The Skinny Confidential Spills Her Holiday Work From Home Hacks

Lauryn Evarts of The Skinny Confidential and her Google Pixelbook.

Lauryn Evarts, founder and oh-so-tells-it-like-it-is voice behind The Skinny Confidential, knows how to keep it real. From sharing advice on her blog to running her podcast, "The Skinny Confidential Him and Her Podcast," with hubby Michale Bosstick, she's a busy babe who needs to keep things steamlined (the best she can). 

Plus she's the perfect person to give us the low-down on avoiding awkward family interactions over the Holidays.

Do you have any tips for avoiding awkward family small talk at the table? No. Aunt Helen, not appropriate.

OH AUNT HELEN. WE ALL HAVE A HELEN, RIGHT? I mean really can we all agree we all have that one person who has too much Pinot Noir & brings up drama from 1989? My rule of thumb is not to stay too long anywhere- we move around & move around in conversations too. If someone brings up something you don't want to talk about? Simply slowly exit the conversation. I don't like to argue- you know I'm not the type to fight fire with fire. I've always preferred to slowly back away as opposed to cutting anything off. This concept very much applies to Thanksgiving. You know what I mean? Also my chilled glass of champagne never hurt a flea.

What’s your trick for staying on top of everything this holiday season?

TIME-BLOCKING! This is this amazing, simple hack that's changed the game for me. Basically I carry a big time cube in my oversized handbag (I even did a big blog post on this subject & now a bunch of The Skinny Confidential readers do this too!). Anyway it comes in handy because I use it to block time off ( for instances 1 hour of e-mails when I wake up ). For one hour you're only allowed to focus on the one task you pick. No phone, no distractions, no other tasks besides the one you choose, sorry! I know, sounds painful but it really ups the efficiency. Seriously helps so much during the holiday seasons when there's so much distraction. I'm very much a "oh how cute a puppy, wait OMG- did you see that squirrel?" type of person. Distracted is my middle name so yes, a time cube certainly helps. Let's just say they will be in the entire family's stocking stuffer this year.

What about hacks for getting work done when you’re surrounded by friends and fam?

This is hard. I want to write a biography on this. It would be called: Hacks For Getting Work Done When You’re Surrounded By Friends and Fam: A Memoir.

Seriously sometimes I edit an Instagram in the bathroom? Just being real here. 

I REALLY try to get all my work done so I can put my phone away at parties with friends and family. My latest is to take IG Stories and save them and then post when I have some time to myself. And then there are times when you just need to go outside and do what you gotta do.  

What feature of the Google Pixelbook are you most excited to use?

THE PEN GIVES ME LIFE.

I've never been more excited for an accessory. Like screw shoes and handbags! All I want is a Google Pixelbook Pen. How chic is it in white? Before I got it I envisioned myself in business meeting with my white Google Pixelbook and the matching Google Pixelbook Pen. It was a very clear vision and now I throw it in my handbag (next to the time cube) and head to meetings.  As you can imagine I feel very cool when I whip out my pen to take notes.

You travel so much, how do you think it will streamline your travel days?

Honestly, the Google Pixelbook will be so amazing for travel. I actually SCREAMED when I got it in the mail. For one it will fit perfect in my black travel backpack and for two it's lightweight and so easy to use. Since we travel so much for work it's ideal for writing blog posts on-the-go. There's nothing better than a long red eye flight with a fast Internet, a glass of champagne, and side of plane peanuts- this is heaven for me. The Google Pixelbook will make my dreams come true while I'm flying. As you can see, I'm overly excited for how it will streamline my travel days.

But let's be honest what I really love is it's white, chic...AND has a Pen!

Google has something for everyone on your list. To see our full Google Gift Store Guide click here. 

Don't miss out, Friday to Monday Google Store is offering all kinds of holiday deals. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The Girl From Panama on How to Handle Holiday Travel

Pam Hetlinger and her Google Pixel 2. 

Pam Hetlinger is The Girl From Panama, a blog dedicated to providing fashion trends, beauty tips and travel destinations in an attainable yet elegant aesthetic.

Pam’s global experience working in London, San Francisco and Panama, in both the beauty and fashion industry, have helped her establish a unique brand and source of inspiration for a large group of dedicated buyers and followers.

Now she's living in Los Angeles and after one year in the City of Angels, she's having a blast. And taking amazing pics to prove it. 

How does having a Google Pixel 2 make your life + work easier?

Having the new Google Pixel 2 has enhanced my life greatly! With so much happening in my life with being so busy, it really helps to have a phone that’s just as eager to work hard as I am.

What feature of the Google Pixel 2 are you most excited to use? (#1 rated smartphone camera, quick + long lasting charger, Google Assistant in your pocket...)

The feature I’m most excited about on the Google Pixel 2 is without a doubt the long lasting charge and the camera. Its camera is rated #1 smartphone camera for a reason! Having the extra long battery life makes working on my phone so much easier. I’m always on-the-go, and sometimes bringing a charger with me isn’t my priority! Thankfully I won’t have to worry about that anymore. Also, I'm so excited to use the song identifier. Listening to music is a great way of keeping me stress-free throughout the day. Having a program that identifies songs near me makes all of the difference in the world!

What are your "can’t live without" apps that will go on your Google Pixel 2?

Instagram, Spotify, Uber, VSCO, to name a few!

What’s your trick for staying on top of everything this holiday season?

I live each day through a schedule, so in order to stay on top of everything, I write everything I need to do each day on a calendar! Another wonderful feature of the Google Pixel 2 :)

Google has something for everyone on your list. To see our full Google Gift Store Guide click here. 

Don't miss out, Friday to Monday Google Store is offering all kinds of holiday deals. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

How Nicolette Mason Is Taking Her Pix to the Next Level

Nicolette Mason and her Google Pixel 2. 

With her blog, her writing career, and her new line Premme, Nicolette Mason has a lot of pics to take. And how better to capture all of her content than with Google Pixel 2, rated the #1 camera on the market?

What photos are you most excited to capture on the Google Pixel 2?

I was immediately blown away by the camera and display quality on the Google Pixel 2. The videos and photos are crystal clear and look like they were shot on professional DSLRs, and are pretty amazing in low light. Every since launching Premme, we’ve relied on our built-in phone cameras to capture IRL moments of our clothing, shooting inspiration, and getting clear photos and BTS during our campaign shoots. It’s so great to know I have the tools to capture them right in my pocket!

Can’t live without apps that you’re adding to your Google Pixel 2 right away?

This is kind of nerdy, but I really do live and die by my Google Drive. Because I work on the go so much, I need to be able to access my docs while I’m running around from one meeting (or coast) to the next. Besides that, I love VSCO for editing my pics, and also love that there are really amazing mobile versions of Photoshop available.

How does having a Google Pixel 2 make your life + work easier?

I don’t always have a free hand, but the Google Assistant really does act like an assistant in my pocket. When I’m driving or just in serious multitask mode, I can ask the Google Assistant to help me out. A big one for me is, “Hey, Google, what’s on my calendar?” or, “Hey, Google, read me my latest emails.”

What feature of the Google Pixel 2 are you most excited to use? (#1 rated smartphone camera, quick + long lasting charger, Google Assistant in your pocket)

So, the first three days I had the Google Pixel 2, I literally charged it... ONE TIME. It charges up in less than 20 minutes, so I don’t feel like I’m attached to a landline. Time is my most precious resource, lately, so anything that helps me save time is a huge win.

What’s your trick for staying on top of everything this holiday season?

I put literally EVERYTHING in my Google Calendar - from wake up times, to travel distances to meetings, to little reminders of things I need to do throughout the day. It keeps me organized and on track for all my personal and professional deadlines and commitments.

Google has something for everyone on your list. To see our full Google Gift Store Guide click here. 

Don't miss out, Friday to Monday Google Store is offering all kinds of holiday deals. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Why Bianca Alexa Plans to Daydream A Lot This Holiday Season

Bianca Alexa and her Google Daydream.  

What are you most excited to use your Google Daydream View  for?

I'm most excited to use the Google Daydream View to unwind and watch Netflix while I'm in bed with a pint of Ice cream :)  

What’s your trick for staying on top of everything this holiday season?

Asking my husband to remind me of important dates so I don't forget. That and saving everything in my calendar, especially when my schedule gets so packed. It's easy to lose track of deadlines and important dates so I am constantly setting reminders and alarms to help me stay on top of it.

Google has something for everyone on your list. To see our full Google Gift Store Guide click here. 

