college. They have careers in industry with a long track record of community service. The current board consists of professional Latina women who are interested in providing Latinas with mentorship, resources, and access to careers in STEM.

The stats around women in STEM aren’t great. And the barriers to entry for women of color are compounded. A lack of role models, lagging outreach, and overall limited parental awareness, leads to dismal numbers. So you’ve heard. 

But with organizations like Latinas in STEM, founded in 2013, there is hope. And not only on the horizon. 

Their goals include: inspiring young women to consider STEM careers, increasing the number of Latina women pursuing STEM careers, and creating a network that enables women in STEM to survive. Their programs include K-12 student and parent outreach, college student support, and professional development that enables their network to grow and reach more students. 

It’s vital work that serves the community and world. 

More from the Board of Directors below. 

What is the most important step you took to get here?

The most important step was starting a dialogue among friends about the need in our communities and our desires to help our communities in a more formal matter. It was a simple Facebook group message sent among friends that eventually led to the formal organization of Latinas in STEM. 

What are some challenges you’ve encountered along the way?

There have been many challenges for us as a group. To begin, the group is currently completely volunteer run, meaning that we all have day jobs as STEM professionals. As such, one of the challenges has been carving sufficient time to help our organization progress along the way. Luckily, we have had a lot of support from our networks and other organizations who have similar goals. 

What keeps you going?

Knowing that we can encourage Latinas whose shoes we were once in -- to do well in math and science subjects, get good grades to enter college, and follow a career path of their dreams. 

Who are the people you consider your mentors or influences and why? 

Our first mentors and influences for many of us were our families. We have all had various mentors throughout our careers including each other. 

What is the best piece of "real talk" advice you've received? 

Stay humble. Know that your career path and your goals may change over time, but stay true to yourself along the way. 

What is your favorite life advice?

One of the greatest things we can have as women is education. Our knowledge and opinions are valuable to share with the world to help make it better. 

Is there a time in your lives when you've thought, 'I can't do this anymore?'

We’ve all overcome a lot of adversity in our lives. We move forward and make opportunities by being proactive. 

What’s next? What are the five year goals?

Next, we plan to expand the organization, and hire full-time administrators to help us continue the work that we are doing. As we mentioned, currently we are 100% volunteer run, but we want to expand our work by reaching out to more people nationwide. We need more woman power, and so we hope to formalize the group even more. 

What is a habit or routine you swear by?

Share your big goals with others- it makes you accountable and also may open new doors. 

"Share your big goals with others- it makes you accountable."

Tweet this. 

How have your relationships to your careers changed in the last five years?

Embracing the idea that mentoring the next generation of STEM experts outside of our individual, professional work is an important part of our career journeys. 

How have your personal relationships changed in the last five years? 

We encourage one another to embrace failures and share these stories with our Latina members. It’s important for our members to know about our successes as Latinas in STEM, and it is equally important to tell our stories of roadblocks and lessons learned. Although it can be difficult to think back on difficult situations, our stories can be what inspires our members to continue pursuing and thriving in STEM fields. 

What does female empowerment mean to you?

It means supporting and mentoring one another to achieve our goals. It means being critical of each other in a way that helps build other women up, and not tear them down. It means helping other women achieve their dreams. 

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Exclusive Giveaway: Your Last Minute Chance to Head to Create & Cultivate Seattle

If you’ve ever wondered how it’s possible to walk into a room of strangers and nail networking, we’ve got you covered. We do it all the time at conferences! Walking up to strangers can be intimating but we’ve got some tips on how to make it work. And look, sometimes it is painfully awkward. But channel your inner Issa Rae and let it get a little bit awkward, it might make the interaction all the more memorable. 

Nail down your pitch.

When you’re in a room with 500 other women, be it at the conference or even at our Express happy hour before our keynote speakers, you’re going to have to nail that pitch! Know what you’re all about. So make it concise and straight to the point. No beating around the bush and no overtly selling yourself. BS tends to reek in a crowded environment.