Don't miss out, Friday to Monday Google Store is offering all kinds of holiday deals. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

More Than Half of Women Say They Don't Have Enough Time to Do This

If you feel like you don't have enough time to do what you want to do, you're not alone. 

A recent Gallup poll found that six in 10 working Americans (61%) say they do not have enough time to do what they want, compared with 32% of those who are not working. 

61% of females ages 18-49 also say that they don't have enough time to do what they want. 

Sound like you? It's a time-trap-crunch that we've all found ourselves caught in. But the question remains, how do we find some ME TIME in between all of our work hours and commitments? 

1. FLIP THE WAY YOU START YOUR DAY 

Most of us feel the time crunch start from the moment we open our email. Often this happens before we even get to the office. How many of you are guilty of rolling over, checking your inbox, and making sure there's no fire to put out? That is a surefire way to always be playing catchup. Your inbox is someone else's to-do list. 

2. FOLLOW THE TOUCH-IT-ONCE RULE 

We've talked a bit about this before, but the emails we open and don't address take up a lot of space in our minds. Space that we can use to problem solve or come up with creative ideas. The way it works is simple: if you open it, answer it. That way you will be able to more fully focus on -- and execute-- tasks throughout the day. You'll find that as you do this, it not only frees up more brain space, but TIME as well. You can use this extra time to meditate or take a walk-- even if only for 15 minutes. 

3. OK, BUT 15 MINUTES ISN'T WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT (when they say they don't have enough time)

You're right. 15 minutes does not give you actual me time. It's a respite, not a reprieve. Which, is why it's so important to clock out during vacation time. If you don't have to answer emails this coming Friday, don't do it. Give your brain the time to power down. 

Vacation is seen as a luxury, instead of a right, and it's made it so that few full time working Americans are taking time-off. In 2014 42% of working Americans didn't take a single vacation day. Not one. In 2013 Americans collectively squandered 169 million vacation days. Yet this pattern is taking its toll on workers, proving to have a negative ripple effect on employee mental health, productivity, even the economy. 

Taking your vacation days is necessary.

4. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'FREE TIME' & 'ME TIME'

It's more than likely you've squandered your free time. Free time feels slightly more flexible. But if you schedule your me time to do something [insert your GOAL LIST here] you really want to do, it will recharge you in a different way.

Or if that doesn't work, repeat "Beep Boop" until your start smiling. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

If You're Struggling From the Work From Home Blues, Read This

Working from home—that is the dream, right? A recent study found that 80 percent of workers reported higher morale when working from home. But we know this isn't always the case. 

Working from home can be filled with creative freedom, independence and ownership over your career. It can also be isolating, and many content creators have admitted to struggling with the “work-from-home blues.”

Don't fret yet. Follow these six work-from-home tips and you will be well on your way to a happier, healthier work/life balance. 

GET DRESSED 

Staying in your pajamas all day?  Not great for tackling the WFH blues.  Pretend you have a meeting every single day.  Get dressed, do your hair and make-up and make yourself a cup of coffee.  

CREATE A SPACE

Even if you don’t have a dedicated room or studio in your house, you can still create an inviting workspace. Make sure this space is quiet and free from distraction.  It’s also important to make your space a real workspace—it should be the place that you go to work on your business, not a place where you chat on the phone with your bestie. Creating a distinct place will help you distinguish between work time and play time.

GET OUT

Even if you have a dedicated work-from-home space, it can sometimes feel isolating to be alone all day.  Go work at a coffee shop, library or co-working space.  Even if you only make small talk with the barista, you’ll feel less like a shut-in.

GET MOVING

When you work from home, it is easy to fall into the trap of working all the time.  Try scheduling breaks into your daily routine, and make exercise of the upmost importance.  Whether you start your day with Pilates, go to spinning at lunch, or end your day with a walk around the block, exercise helps jump start your creativity and gives your brain a break.

BE SOCIAL 

Reach out to fellow content creators or anyone that you know who works from home.  Schedule weekly lunch dates, coffee meet-ups or even happy hour sessions.  Remember, you want to schedule leaving the house and doing social things so that you don’t feel isolated. 

Reach out to fellow content creators or anyone that you know who works from home. 

CLICK TO TWEET

FOLLOW A SCHEDULE 

One of the best things about working from home is that you get to create your own schedule. Still, all that freedom can often cause you to procrastinate or get easily distracted.  Real Housewives marathon, anyone? 

To combat this, stick to a schedule during the week.  Wake up at the same time every day, exercise, schedule weekly meetings, and you’ll be happier, more creative and more productive.

What are your WFH tips?  Share with us in the comments!

The original version of this article appeared on IPSY . 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Why GoDaddy Encourages Their Employees to Have Other Jobs

photo credit: Unsplash

Heidi Gibson, Direct of Product Management at GoDaddy, also runs a small local restaurant chain in San Francisco-- The American Grilled Cheese Kitchen. More so, she has written two successful cookbooks, won the National Grilled Cheese Invitational, been called the grilled cheese savant, and for eight years plus she's taught entrepreneurship and small business finance at The Renaissance Center, a non-profit entrepreneurship hub that serves women and minorities.

WOAH HEIDI. She's climbed so many mountains, we needed to know what the air was like from up top. Does it smell better?  

How does one manage everything as a tech expert at GoDaddy and as a business owner? Her answers might surprise you. What also comes as a bit of a surprise is that GoDaddy encourages their employees to have other jobs. Yep. It shocked Heidi too, who was used to having to sign all kinds of contracts preventing her from working on other projects. 

Read more to find out how she does it all, keeps her head on, and what 60 pounds of onions has to do with it. 

How she builds products for small businesses:

My job is to figure out what small businesses want and need. Which you can do in a variety of ways, my favorite being, talk to them. Then you start with user needs and wants to get your insights.

For example... 

We work with a lot of small businesses, those with 1 - 5 employees, and the majority of our customers are women. Our fastest growth areas are outside of the U.S., so we have exploding user bases in India and Africa and South America.

There are a lot of small entrepreneurs starting businesses. An example insight is, a lot of these folks think, if you build a website, it’ll show up. Right? Build it and they will come. So it’s a common thing here, historically, that small business owners build a WIX website and then call up support complaining because they’re not getting any traffic. From that insight, we’ll generate lists of hypotheses from additional research. And we’re like, okay, how do we help small businesses understand that they’ll actually need to market their website in order to get traffic? Then, how do we help them execute on that marketing in a completely seamless way, meeting them where they’re at? So, we’re not targeting developers. Most of our customers don’t know what SEO is, they’ve probably never even heard the term. And I would argue that there’s no good reason a baker should understand what SEO is.

"There’s no good reason a baker should understand what SEO is."

Tweet this. 

On how she's breaking down the barrier between creative and tech:

Part of the reason I ended up at GoDaddy is because I have a unique background. I worked in tech for 20 years building consumer facing products and I am a small business owner. I've also have been volunteering and teaching entrepreneurship to women and minorities for the past 9 years at a local non-profit. I won the SBA small business of the year award, and so I am part of the San Francisco small business community. And very few people in tech are…

Why this matters, as both an employee and an employer: 

What’s very unique about GoDaddy is that they actually encourage that in their employees. As a restaurant owner, every other place I’ve worked I had go through all these hoops with legal-- from conflict of interest forms and all this nonsense to have my other business on the side. And when I went to GoDaddy I asked, 'Okay, where’s the conflict of interest form?' And they said, 'Are you kidding? Run your business, promote your business, we want you to promote it inside, can we hire you for catering? Like, conflict of interest my ass, you know? Your business is a critical part of your success here.' GoDaddy actively encourages it’s employees. Support agents are encouraged to have a side business, even consulting and building websites for people. Even those directly competitive to GoDaddy. You’re not allowed to fully poach customers directly, of course. But you can be direct competitors and apply what you learn on the job. It's no problem, whatsoever because they’re such believers of you really living in your customer's shoes. It’s really refreshing.

So cheesy. Above: bites from the American. 

Her standard piece of advice on launching a small business:

Figure out how to start small with what you have, and test your idea. It’s the same thing I do with software. You identify an opportunity, you gather insights, you form a hypothesis and then you ask yourself, “What is the piece of test I can run? How can I prove out my hypothesis in the fastest, cheapest, easiest way?” Your ability to do that is really gonna vary on your business. If you’re interested in marketing consulting, it’s pretty easy to hang a shingle out there, go do some networking, and find yourself a client or two. You’re probably already doing that work pro-bono for friends and family, right? It’d be pretty easy to say, alright, I’m gonna find someone to do this for and charge them and see how this goes and take a step into it without having to give up your day job. Then wait and work it to the point where you just can’t do both. I would say you can do that and that’s where it starts. It gives you freedom to learn and adapt as you go. You can really approach the whole thing in a really scientific way. You know, come up with a hypothesis and test it and think about what worked, what didn’t, and then adjust. Then test again. You have to be objective about your business. It’s hard because you get so caught up in it, and you feel like it’s you and you being the face of your business is also so critical for the success of small businesses. But you have to be able to step back and be like, what’s working, what’s not? Is my price right? Am I talking to the right clients, is this the right product? What’s the fit here and what is really the longer term opportunity and how does this grow? Also, write a business plan.

On whether you need a business degree and dealing with the numbers:

I’ve heard so many people saying “Who needs an MBA?” This one woman said to me, “I went through bankruptcy and I did write a business plan and I think that’s so much more valuable than an MBA” I gotta say I don’t entirely agree. I do question the value of an MBA for a lot of people too, but that old adage of failing to plan is planning to fail, I think is still true. Even if you’re constantly adjusting along the way, you still need to have this vision of where this thing is going and work backward from that vision. Instead of just playing around and hoping something sticks.

"Failing to plan is planning to fail-- I think that's still true." 

Tweet this. 

Force yourself to go through the act of writing the business plan, even if not a single number in there will ever come to pass. If you’re lucky, you’re 50% off, and that’s fine! It still gives you this benchmark for success, and now you’ve got a plan for success. If you go through the effort of doing the math and doing the research, you will learn so much along the way of putting together that research by forcing yourself to write a marketing plan and the financial projections. Yeah, it’s tedious but what you’re going to get out of it is so much more than what you’ll be putting into it. And another critical part of what that process makes you confront is realizing what you’re good at, what you know, and what you’re not good at and what you don’t know. And also, forcing you to think through, “What am I going to do? Okay, I don’t anything about finance and bookkeeping.” For more common scenarios, you’ll have some artisans who may not know marketing or bookkeeping or finance, which, good news, there’s plenty of people who do. But recognize that and plan for it and budget for it. When you’re starting out, you’ll probably have to do it yourself as best as you can and that might mean you might be uncomfortable. But understanding that long term you’re gonna need to budget for an accountant and a bookkeeper to help you figure out what your pricing is or how much you need to sell and to do that calculation of when to quit your job and go fully into it.

What she encourages young entrepreneurs to do: 

I tell a lot of young people to go out and get an internship with a business owner. Specifically with the kind of business you want yours to be and what you want to do.

Yes. She did this herself. 

Here I was, a VP of product and I went out and knocked on doors of cafes and sandwich shops until I got a little bagel shop to hire me-- they didn’t even pay me. I just worked for free. And we told him what we were doing. That we wanted to our own sandwich shop. It had been 15 years since I worked at a restaurant. I told him, 'I want to follow you around. Here’s what you’re going to get out if, I’m going to work for you for 6 months, which is longer than most people stay in restaurants. I’m going to rewrite all of your training documentation for you, update your systems, all of your ordering paperwork and do all this admin stuff, if you allow me to use that as a template for my own business.' Certain entrepreneurs will bite at that and realize, here’s the most motivated person I’m ever going to have and they’ll understand that you’re not a threat, you know? You’re not opening a sandwich shop across the street from you. I’m across town! People aren’t going to be deciding whether to go to my place or your place.

You can do it almost anywhere. You’d be surprised at how often, if you go through the owner, the amount of people who have gone through this journey at some time in their life. Usually they all say yes! What do they have to lose?

And she does it for others. 

There’s a woman who owns an Indian wine bar in the city who was a system engineer and took my business planning class and was writing a business plan for her wine bar and she had no restaurant experience.  She’d worked in tech her whole life and I let her know it's way harder than you think. And she goes, 'I get it, I get it.' So I said, 'Okay, come work at my restaurant.' And she did. And I told her, 'Okay break down these 50 pounds of potatoes and 60 pounds of onions.'

For women trying to find their voice. Gibson says: 

Find an excuse to stand up during meetings. Walk up to the screen and gesticulate, assign people follow-up work – everyone will pay attention to you if you're standing, it's like a miracle has occurred. Suddenly you're in charge. It's now a joke in the office every time I do it (“Ha! Heidi's hijacking the meeting again!”), but it still works!

Expect that you'll need to 'socialize' your idea, no matter how fantastic it is. You'll likely have to pitch it to all the stakeholders separately and talk it up repeatedly for it to 'stick.' Don't get discouraged if, initially, people are interested but nothing happens. Also don't get discouraged if, after a while, nobody realizes it was originally your idea.

Let's say it again, WOAH Heidi, you superhero. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Why It's Time to Ditch the "YOLO" Mindset

Don't worry, she made that coffee at home...

These days, in our world of instant gratification (we may even be able to leverage our selfies to make purchases),  it’s more necessary than ever to be able to stay focused on saving money any way you can. So to help you monitor your spending habits and cut expenses (to put more $$$ in your pocket), here are 20 easy hacks you can use every day—starting right now. Now, that’s instant gratification at its finest!

1.     Have a weekly money date.

Commit to sitting down with your money once a week for a money date.  During this time, update your budget, review your accounts and track your progress against your financial goals.  Like any relationship, if you want your financial life to improve, you must spend time with your money.

2.     Plan out your meals for the week.

Taking a few hours every weekend to grocery shop and meal plan for the week will definitely save you money, as dining out is the No. 1 expense for most households.  By eating at home, you save money that would otherwise be spent on tax and tip—and you usually save calories, too.

3.     Cut out cable.

Gasp!  Cut out TV?! Never!  But with services like Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Prime, you can now watch your favorite TV shows and movies for a fraction of the cost of cable TV.  A study by NPD shows that cable bills will soon grow to an average of $123 per month, or $1,476 per year. By switching over to an online service or cutting out TV altogether, you can save that money for another financial goal—like paying off debt, traveling or saving for a home down payment.

4.     Host a potluck.

The more friends you have, the more money you spend on lunch dates, birthday parties and gifts.  Switch it up and instead of meeting over a fancy dinner, host a potluck and have everyone bring his or her favorite dish.  That way you can save money you’d spend on restaurant extras like tax, tip and parking—and you’ll usually have a more intimate meal together, too.

5.     Leverage Airbnb.

Finding a place to stay while traveling is so convenient when you use Airbnb.  You can often find a place that has a kitchen (so you can cook meals at home to save money) at a rate that’s comparable to hotels.  You can even rent out your own place on Airbnb while you travel to make some extra cash to pay for your own travel expenses. It’s a win-win scenario.

6.     Make coffee at home.

This one’s not my favorite, as I absolutely love going to coffee shops and drinking organic, delicious coffee.  However, spending $4 to $5 on coffee every day definitely adds up.  So try my approach and allow yourself a few days a week to buy coffee at cafes, and make it at home the rest of the time.

7.     Work more.

When you’re working a lot, there’s not much time left to shop and spend money.  Stay busy and pursue a career you love—then watch how when you’re busy hustling, you spend less.

8.     Wait 48 hours before you click “buy.”

Since we can have anything we want these days with just the click of a button (there’s that instant gratification again!), you need to find a system to help buffer your impulse purchases. Example: Wait 48 hours before spending money on things that cost more than a certain amount.  When you do, you will find that most of the time the item was more of a “want” than a “need.” Plus, you’ll save money and work toward being more mindful with your spending.

Stop spending money on things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.

tweet this

9.  Use blogs and Pinterest to learn DIY beauty treatments.

Self-care is important—but going to spas and getting pedicures, massages, etc. can really add up.  Allow yourself a certain amount to spend on these things, then use blogs and Pinterest to find at-home beauty treatments to help you save money.  Often you can find a DIY, organic option using common household or kitchen products. 

10.  Outsource with Fivrr or Task Rabbit.

Time is a commodity, and your time is precious and valuable. And these days, there are so many tasks you can outsource that will save you time and money. But how do you figure out if outsourcing something is worth the expense? A great thing to do is to actually calculate the cost of your time, which will help you figure out if you can pay someone to do something for less than your hourly rate. Here’s an example: A monthly net income of $3,000 divided by a total of 160 hours worked equals an hourly rate of $16.75. Now that you know the value of your time, you can strategically outsource it, using a service like Fivrr or Task Rabbit, for a fraction of your hourly rate.