Don’t give out your cards, swap ‘em

Why give when you can trade? You should always make sure to swap when you can. Sometimes the old “I don’t have any cards on me” is true, sometimes it’s false. It’s easy to read if someone wants to continue the relationship, but being a little bit forward in this situation can’t hurt. If the other people doesn’t have a card, offer to send a text or email right there. Even though some people cringe a bit when you say, “I’ll send you an email right now,” it’s the best way to get into someone’s inbox. At that point, you’ve done your work. 

Practice, practice, practice. 

It makes perfect. 

If you’re feeling antsy thinking about what you should say to start a conversation with someone, practice with your friends and see how you can nail down the starting a conversation with a stranger. From the approach, to how you introduce yourself, to what you talk about, make sure you can simulate the an entire conversation with a stranger via your friend. Come in ready with a game plan and see that networking anxiety go away.

Don’t be an attention seeker.

Engage with a crowd, but you don't need to be the center of attention. It’s easy to fall into the hole of talking about yourself and letting people know about all the things you do in a networking setting. But take a look back and think about the last person who wouldn’t stop rambling about themselves.

Exactly. Don’t be that person.

Wear it and work it. 

Wear your confidence and work your outfit. If you’re not feeling up to hot stuff because you’re heading to an event after a long day at the office, throw on a statement earring and a little lipgloss (both goodies Express is giving away to C&C Seattle attendees in the gift bag!) and walk through the front door with a smile. 

And most importantly.... Show UP!

Maybe the hardest part of networking is finding the right opportunities & showing up! Easier said than done when you’re slammed with work… That’s why Express is sending one lucky winner + a boss friend to Create & Cultivate Seattle! As the official Happy Hour sponsor, they’re not only hooking you up with tickets, travel + stay, but also the wardrobe to keep you looking fly while you work your new connections. 

WIN #CREATECULTIVATESEA TIX on the @Express Insgram Post HERE 

Here's how to enter: 

1. Follow @Express and @CreateCultivate on Insta. 
2. Tag a woman who inspires you in the comments of this instagram post.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. SWEEPSTAKES BEGINS AT 10:00 AM ET ON AUGUST 18, 2017 AND ENDS AT 11:59 PM ET ON AUGUST 20, 2017. LEGAL RESIDENTS OF U.S., PUERTO RICO, 18+, VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. SEE OFFICIAL RULES: http://bit.ly/2fNUQZs

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Don't Miss This! Seattle-Based The Mine Shares Local Favorites

Create & Cultivate is heading to Seattle for our final conference of the year. So we checked in with Seattle-based company, The Mine, to get the scoop on their must-pop-by places. Their goods are featured in multiple spots around the Emerald city, so they would know. 

If you are visiting for the conference, check out these local favorites and look around for the #minefinds!  

MATTHEWS WINERY

Location: 16116 140th Pl NE, Woodinville, WA 98072

photo credit: Matthews Winery Instagram

You might say coffee, but we say first stop, wine tasting! One of our favorite Seattle-area wineries to visit in the afternoon is Matthews in Woodinville. As a family-owned winery, their wine comes from the far away vines of Bordeaux and local Washington grapes. There isn’t an occasion Matthews can’t cater to with their wide range of venues and wine. 

Not only is the wine delectable, but the rustic atmosphere makes you want to stay all day. We’re not sure if it’s the twinkly chandelier, wood barrels, or the classic bar stools, but we’re obsessed with the quaint, romantic ambience of this Woodinville winery. We love the simple elegance that the dark-stained wood gives throughout the space! The design consequently matches Matthews chic wine bottle and organic charcuterie plate. 

After you are done wine tasting, make sure to properly store your purchased bottles in one of these handy racks. Open daily for tastings, we highly recommend taking the 20 minute drive to Woodinville from Seattle for a visit! 

THE LONDON PLANE & LITTLE LONDON PLANE

Location: 300 & 322 Occidental Ave. S, Seattle, WA 98104

Photo credit: The London Plane Instagram

Refuel after wine tasting at a charming dinner spot steps away from downtown Seattle! A local favorite, The London Plane features not only a rustic, modern-country cafe, but a specialty-foods grocery, bakery, and florist all in one stylish space. Who knew convenience could be so stylish? 

Just around the corner, The Little London Plane differs in size and purpose. Mostly used for events, the quaint eatery hosts private gatherings featuring in-house catering. Both venues feature sustainably sourced food inspired by European traditions while retaining the Pacific Northwest’s identity. 