11.  Get creative with gifts

Find creative ways to express your love to friends and family members for birthday and holiday gifts.  After all, a handwritten note explaining why you love someone can be more sentimental than some expensive gift he or she may never even use.  Most people will appreciate the thought behind your gifts more than anything, so don’t be afraid to save money and find free ways to celebrate birthdays and holidays.

12.  Choose quality over quantity

This can apply to food, clothes, electronics and much more.  Although it’s tempting to choose the more budget-friendly version of an item, sometimes choosing quality over quantity will save you more in the long run.  Save up your money and get the best-quality product you can afford, and leverage the cost-per-wear philosophy with more expensive clothing and shoes.  This applies to food, too: Buying quality organic food can nourish you in ways that fill you up more than the pre-packaged, processed stuff and potentially save you health care costs in the future, since you’re taking good care of yourself. Find a balance that is right for you and choose quality whenever you can.

13.  Deal with your emotions.

A lot of times excessive spending is a way to avoid feeling certain emotions.  If you check in with yourself before you go on a major spending spree, you may be able to identify if you’re feeling bored, lonely or stressed and spending money as a way to avoid the underlying emotion.  Check in before you buy and be mindful with your spending.

14.  Stop trying to keep up with the Kardashians.

It’s hard to keep your blinders on and not compare your financial life to others’, especially celebrities. However, it is really important to be clear about what matters most to you and make sure you build a financial plan that supports that vision. This will keep you moving toward your financial goals and stop you from spending money on things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.

15.  Read a personal finance book.

When you learn about personal finance, you’ll learn even more strategies to help you save money for your goals in life.  Knowledge is power and the more you know, the more you can save.

16.  Balance out your “YOLO” mindset.

With social media controlling our lives like never before, people often fall victim to the “fear of missing out” phenomenon and instead go overboard with a “you only live once” mentality.  While it is important to live in the present and soak up each precious moment of life, make sure you balance that out by saving for your financial future, too.  Without checks and balances in place, you can find yourself saying yes to everything and spending more money than you have—all because of the fear of missing out.

17.  Map out your financial goals.

Be very specific with your financial goals.  For example, saying, “I want to save for a home down payment” is not enough.  You need to map out how much you need, by when, and what you need to save every month in order to reach the goal. When you know what your targets are, you’re more likely to stay the course and continue saving for them for the long-term.

18.  Keep your eye on the prize.

Staying focused on your goals take discipline and determination. Saving can be easy and exciting at first, but after a while you may lose that initial motivation and start to find other things you can spend that money on.  To avoid veering off course, check in with your goals regularly and keep your eye on the prize.

19.  Track your progress

People in the U.S. save only 5.5% of their money compared to the 20% that personal finance teaches that you should put away. But instead of feeling ashamed about your lack of savings, just start by saving something.  Even 1% is better than nothing.  Track your progress and continue to increase the number year after year.  Step by step, day by day, you can get to that 20% savings level. The truth is there are many ways to save money.  Find the ways that work for you and slowly start incorporating the strategies into your life.

What tricks do you have for saving money?

Brittney Castro is the Founder & CEO of Financially Wise Women, an LA-based financial planning firm for women. Brittney has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, CNBC, Glamour.com, KTLA,   Entrepreneur.com, CBS, and more. Away from the office, you can find Brittney working out, drinking coffee with steamed almond milk, reading, playing with her fur baby Arya, and, of course, dancing. Follow her at @brittneycastro.

I'm Good With Whatever: The High Price of People Pleasing

Photo credit: Arielle Vey

I’m good with whatever. This phrase has been a mantra for the majority of my life. When I am at my best, I can be adaptable, spontaneous, and free-spirited. At my worst, I am a relentless people pleaser.

In my work as a counselor, few clients come to me with the primary goal of working on their people pleasing. And yet, I see its fingerprints on the lives of nearly every woman I work with. On the surface, it often presents itself as a fog of emotional fatigue resulting from the constant work of balancing the needs, wants, and expectations of others. It fuels many struggles with depression and anxiety. It colors relationships with underlying bitterness and resentment.

At its core, people pleasing is rooted in fear. We worry about how our choices might impact or inconvenience others. Instead of asking the people in our lives for what we need and desire, we say no for them. We find ourselves settling for a role as a background character in others’ stories because we’re scared — often for good reason — to show up in our own.

My people pleasing journey began early. Like many young children of divorce, I entered elementary school with an extra dose of insecurity. To top it off, I was a super sensitive kid who did not cope well with even the mildest disapproval or casual mistake. Classrooms and playgrounds provided the perfect environment for me to hone the skill of perception management to avoid that stinging shame.

"We find ourselves settling for a role as a background character in others’ stories because we’re scared."

Tweet this. 

Today, my husband has most often been the recipient of my people pleasing efforts — which has only intensified since becoming parents. He works hard, is a wonderful, attentive father to our two little boys, and carries a big chunk of the household duties which keep our world functional.

When he checks in with me about doing things during a morning, evening, or weekend — going for a run, meeting up with some guy friends, getting some extra work done — I almost always say yes. No problem. I’m good with whatever.

Throughout the decade we’ve been married, I’ve begun to notice a pattern. It most often begins with feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the “Have-Tos” of life. I then respond by checking out emotionally when it all just feels like too much. This typically follows with passive-aggressive behavior, complaining, and — every once in a while —rounds out with a nice, tear-filled breakdown in which I spew blame upon my poor husband.

We recently had a conversation in which I bemoaned the lack of relational connection in my life. As I processed this, I found myself saying, I would have more time for friends in my life if YOU didn’t spend all of our free time running, working, and spending time with your friends.

The second these words escaped my mouth, I knew just how wrong I was. It wasn’t his fault. I was bitter that he had the courage and the forethought to ask for what he needed and wanted and I didn’t.

What I discovered was this — my knee-jerk yeses and whatevers often become excuses to not take ownership of my own life. Managing the expectations and anticipating the needs of others is a full-time job that has robbed me of a full life and meaningful relationships. It’s too high a price to pay.

"Managing the expectations and anticipating the needs of others is a full-time job."

Tweet this. 

I also have learned that self-care isn’t enough. While I’m all for a good bubble bath and glass of wine, I think what we people pleasers need most is a supportive shove. We need people in our lives who will cheer us on as we commit ourselves to some of those things we always say we’d do if we had more time. We need to be held accountable to making space for those dreams that perpetually remain on the back burner. The fact that you are reading these words today is the result of a handful of people who have lovingly pushed me to take a risk.

The truth is, the people in our world will gain far more from our courage to live with authenticity and purpose than they would ever receive from our mere accommodation and fear of disappointing them.

It’s time to be done with someday. It’s time for the world to stop missing out on us. Let’s make some waves today.

Is people pleasing an issue for you? What do you think is at the root of it?

An original version of this article appeared on Darling Magazine. Written by Melissa Brownback.

MORE FROM OUR BLOG 

Help! The More I Make the Less I Save

Does it feel like with every passing year, and every (hopefully) subsequent raise and bonus, life's expenses keep going up to? It's not in your imagination. 

According to Nerd Wallet, "the rise in the cost of living has outpaced income growth over the past 13 years. Median household income has grown 28% since 2003, but expenses have outpaced it significantly. Medical costs increased by 57% and food and beverage prices by 36% in that same span."

Since 2009, most Americans have said they prefer saving over spending, but the fact remains that the average overall U.S. household debt increasing by 11% in the past decade. Today, the average household with credit card debt has balances totaling $16,883.

To adjust to the growing cost of living, we have to re-examine our relationship to money. It's not the only source of wealth and it's not only for spending. Obviously, you should be spending less than you make. But old models don't apply to new costs. For example when it comes to rent: The general recommendation is to spend about 30% of your gross monthly income (before taxes) on rent. Therefore, if you'll be making $4,000 per month, then your rent should be $4,000 x 0.3, or about $1,200. Those numbers don't really work when rent has been steadily increasing across the country, while wages do not. 

So what's a working woman to do? Changing your mind about money is one solution. 

Laleh Hancock teaches people how to uncover their own unconsciously held beliefs about money to experience greater wealth. Some of her top tips include:       

1. Be willing to explore your beliefs around money   

If you grew up in a family that said money is evil, you have to work hard to make money, or men should earn more, you may have adopted it as your own belief, even if it’s not. Ask yourself: If I had no belief about money being good or bad, what are all the different areas money can come into my life or my business?    

2.  Write a list of things you do and don’t enjoy... and question it all

It’s possible the things you ‘don’t like’ are on the list because other people have said it’s a chore, boring or hard work. Things you thought you didn’t like, but do, could become an extra source of revenue for you. Ask yourself: Do I really enjoy this? Do I really not enjoy this? And what is it that I do or do not enjoy about this, and what would make it more enjoyable? 