It’s no surprise that these airy modern spaces inspire visitors again and again. Our favorite pieces from The London Plane are the wishbone dining chairs, branch-inspired chandelier, gold pendant light, and mini candles. Whether you’re meeting friends for a quiet dinner or studying for your next exam, The London Plane is the perfect place for any kind of intimate gathering. The versatility of purpose is reflected in the relaxed-yet-refined design, courtesy of The Mine. Wandering into either of these dining spots will give you a local taste of Seattle and rustic design inspo destined to leave a lasting impression. 

MOLLY MOON’S ICE CREAM

Locations:  Wallingford | U-Village | Capitol Hill | Redmond | Madrona | Columbia City| Queen Anne | 19th/Mercer

Photo credit: Molly Moon’s website and Instagram 

Make sure to leave some room for ice cream! The last stop you have to check out is Molly Moon's Homemade Ice Cream. Molly Moon’s is a Seattle must go-to stop, known for its local Pacific Northwest sourced ingredients and community engagement. The company was founded by Molly Moon Neitzel herself; a powerful supporter of worker’s and women’s rights! 

All eight shops carry Molly moon's signature plus seasonal flavors and freshly made waffle cones that can’t be found anywhere else! (My top three favorite has to be Earl Grey, ‘Scout’ Mint, and Honey Lavender).

Molly Moon’s is known for their adorably designed, clean, crisp shops. When you head into Molly Moon’s, you are greeted by an overwhelming aroma of fresh waffle cones, beautiful baby powder blue and white, with rustic cherry red, brown, and black accents that highlight the colorful modern vibes. It the perfect place to take an Instagram-worthy photo. Even their furniture are aesthetically appealing! See for yourself while enjoying that perfect scoop of ice cream on their industrial styled adjustable stools, sky blue cafe side chairs, white glossy dining table, or their white marble dining table. (You can even find these beautiful products on our site to create that perfect baby blue aesthetically appealing design). 

If you want to take more Instagram-worthy photos, head over to Molly Moon’s headquarters to take pictures at their studio. Maybe you’ll see some of iconic office chairs in their headquarters or even in Molly Moon’s office! 

While you’re in Seattle, do your own exploring and discover other local favorites. If you snap a shot of any of these places and post on your Instagram, be sure to tag @createcultivate and @shopthemine. Have fun!

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A New Diamond Trend Is Taking Over (& Unexpected Perks Come with It)

“Let's face it, every person getting married wants something unique to them...not something they see coming and going,” says Brooke Brinkman, Vice President, Marketing & Communication at Simon G. The fine jewelry brand has been around for over three decades, witnessed alllll of the diamond trends, and really pride themselves on combining old world design with modern tech to create stunning and unique looks.  So why wouldn’t we look to them when pouring over diamond pics and options?

The good news: you can follow trends and still be unique. And there is a new trend on the rise. “While we’ve seen round diamonds take center stage as the most popular choice for engagement rings for years,” the exec shares, “we are so stoked to see oval diamonds increasing in demand.”

The bling boss knows what she’s talking about. According to Rare Carat, "Ovals are the breakout star of 2017, rising 40% in just six months.” This isn’t surprising to Simon G., which offers an array of engagement rings to suit every bride’s desire.

“The oval diamond is a classic shape with royal roots, but offers many benefits for the person who wants something a bit different, but not too trendy.  At the end of the day you want to enjoy your ring for years to come, so trendy is good, but not if it doesn't allow your ring to be timeless,” says Brinkman.  Adding, ‘Oval diamonds are the current trend, but they also provide the bonus of longevity. i.e. they’re not just an “of-the-moment” piece.

Oval diamonds have a few other bonuses as well. “Oval diamonds carry most of their weight on the surface, so compared to their round counterpart of the same size, an oval diamond will appear larger. Another perk with choosing this on trend cut is that because of their shape, Oval diamonds can give the effect of an elongated finger. Lastly, and maybe the most important plus, is that Oval diamonds are cut the same way as a round diamond, so you won’t sacrifice on sparkle and they shouldn’t cost much more --- any trend that doesn’t sacrifice shine or budget, count us in!”