3.  Allow the business to work for you instead of you working for your business

Your business has a consciousness. Instead of trying to control everything in the business, partner with its energy for guidance instead.“Most of us work a million hours thinking we have to control everything in the business,” Laleh says. “If we are willing to allow the business to work for us, however, the business will draw in clients and staff for you.” Ask the business questions every day: What do you require from me today? Who would you like me to contact today? 

4. Be open to change every day

Your money or business goals and decisions are not set in concrete. Be open to making a different decision every day, every hour or even every 10 minutes. “You have to know when it’s time to change and be willing to move in a new direction,” Laleh says. Ask yourself: is this what I want to be working on?  

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Do We Have a Rape Accusation Double Standard?

Harvey Weinstein. 

Jeremy Piven. 

Louis CK.

Kevin Spacey. 

James Toback.  

Hollywood men are burning at the stake of their own creation. We’ve entered a news cycle that’s holding men accountable for their actions. Their shows are being cancelled. They're even being removed from completed movies. We're talking about actions, like those that comedian Louis CK stands accused of—  as of today’s NY Times piece.

(Side bar: in light of this, we feel compelled to revisit Samantha Bee's Penis PSA sketch on Full Frontal a month ago. “Fellas," the host said, "I’m a big comedy star slash Hollywood executive, and I’ve found that it’s quite easy not to masturbate in front of my employees. In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do. Every day, I wake up, get dressed, take the subway to work, and then don’t masturbate in front of anyone.”)

But there is a name that’s been thrown in the accused mix that some are having a harder time accepting and/or reconciling. 

Ed Westwick.

As of publication time, the former Gossip Girl star has been accused of rape by two women.  Deadline writes, “A former actress has come forward accusing Gossip Girl star Ed Westwick of raping her in 2014. The allegation comes just days after actress Kristina Cohen claimed Westwick raped her in February 2014. Westwick denied Cohen’s claims on Tuesday, writing on Twitter, ‘I have never forced myself in any manner, on any woman. I certainly have never committed rape.’”

Today the actor Tweeted, “It is disheartening and sad to me that as a result of two unverified and provably untrue social media claims, there are some in this environment who could ever conclude I have had anything to do with such vile and horrific conduct. I have absolutely not, and I am cooperating with the authorities so that they can clear my name as soon as possible.”

Before Westwick tweeted his denial, his girlfriend Jessica Serfaty took to Twitter to defend him against the allegations. Writing, “I know you, I know the truth. Such sadness in my heart. I love your kind gentle soul. Bless.” 

She then posted the below on Instagram, which at the time of publication has over one thousand comments.

The comments range from angered support in favor or the couple: “Just 2 stupid women who as last class actors and dont [sic] get the attention they think they deserve…so how could they get better publicity. Ur both better than this shit.” To victim blaming, “Yeah, right. I’m sure all these Women probably threw themselves at him to get a part in the movie, whores,” and “I believe he didn’t do it!! Too many woman crying wolf all of the sudden, with zero evidence and a half plausible story.” To those who support and believe the victim. “Thanks for discrediting a rape victim everyone, rape culture is your fault,” one commenter wrote. 

The allegations against Westwick bring up a lot of interesting and difficult questions. Why is it easier to believe/support sexual assault allegations when they are brought against older, less ‘handsome’ men? Why do we choose to believe some victims and not others? What is the “right” way to support your partner when they are accused of vile acts? 

Is it as black and white as saying #metoo and I believe all women? Are there people for whom we don’t want the allegations to be true? Certainly. Inherent biases abound when dealing with such highly charged conversations. 

These are questions to which we hold no easy answers.

An often-cited Violence Against Women report states, “within the domain of rape, the most highly charged area of debate concerns the issue of false allegations. For centuries, it has been asserted and assumed that women ‘cry rape,’ that a large proportion of rape allegations are maliciously concocted for purposes of revenge or other motives.” Other motives in the case of Ed Westwick would be— fame? Notoriety? When faced with questions like these many women wonder why anyone who make up such a horrific story. According to the same report, the prevalence of false allegations is between 2% and 10%. Although false rape accusations are statistical outliers, they do exist. 

In 2015, Donna Zuckerberg wrote this for Jezebel: 

“Rape allegations also draw attention to an uncomfortable contradiction. One of the core beliefs of our legal system is that defendants are innocent until proven guilty. On the other hand, many people—after an entire recorded history that has often assumed the opposite—have a default response of wanting to support and believe those who say they’ve been sexually assaulted. So how do we handle the fact that these two stances are fundamentally irreconcilable? If we believe that alleged rapists are innocent until proven guilty, then on some level, we have to believe that victims might be lying until they can prove that they’re telling the truth. We don’t want to automatically assume that everyone accused is a rapist, but we also don’t want to assume that accusers are liars. There is no unequivocally safe ground from which to judge.”

That doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s an incredibly touchy subject for all sides, espeically when women are banding together more so than ever before. Thousands of women have broken their silence. On Instagram alone the #metoo has over 550,000 posts. But what happens when we don’t like the narrative or have a hard time stomaching the accused as "rapist?" Harvey Weinstein fits our internal descriptor of a rapist. He looks like a monster, we think. But what about when the curtain doesn't match the drag? 

Dallas Clayton, the illustrator and author who is behind the “Stand Here and Think About Someone You Love” mural in LA, was accused of rape by Dawn Baston last month. Despite his popularity, at least on Instagram where he has 243k followers, there was no real backlash. Only a few reacted. Sophia Amoruso and Girl Boss took a bold stance, covering up one of his most popular LA murals. Vans pulled a shoe line collab from their website. Rudy's Barber Shop cancelled their a collaboration. However, he has his own book deals and a movie that he co-wrote with Sia, starting Kate Hudson (you know, the one for which she’s famously shaved her head) called Sister coming out in 2018. There is no news. No coverage. There are more stories covering Kate’s hair than Baston’s story. A Google search of "Dallas Clayton rape" turns up zero results. 

Is it because Clayton, like Westwick, also doesn’t fit our idea of rapist? How could the guy behind “An Awesome Book!” do such a tremendously not awesome thing? 

We don't have the answers, but we'd love to hear your thoughts below. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

So You Started A Business... Now What?

If you're like us, Jen Gotch's Instgram stories are at the top of your must-watch list. Every. damn. day. The CCO and Founder of the fun-centric Ban.do has built a brand with cult-like following of millennials. #FORBES. While she might not like to admit it, she's pretty D.O.P.E. at this whole business thing. And when she's not making us laugh (and/or cry and/or laugh-cry) on IG stories, she shoots an advice series called Honor Roll answering fan-submitted questions about business-related things + more. 

Watch her spill solid biz advice below and be sure to nab a ticket to Create & Cultivate LA, where Jen will be spilling even more on our "Never Not Posting" panel. 

Q: SHOULD I BRING ON A BUSINESS PARTNER?

Q: HOW DO YOU HIRE EMPLOYEES THAT ARE A FIT FOR YOUR COMPANY?

Q: HOW DO YOU STAY MOTIVATED FOR NEW PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT? 

Want more? Watch more from Jen here and here. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Dos and Don'ts for Overcoming the Worst Work Day Ever

Written by: Crosby Noricks  

From the outside, owning your own business means waking up each morning Cinderella-style; singing with the sunrise, adorable little bluebirds helping you to get dressed, a zippity doo dah of gratitude and oh yeah, great hair.

And sure, on those days when everything is humming along, professional independence is a bit like being the fairy godmother of your own life. But we all know life itself is no fairy tale. Some days, you wake up just not feeling it. at. all.

It could be the never-ending news cycle horrors, a fight with your main squeeze, a good morning panic attack (a recent study found that 72% of entrepreneurs surveyed cited a mental health concern, the struggle IS real), or a go-go-go couple of weeks that have left you tired in all the parts and places a human can be tired.

When something personal is affecting you professionally, try out some of these guidelines to help you persevere through those ups and downs.

After all, you still have to make sure someone is driving the carriage and paying attention to that midnight deadline.

Don’t resist reality

Sometimes it’s our unwillingness to accept what’s actually happening that ends up causing us the most pain. All that running from what’s going on makes moving on harder, not to mention leaves you wide open for an emotion-filled sneak attack when you least expect it. Often, you will immediately feel better when you clearly acknowledge your emotional attachment; “My dad is in the hospital and I am scared,” or “I wasn’t able to secure sponsorships during yesterday’s conference call and I’m second-guessing myself.” Get a handle on the root of the problem.