Shop a few of the best options for this new trend from Simon G.’s collections. And then if you like it, go ahead, put a ring on it.

From the Delicate Collection, this engagement set features an oval center diamond.

A .18 ct oval center diamond in a halo is the focus of this darling set of rings, while .37 ctw of pave set diamonds are the final perfecting touch.

From the Passion Collection, this stunning option has a classic style setting features a double halo design built for an oval center stone. It contains .40 ctw of side diamonds.

Also from the Passion Collection, this is a classic halo design engagement ring made for an oval center stone contains .45 ctw of white diamonds.

Would rock an oval rock? Let us know in the comments below!

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Hey, I Support You... But No

Nope Heart Patch by These Are Things

In biz, as in life, we all get by with a little help from our friends. But every successful entrepreneur will tell you it’s important to say no. Nope, nope, nopeity, nope, as you will. To lay down your business law, especially when you don't want to. In fact, it’s most important to say no when you really don’t want to--like when it's a friend you want to support, but can't. You know when this happens. Your gut will check you where your brain can’t. 

From rejected requests to straight up ignores, we’re outlining the four ways you can say no to people you know. (We recommend some over others.) 

#1 The Ghost 

Saying no can be really uncomfortable. Really, really, running to the bathroom after street meat uncomfortable. Especially when it’s a friend or someone you want to continue to work with. For example, if you have a graphic designer friend/acquaintance who wants an in with some of your clients, but you don't really dig their work, you might keep pushing the request to the bottom of the barrel. 

But it's not smart to put yourself in verbal handcuffs or friend jail. Don't ghost. DON'T DO IT. It's the opposite of burning a bridge; it's the refusal to build one at all. 

Sometimes you think it’s easier to ignore it and if and when you run into them simply say, “oh no, it must have gone to my trash.” But that response is garbage and everyone knows it’s a lie. Ghosting makes things more uncomfortable and rude than they need to be. If It's a friend you want to keep we suggest #4. 

However if you need help finding the words we suggest #3 below. 

#2 The Hard No

Curt and to the point, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of this kind of ‘no.’ It can come off as dismissive and aggressive, especially as we’ve gotten rather accustomed to exclamation points. If you’re sending a cold email, it’s more likely you'll get a rather chilly response. 

If you want to go this route, we suggest adding in some brief (and likewise to the point) common courtesy. Something like: “I appreciate the opportunity, but this offer is not in line with my brand.” You don’t have to dress it up in lipstick and xx’s, but you also don’t want to slam the email door in someone’s face. It’s never necessary— especially since every contact is a contact worth saving. (It’s one thing you should hoard.) (Unless it’s your psycho ex. Delete that shit.) 

Responding to an ask email in a strong, not perfunctory, manner doesn't have to be rude. 

“Every contact is a contact worth saving. It’s one thing you should hoard.” 

However we always suggest trying your hand at #3. 

#3 The Polite Pass

We like to think this is the preferred method of ‘no,’ for most business people. They are emails that take into consideration (meaning: they read) what you had to say and offer a short, but polite pass. Often they read something like: “Thanks so much for thinking of xx for this opportunity, but given her current schedule we won’t be able to make this work. Please keep her in mind for future opportunities.” 

Sometimes they even go into a little more detail. You'll get feedback from someone that will help push your work forward. Try putting a "constructive no," into practice. Most people will appreciate the honesty.

For example, when someone sends C&C a pitch that has not been tailored to our content (even if it's someone I know), I'll write back explaining why this kind of pitch doesn't work and how they can adjust and change it. Sometimes it's glaringly obvious why it doesn't work (it's a dude founder that does nothing in the female space) and sometimes it's less obvious.

#4 The Elaborate Explanation

You're not writing a letter home to your grandma. You don't need the whole backstory. If it's a business contact you don't know that well, it's not appropriate.

If it's a no that you're worried is going to damage a friendship, you need to skip the writing part all together and do it in person. Or at the very least, on the phone. Tone matters and no matter how many x's and o's you stick on the bottom of your email, something will be misconstrued and poof! you're in a friend fight. Give them the respect to do it in person. 

Have you had to say no to a friend? How did you deal?

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