For Brand Consultant and Certified Coach Stacey Hagen, a tough spot is a call to go inward. “Since I'm ultimately responsible for the energy I bring and I don't want that energy influencing a client on a coaching call, I do my best to sort out whatever is going on prior to getting on a client call. I do this by meditating and journaling. It helps me clear my mind so I can show up fully and hold space.”

Ask yourself, “what do I need to do to feel better?” and start there. A quick 20-minute walk or bitch session with a friend who gets it can work wonders.

Do fix what you can

For circumstances where there’s miscommunication and frustration building between yourself and someone else, getting on the path to peace might be easier than you think. Consider the adage, “no one can resist a non-resistant person.” This phrase is one Relationship Coach and Therapist Kelli Adame uses to help her clients move into a non-resistant, acceptant flow around a challenging affair. She suggests, “the next time you’re dealing with a difficult interpersonal conflict, focus on validating the other person by making them right. Everyone has the right to feel and think whatever they want, after all. Making the other person feel heard is the first step toward de-escalating a situation and puts the other person in a better mindset to receive what you need to deliver.” Adame recommends using this language “I hear everything that you are saying and you have every right to that concern AND I’d like or I need (whatever you have to negotiate).”

Do tell those you trust

Now, it might not be the most professional of declarations but sometimes getting real with your network about certain challenges can deepen rapport.

For Alex Moresco, a Chicago-based entertainment publicist and star of the new original reality web series “PRGirl”, a Lyme Disease diagnosis in 2016 completely changed how she approached working with clients. “Working and balancing a chronic illness can be incredibly tricky, especially in a service based industry such as PR. I have been especially fortunate  to work with clients that I now also call my friends, and who genuinely care about my wellbeing. It is imperative that I am transparent with clients about my limitation so I can set expectations and provide the best service possible.

Don’t silo yourself

You could go back to bed and wallow in whatever has you down. It’s your company after all, and if you need to close up shop to get your mind right before getting back in the game, it’s a viable option. However, there’s a fine line between hiding out and simply giving yourself some necessary, though temporary, down-time.

That said, the quickest way to stop self-pity is to focus on serving others. Making valuable business introductions or taking your new intern to lunch are all easy-effort acts to get outside yourself and into the feel-goods that doing for others sparks. For an instant uplifting mood boost, Adame loves to simply buy the person behind her in line coffee.

Whether you choose to shut down or power through, how you handle your rough days can shed light onto your values and expectations as a business owner, it also models to self-care for your own team, clients and partners. Not all situations or solutions are one-size fits all of course, but over time you’ll learn how to overcome not-so-ideal days with ease and grace and find a regimen for achieving happiness and professional sustainability that fits your personal needs and gets you back on track toward happily-ever-after.

---

Crosby Noricks is the founder and director of PR Couture, the sourcebook for fashion and lifestyle communicators. As part of the site’s own 10-year anniversary celebration, Crosby launched The Bespoke Communication Awards, a global online award program established to recognize excellence among agencies, in-house teams, individuals and brands. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The One Thing That Gives Women Power Over Men

Portland went off last night. Last night we landed in the PNW for a night of cocktails and conversation! We'll talked all things entrepreneurship, creative & tech with women who are breaking down barriers and actively putting in work to build a better future. Over 300 guests attended the popup at the Portland Marriott Downtown Waterfront, hearing  from panelists Grace Mahary, Jessica Naziri, Karen Okonkwo, and Heather Lipner about their life in STEM, their aspirations, and how women are the true superheroes. 

Read some of our favorite takeaways below and head to our Facebook to watch the full live stream including our keynote with Sonja Rasula. 

FIND YOUR TRIBE

TechSesh founder Jessica Naziri quit her job in the startup world when she felt like she didn’t belong. She told the crowd, “I never want to feel like that again. I want to make it my mission to empower myself and empower others.” So she taught herself to code— well, with a little help from her friends. “I am part of a network called Persian women in tech. We all meet once a month.” One of the women in the group help Jessica learn to code. “I’m not going to say I’m a programmer. I know the basics and that enabled me to understand the foundation. Even if you don’t want to code, just knowing a little bit is so important. These days it’s so easy— you can take  an online course and empower yourself.”

Model and Project Tsehigh founder Grace Mahary also brought up that in such a digitally dependent world, there is no way to survive without getting involved in STEM in some way. So get on it. 

TURN PASSION IN PROJECTS

Heather Lipner, the founder of then now-closed, but highly popular, Clashist (they made James Franco leggings) and now Drawsta, knew that she wanted to continue in the fashion world, but incorporate tech. “Augmented reality at that point was not really even a word people were talking about.” Before Snapchat even came out with face filters, Heather was doing R&D to figure out how to make Augmented Reality work in the fashion sphere. “If you don’t know what it is, it’s adding a digital layer to a physical thing you can touch and feel, and the digital layer can only be experienced through a device like an iPhone. With Drawsta you can have real time changes to your clothes. With AR you can upload a new animation— you can program your clothes in real time. It’s a powerful tool and a new way to experience wearing something. With Snapchat and Instagram stories everyone is changing their face, but it could be on clothes and surfaces.”

It could also make fashion more sustainable— something that Grace Mahary brought up.

OFFSET YOUR WORK 

"I work in an industry that’s one of the most polluting on the planet, so it’s all about offsetting,” the activist told the crowd.

Project Tsehigh (PjT) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing uninterrupted energy to impoverished or remote communities around the world via renewable energy sources. 

“While I was visiting and living in some of these developing nations I realized, very quickly, I couldn’t charge my phone, I would go to a restaurant and the power would go out. When you live in that condition you’re forced to see how people live and wake up every day. To think that you can't wake up every day and have facilities that run consistently— that’s how I became passionate about it. We’re working with solar panels, and as of this month, we’ll be launching our first project in Eritrea, and we’re donating 101 solar units to households — and then a school, a church, and a mosque.” 

PROMOTE INCLUSITIVITY 

Karen Okonkwo of TONL, a which seeks to transform the idea of stock photography by displaying images of diverse people and their stories around the world, explained, “For people to feel welcome in any industry, they need to see online that there are other people that look like them, in those particular fields. Imagery, in the form of advertising, is the first step in saying, ‘hey you are welcome and we want you here.’ That angle is very powerful and underutilized.” 

“Sometimes, especially in the black community we feel tokenized,” Karen told the crowd. "I’m not trying to act like the spokesperson for the black community. I’m simply someone who is trying to provide change and influence. I may have some missteps along the way. Try to give people grace as they launch their businesses and feedback.” 

She also dropped a version of this gem: Be your own Dora the Explorer and teach yourself. 

"Be your own Dora the Explorer and teach yourself."

Tweet this. 

“If you don’t see what you want— anyone who has a skill set, be that change. Start your own Facebook group or start your own meet up, or agree to mentor one person, that’s how we create that cascade of people who can enter into STEM. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, either. That knowledge is there for you to take." 

WOMEN ARE FREAKIN SUPERHEROES 

“A lot of money is controlled by men, and that’s the biggest problem," shared Heather when talking about raising money and going into VC meetings. "When you go and try to raise you’re almost always talking to a man and they don’t understand the female perspective. Until you experience something or have that problem, you’re not going to understand what the solution is. It’s harder for women to get funded, it sucks,” she said frankly. “For me I’ve been jumped into a room and seen a total glaze.” Which is why she says, "The money has to also be diverse in category, gender, race, and everything so you can create companies that are targeted for what your niche is.” 

Heather then dropped this AMAZING bomb during the Q&A portion.

“I just had a baby. The baby was in me and then it came out of me. And I feed the baby with my breasts. Men cannot do that. I wish I could go back to all the VC meetings I had and to the men in those rooms  say, ‘You have no power.’ I wish I could have a different mind shift and just go for it without being intimidated or being scared. It’s a crazy thing to think about. They might have the money. It’s artificial. It’s contrived. And we can change that. You just need that mind shift. 

Any questions?

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

5 Best Career Takeaways from the Joan Didion Doc

Photograph by Julian Wasser / Netflix

If you tuned into the Netflix Doc, “Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold,” there were some tearful moments, some revelations about her relationship to her dad and her husband John Gregory Dunne, but there are also some moments that we took as career inspo. 

Here are our five faves. 

1. Everyone takes their lumps in the beginning. But those who stick with it persevere. 

After graduating from UC Berkeley, Didion traveled to New York to work for Vogue. As fellow editor, Phyllis Rifield, explains in the doc, “it would be exciting because it was the pre-eminent fashion magazine.” 

“You didn’t have the luxury of writing and writing and writing,” Rifield shares, bringing up Didion’s editor. 

“I remember she would have this big aquamarine ring,” Didion says in the documentary from old C-Span footage. “She’d violently be crossing things out, yelling ‘action verbs, action verbs.’ Everybody that lasted with her,” she continues, “basically learned to write.”

Didion lasted, but not without taking some serious editing. 

2. You never know where your shot will come from. 

‘Self-respect, its source, its power,’ is the title of Didion’s first published Vogue piece. It had been assigned to a freelance writer, Didion reveals. It never showed up, but the title had already been printed on the that month’s cover. 

“No piece came in,” says Didion, “so I had to write it.”

“People with self-respect,” wrote Didion in the piece, “display what was once called character… Character, the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” 

“Character, the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.”

Tweet this. 

She wrote the piece. Got her byline. And the Joan Didion voice officially hit the world. 

3. You don’t have to be a breakout hit, but you do have to break out. 

Even though Vogue was, as previously stated, the pre-eminent fashion magazine-- and still the spot that so many writers vie to work at, it wasn’t the end-all-be-all for Didion. 

She’d work all day at Vogue, come home eat dinner, and work on her novel. “I’d pin up parts on the walls of my apartment. I think ten people read it. I think 11 copies of it were sold,” she laughs. The novel is called “Run River.” 

It was not her best work, but it was her first. 

4. Sometimes you have to give up the day job to become who you really are.

Despite a burgeoning career, Didion knew that it was time to get out of New York. “It’s easy to see the beginnings of things and harder to see the ends. I could remember now with a clarity that makes the back of my nerves constrict when New York began for me. But I cannot lay my finger on the moment it ended. All I know is that it was very bad when I was 28.” 

It was not until she published “Slouching Toward Bethlehem,” in 1968 did she become a cultural phenom. 

Nothing happens overnight. The recognition doesn’t happen at the beginning of your career. That’s why it’s called the beginning. 

5. The middle part is always the hardest and when you need to dig in. 

No matter what the job, there’s always a moment when you have to go straight through the center. 

There’s no other way around it. 

In the doc, Didion talks about how the beginning of a book is the easiest, but once you dig into the middle that’s where the real work begins— for everyone. 

What was your favorite part? Comment below!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Pre-Week Motivation From One of Our Favorite CEOs

When Sonja Rasula, CEO & Founder of @UniqueMarkets, @TheUniqueCamp, and @TheUniqueSpace got the #CreateCultivateSEA crowd on the Main Stage AND dancing during our last conference, it was truly something special. As she stated on her personal IG, 

"Here's to those willing to take risks, to say yes to the unknown, to be weird in front of hundreds of strangers. A week ago these brave women got up on stage with me, learned their moves in less than one minute, and gave-it-a-go in front of hundreds of women staring back at them. BRAVO TO THE DARING - the difference between most people and these women is that they climbed onto the stage, knew their moves wouldn't be in sync, were faced with judging stares and DID IT ANYWAYS. And when making decisions in meetings, or figuring out a business idea or planning for a presentation, my guess is these ladies will conquer anything you throw at them, instead of being nervous and sitting on the sideline. 🎉 It was an honor seeing you all at my workshop, just look at those smiles and those moves!!!!"

She's also the owner of the above words, which, might be one of our most liked photos on IG-- ever. So in preparation for our Create & Cultivate x Marriott Hotels popup in Portland this week, where Sonja will be taking the stage to keynote and inspired, we had her rework some of our favorite inspirational sayings. 

Check out the below for a little pre-week motivation and be sure to RSVP to our Portland event here. 

1. Original: Success comes to those who wait. Sonja’d: Success comes over nights.

2. Original: Do one thing every day that scares you. Sonja’d: If it's easy, you're not doing it right.

3. Original: You can do it, put your back into it. Sonja’d: UM I WOULD SAY EXACTLY THAT!  

4. Original: People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Sonja’d: All it takes is a big idea and a little crazy.

"If it's easy, you're not doing it right."

Tweet this.

5. Original: Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. Sonja’d: You are your biggest critic, let go. Become your biggest cheerleader. 

6. Original: Done is better than perfect. Sonja’d: Dreamers dream. Doers get shit done.

Have a favorite saying? Share in the comments below! 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Here's How to Face Criticism at Work Head On

Article by Alana Helapitage. Facing Criticism at Work? Here's How to Stay Confident originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.

Success-driven professionals tend to take our work personally—including the criticism we get for it.

While we have the power to respond to all criticism constructively, there’s some criticism that brings even the most empowered among us to our knees. This is the kind of feedback that challenges our self-worth, our power to serve, and our authority as professionals. 

When we get difficult criticism, it’s important to have a practice to lean on so we can bounce back stronger and more assertive than we were before. In fact, according to a graduate study conducted by Mark Reid, assertiveness is one of the key factors of Emotional Intelligence, which research shows is a core part of effective communication at work. 

The following three-step assertiveness practice has been a lifeline when I’ve received truly challenging criticism. This practice has allowed me to re-center myself when I feel trapped in the mire of other people’s wants, needs, and expectations—helping me to distill the lessons in the criticism while still standing my ground. 

Step 1: Give Yourself Permission to Feel

We carry so many hidden limiting beliefs about certain feelings. The anger, sadness, shame, and other negative emotions that result from receiving criticism can trigger beliefs about what is wrong or lacking in us as human beings. We may believe that having so-called negative feelings reflects our weakness, illness, or badness. 

Decide to feel what you feel.

So, we may react by resisting, dismissing, or outright denying these feelings, only to have them grow stronger and more depleting. 

The solution? Decide to feel what you feel. Carve out some time alone and undistracted to simply sit still, breathe deeply, and witness the sensations that arise in your body. Scan your body from head to toe and notice what feelings come up in each body part. 

Maybe you feel your head swimming in your racing thoughts. Your neck might be aching under the burden of feeling not good enough. Your heart could be pounding with anger at some unjust remarks hurled your way. But amidst the struggle, you may eventually feel some courage mingling with the anger, some peacefulness expanding in your lungs as your deep breathing relaxes you. 

As you notice your feelings, choose to relate to them, not as an indication of who you are, but as a sign of what needs your attention so you can respond proactively to the situation at hand.

Step 2: Write It Out, Talk It Out, Work It Out

Once we’ve given ourselves permission to feel, we need to express what we feel. You may have heard the popular definition of emotions as “energy in motion.” In other words, emotions aren’t designed to stagnate. Rather, they’re designed to be fluid, to move through us. 

Emotions are energy in motion.

To help shift our feelings from negative and depleted to positive and assertive, we need to put words to what we feel—uncensored—and then talk about them to those we trust to listen to us. 

For the first phase of this process, I recommend writing down what you feel. This is the unedited part, for your eyes only. Allow every feeling to spill onto the paper in its raw form, no matter how wrong or even obscene your feelings may seem. If you’re compelled to write an entire page of expletives or a litany that would knock your critic(s) to the ground—so be it. 

Then, highlight the key feelings that are especially difficult for you to process. Decide who you want to discuss them with and clarify what kind of feedback you need so you can respond effectively. If you just want someone to listen, that’s completely valid. I’d recommend speaking with someone who isn’t directly involved in your relationship with the person/people who have criticized you, in order for you to get unbiased support.

Another tip: Physically moving our bodies based on how we’re feeling is a key part of healthy self-expression, whether that means dancing, hitting a punching bag, practicing yoga, or doing other forms of exercise. This is one of the fastest and most effective ways I know to keep our emotions moving in a positive direction, especially when we focus on our breathing and how it would feel to be assertive. 

Step 3: Use D-E-A-R M-A-N When Talking to Your Critics

D-E-A-R M-A-N was introduced to me by my soul-based business strategist, Kim Page, as a handy mnemonic to practice assertive communication. It was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., ABPP, an expert in human psychology. I'll illusrate each letter in the acronym with an example adapted from my experience with writer clients struggling with criticism.

●︎ D stands for describing the facts of the situation at hand. "My understanding is that I was to provide you with ten hours of editing work for $500, and you were expecting a ten page critique in that amount of time."

●︎ E stands for expressing your feelings and opinions using “I” statements, along with a brief explanation. For example: "I feel unclear as to why you expected a ten-page critique, when we agreed that half of your payment (five hours of my time) was to be set aside for a step-by-step editing strategy."

●︎ A stands for asking for what you want and saying no to what you don’t want. Example: "I would like to talk to you over the phone to clarify what your editing needs are, and also what we can do to meet those needs together. I don’t want to write a ten-page critique because I feel it would be overwhelming for you as a novice writer." 

●︎ R stands for reinforcing the benefits of getting what you want and need and the consequences of not getting what you want and need. Example: "If you’re open to speaking with me over the phone about our scope of work, I feel we can come to a clearer understanding of what will make your book as effective as possible. If we don’t, I’m concerned that you’ll continue to want more feedback than we can efficiently apply to editing your work." 

●︎ M stands for staying mindful of your desired outcome for the communication, without giving into distractions. Example: "I understand that you’re disappointed about not receiving a ten-page critique, but I have to emphasize the importance of breaking down our work into manageable steps." 

●︎ A stands for appearing confident, meaning that you maintain direct speech and eye contact. Example: "I have provided editing strategies for dozens of new authors in your field, and I trust that we’ll figure out one that works for you—even if it’s different from what you were envisioning." 

●︎ N stands for negotiating a solution with the other person, accepting that there may be alternatives that will allow you to get your wants and needs met. Example: "While a ten-page critique is off the table, how else do you think we can work together to get your editing needs met?" 

Success-driven professionals often go through a lot of difficult change to claim our self-worth, our authority, and our power to serve. Part of this change includes responding assertively to criticism. 

The three techniques I’ve described can help you to walk resolutely down your chosen path, allowing you to turn criticism into fuel for a successful and fulfilling career.

About Shine:

Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.

Follow Shine on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook: @ShineText

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Is the Text Message Interview a Scam?

Written by: Makeda Waterman

If you think you know technology, the text messaging interview tops our list. The reality is most job seekers will not be prepared when an unexpected text arrives on the smartphone. With the rapid pace of technology, you need to know more than the most common interview questions. 

Before you accept your next text interview, we included the pros, cons and why it is becoming popular across the globe.

Why Text Message Recruiting is Popular

According to a Gallup News article, “sending and receiving text messages is the most prevalent form of communication for Americans younger than 50.” 

HR staff at organizations have realized that emails can get lost in spam folders, but people take the time to check their phones a few times a day. Online tools such as Google Voice give recruiters an opportunity to send a text message from their computer. 

The Android and iPhone have voice dictation tools that help them to create a text message without the use of their cell phone or keyboard. Sounds like an easy way for employers to find top talent.

SMS Interview Tips

The entire purpose of SMS interviews is for recruiters to screen out applicants without having to spend countless hours on the telephone or play cat and mouse phone tag to connect with applicants successfully. An SMS message may come as a surprise. Here are messages to avoid sending if you receive one.

• CU later!
• XOXO :D
• Thx for the invite!
• Gr8! C U Soon

What to consider when sending a professional SMS message:

• Try to avoid sending long text messages if you have a basic question like directions to find the location of the interview. 
• When you need help with a more detailed inquiry, send an email or call the recruiter. Keep your messages within a 140 character tweet limit.
• Emojis are casual but are not professional when communicating with an HR rep. If you can avoid using slang and check for spelling errors, you are well on your way.
• Send your responses during regular business hours. A text to a recruiter at 3 am may not be looked at as professional hours.

The Benefits of Text-based Interviewing

There is a belief that text-based interviewing minimizes bias when recruiters hire top talent. The recruiter is less distracted with personality or accents and can stay focused on how the applicant answers their questions. 

It helps to improve the chances of qualifying the right candidates to come in for an interview. The conversation with a recruiter can end quicker if they choose not to move forward. The information can stay on record and text messages can be shared with managers throughout the hiring process.

The Cons of Interviewing via Text

Not all applicants understand the do’s and don’ts of how to be professional when replying to text-based interviews. An applicant that adds an emoji or sends a casual response might be a qualified candidate. Depending on the person that receives the text, he or she may not have an interest in carrying on an interview via SMS. It is fair to say that not all millennials or job seekers appreciate texting over a one on one connection with a live recruiter.

Text Message Recruitment Scams

Doesn’t it sound like a convenient way to communicate? Yes, indeed. The other side of this text-friendly recruitment practice is scammed becoming popular. 

On Indeed, job seekers shared their experiences of generic text messages from illegitimate companies. Beware of the text message that asks you to send your full name, date of birth, address and Social Security Number. A recruiter from a real company will not ask you for this information. If this happens to you, we strongly recommend that you hold onto the message and report it to your local authorities.

The next time you receive an SMS from an HR recruiter, think of it like an in-person interview. It takes a few seconds to use autocorrect and think of a pleasant and professional way to answer a question. You most likely are one out of the many people that will receive it. Do your best to wow the recruiter and good luck!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Everything You Missed from Our Create & Cultivate Style Summit with Simon Malls

Mall life is the great life, if you attended the Create & Cultivate Style Summit with Simon Malls at the Houston Galleria last weekend. From @michelletakeaim sharing great social tidbits with the 300+ crowd like, “It's really important to post in real time and build a connection with your followers," to Houston-based fashion illustrator Rongrong Devoe doodling onsite for attendees, to the non-stop note-taking in Erin Condren custom #foundatsimon notebooks. We had a time. 

For a better look into the festivities press play on the full recap below. Includes some Sophia Bush mic-drops. 

photo credit: Becki Smith/Smith House Photo

video credit: Salt Water & Chaos

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Does the Current Administration Want to Control Our Bodies?

Should we rename birth control? To birth mind-your-business. Or birth nunya. Or something that would stop numerous conservatives in DC from crawling up our uterus’?

Seriously. 

While the debate over abortion is well-documented, the BTS agenda of the Trump admin when it comes to birth control is less documented. 

It started to come to light earlier this month when, according the the NY Times, “the White House argued that one reason for ending Obamacare’s birth control mandate is that it could promote ‘risky sexual behavior’ among women and teens." Under these regulations of the 55 million women with access to free birth control, hundreds of thousands of women would lose the benefits afforded to them under the Affordable Care Act.

So let’s talk numbers. More than 99% of women aged 15–44 who have ever had sexual intercourse have used at least one contraceptive method. Of the contraceptive methods, the pill and female sterilization have been the two most commonly used methods since 1982.

According to the fact sheet from the Guttmacher Institute, four of every five sexually experienced women have used the pill. More so, the pill is the method most widely used by white women, women in their teens and 20s, never- married and cohabiting women, childless women and college graduates.

You get the point. We use the pill. We like the pill. We like not getting pregnant. It’s not as wild or raucous as that “risky sexual behavior” quote would lead conservatives to believe. In fact, access to contraceptives has shown teens to engage in less risky sexual behavior. 

And yet, last week, while we were distracted by [enter any number of horrors here] a leaked memo revealed that Trump and his administration intend to cut family planning funding and encourage women—including teenagers—to abandon birth control in favor of the rhythm method. 

We wish this was about Janet Jackson. 

(One more Rhythm Nation gif for prosperity.)

But it's not. It's still nasty tho. 

Said memo was leaked to Crooked, and according to their reporting, “Each of the document’s repeated references to fertility awareness, including as a preferred remedy for teenage pregnancy, can be found in subsections that identify DPC staffers Katy Talento and Alexandra Campau as points of contact for OMB officials. Talento, a former adviser to Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC), attracted the attention of the health news service STAT earlier this year, after Trump selected her to help shape the administration’s health policy, for expressing ‘strong rhetoric against birth control and abortion.’ In a January 2015 article for the right wing website The Federalist, Talento suggested that “chemical birth control” is “causing miscarriages of already-conceived children,” and, “breaking your uterus for good.”

Science. 

Speaking of, here’s a little info on the rhythm method, in which women try to avoid pregnancy by tracking their ovulation. According to Planned Parenthood, these methods are about 76% effective. In other numbers, ““24 out of 100 couples who use FAMS will have a pregnancy each year.”

Talento has to be a hack! You might think. She's not. She studied epidemiology at Harvard (which certainly doesn't make her a vagina expert). Her first job, according to her LinkedIn was as a research instructor at Georgetown University Medical Center, where she helped oversee an unspecified NIH-funded study. She then worked at the Whitman-Walker Clinic, which provides services for HIV/AIDS patients, before moving onto politics. Why would a woman with an extensive scientific background call for such measures? 

Why the call to take away our BC? 

It’s certainly pre-historic and it has very little to do with your uterus breaking. Or deviant sexual behavior. But a conservative agenda that women should not enter into sexual relations before marriage. This is not politics as usual. 

We say, my body, my choice. My Control. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG