The Truth About Eating Disorders At Work

Christina Grasso, know to IG as The Pouf, just launched a peer support network for women with eating disorders. In collaboration with Ruthie Friedlander, Special Projects Director at InStyle, the women have unveiled The Chain, the first peer-led support network exclusively for women in fashion, beauty, and entertainment struggling with eating disorders.

They co-founders connected over their shared history and the difficulty of navigating a career in fashion while actively working toward recovery. 

The below is Christina's story and strength. 

###

The most challenging moment of my young life came when I, a high-achieving, seemingly together 19-year-old college student had to admit that despite my carefully-crafted pretense, I was not okay. That I, someone who seemingly had it all, was in the midst of a life-or-death battle with anorexia nervosa.

I needed help.

It baffles me to think that had it been any sort of primarily physical ailment, like a broken bone or a gaping wound, I wouldn’t have so vehemently denied it and struggled in silence for so long. But the reality is that most people hesitate to ask for or accept help because of the shame and stigma that clouds mental illness. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and alone. Which may be why only 10 percent of those who struggle with an eating disorder ever seek help–the rest are left to their own devices to fight a disease that has the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric illnesses. And had I not gotten help, as defiant and ambivalent as I was, it’s highly likely I would have died from heart failure.

"Only 10 percent of those who struggle with an eating disorder ever seek help."

Tweet this.

While admitting I needed help was, as they say, the first step to recovery, I was naive to the fact that the process would require constant honesty because eating disorders thrive in the dark.

The space between that crucial moment in college and today, almost a decade later, has been turbulent. I’ve bounced in and out of treatment centers and hospitals; my earnest efforts to get better sabotaged by a ruthless illness that started to rear its ugly head at the age of 12. I would take two steps forward and several steps back, which ultimately landed me, at my worst, hospitalized with a feeding tube. Though I am now in recovery, it’s an unimaginably difficult, everyday battle to stay in recovery. And along with a solid support system, it’s been my decision to disclose my history with eating disorders–not just in the workplace but publicly—that has given me the momentum to keep going.

When I graduated college and started my first job around 5 years ago, I subscribed to the widely-held belief that drawing a line in the sand through personal and professional matters wasn’t just standard practice, but of vital importance. That line quickly faded, though, when I chose to disclose my history in a story for a major publication. The article detailed my battle with anorexia, and knowing my colleagues would likely see it, I made the choice to be transparent with them ahead of time to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness. Doing so felt backward and uncomfortable, especially as a fiercely private individual. Part of me felt like disclosing my illness would lead to the demise of a career I had just begun, but something in my gut told me it was what I needed to do. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into the vast unknown was terrifying, but I knew it had to be better than standing in secrecy and fear for the rest of my life.

The response I received from my peers and colleagues was, and continues to be, overwhelmingly positive. After spending months—years, even—catastrophizing over what people would think, I was mostly met with empathy, curiosity, and support. In a way, it has kept me accountable in my recovery because since most people I’ve worked with are at least somewhat aware of my history, I know I can’t get away with disordered behaviors without it being somewhat obvious. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s always easy. Because my job requires a great deal of social functions, and ones that often involve food, I’ve really had to learn to embrace the discomfort, which is ever-present. Over the years, something that has helped me tremendously is repeatedly giving myself to situations that are anxiety-provoking. While that may sound slightly masochistic, I remind myself to “fake it ‘til you make it,” and that doing the things of which we’re fearful is what breeds growth. And over time, I have grown a great deal and it really has gotten easier.

"Doing the things of which we’re fearful is what breeds growth."

Tweet this. 

It has also opened up a whole new window of meaningful opportunities and relationships.. About 5 years ago, shortly after that article went live, I connected with Project HEAL, a non-profit that provides financial assistance to those battling eating disorders who cannot afford treatment. Today, I sit on their board and lead their public relations efforts, speak at schools about my recovery, and most recently have been privileged to consult with them on the new Netflix film, To the Bone. Together, these have been some of the most rewarding and energizing experiences which reaffirm both my recovery and my vulnerability in being open about it.

photo credit: Christina Grasso @thepouf 

About The Chain: The Chain is a New York-based, not-for-profit peer support and mentorship program for women in the fashion and entertainment industries who are struggling with, or recovering from, an eating disorder. Founded in December 2017 by Christina Grasso and Ruthie Friedlander, both in recovery from anorexia, The Chain aims to create a safe space for this population to share their experiences and gain insight through conversation, support, and community building. For more information, or to become a member, please visit the-chain.us. 

Christina Grasso is a 20-something year-old writer and activist originally from the Midwest. She has worked with Nylon, Huffington Post, Obsessee, Bullett, P.S. I made this, Thrive Global, Oscar de la Renta, Nanette Lepore, and celebrity makeup artist, Robin Black. She currently leads social media for StyleCaster and appeared on Season 18 of Law & Order: SVU. In addition to her work in fashion and beauty, she serves on the boards of the Glam4Good Foundation and Project HEAL. She has been involved with Project HEAL since 2012 as the founder of the New York City chapter, director of the PR and social media team, and creator of its viral "What Makes Me Beautiful" campaign. She is a frequent speaker on her own recovery from anorexia, and volunteers her free time to doing arts and crafts in hospitals, shelters, and assisted living communities throughout the New York City area. She lives in Manhattan.

Inspired by Christina's story? Share with us below for an open dialogue about this important topic. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The Importance of Putting Pen to Paper in the Digital World

To prove the title of this post true… ya know, that we’re really not joking around about the importance of this post, I wrote it out by hand before I typed it. It felt tedious at first. A little finger crampy. Do I even know how to spell words like committee or entrepreneur on my own, I wondered. (Not a proud thought.) It was tricky, tricky, but yes. 

Because look, the irony of typing a post about the importance of putting pen to paper, was not lost on me. Typing is definitely faster, easier to share with colleagues, but it’s not necessarily better. 

Here are some reasons why, and our friends at Blue Sky are no stranger to this concept:

Slow Down, You Crazy Child.

 
If you caught on to our Billy Joel reference, you might also know that Vienna waits for you. What does that have to do with writing, pen and paper? A lot! We are TIED to our computers and our screens. No matter what kind of “healthy” relationship you have with your tech, humans aren’t meant to always move this fast. It’s crazy. The internet can wait for you while you make notes *gasp* in a notebook. 

Writing slows you down, makes you think about what you really want to say, instead of what comes flying off your fingertips at 90 WPM. 

The challenge: Next time you go into a brainstorming meeting, leave your computer closed. Take notes with your colleagues on paper and see what kind of magic you come up with. There’s so much note-taking variety out there – from personalized notebooks (in small, medium, and large sizes depending on your preference), to grid notes, lined notes and more. The options are virtually ENDLESS. (And if you don’t believe us, virtually (literally) personalize your very own here.) The ease of planning can start online – but the act of writing, pen to paper, is where you’ll see the benefit.

The Mid-Sleep Ah-HA! 

It used to be common to wake up in the middle of the night and scribble an idea down on a piece of paper by your bedside. In the morning, when you awoke, it would be there, staring you in the face. More and more we hear of people doing this with their phones. However, there are two reasons this isn’t the *best* way to 2am brainstorm. 

First, all of the science proves that the blue light from your phone disrupts good sleep. Opening your phone in the middle of the night to jot something down, is way more disruptive to sleep than a pen and paper. 

Second, a note taken in your phone in the middle of the night is essentially buried. It’s buried beneath texts, IG scrolling, checking the news and your email. However, a note on your bedside table smacks you right in the face in the morning. That idea gets to be the first thing you consider upon waking. It might be the best consideration you have all day. 

The challenge: Instead of writing a note on your phone and disrupting your sleep, write in on a pad of paper or notebook beside the bed. The personalized To-Do notebook by Blue Sky makes this feel like second nature for those thoughts that just need to be jotted down – at any hour, any day. Literally: just write your to-dos, must-dos and have-tos all in one reliable spot, and stop. your. worrying.

There’s a reason we like notes on the fridge.

A handwritten note or goal gives us clarity and focus. Typing goals is fine, dandy, and speedy, but by handwriting goals, you might slow down (see point #1) and find new insight. Writing down goals gives you a kind of direction that a laptop can’t.

The challenge: free write your goals--speed write if possible, and see what ends up on the bottom of the page. It might totally surprise you! The benefit of a Blue Sky personalized notebook? You have tons of white writing space for all of the goal-setting and forward-thinking you want. And the best part? Don’t just hit the ‘delete’ button when you’ve reached a milestone. Cross off each goal (literally) when you’ve accomplished it. And remember, Blue Sky was with you on the journey to that moment.

Have reasons you like handwriting vs. typing? Share in the comment section below!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

You Are a Walking Billboard (And That's A Good Thing)

Billboards are meant to be simple, engaging, and creative. Even though advertising has become largely digital, billboard space is still highly valued, as it is a golden opportunity to do groundbreaking, impactful work. Most people don’t think much about it, but you are a walking billboard. Everything you do and every piece of information you put out there is part of your personal brand, and it’s important for everything to reflect the same image and vibe. Create a successful personal brand through your clothing, your confidence, your elevator pitch, and your ability to establish rapport with others. Never forget that you have the power to change how people see you. It’s really empowering when you realize that you control everything you put out there including how people see you and what perception you give off.

Create an image for your billboard

Think about how often we judge people almost immediately based on their appearance. Clothing is a tool which can help you take control of how people see you and manipulate their viewpoint. Do you want to appear as a strong, knowledgeable, and confident individual? Your clothing can help with that!

Think about how a brand is cohesive in every aspect of marketing and aesthetics. What would a brand put on a billboard to enhance brand awareness? Decide how you want other people to see you and the brand you represent, and dress accordingly. If you want to be seen as a professional, wear professional clothing. It won’t only affect how people see you, but there’s something empowering about dressing "up." It changes your demeanor and studies have shown that it influences the way we think.

Communicate with confidence

Part of being a walking billboard is being confident in who you are, what you believe in, and what your personal brand represents. Have you ever noticed that some people communicate with confidence and command respect when speaking while others don't? When you communicate with confidence, it is the difference between telling your boss that you need the day off and asking if it would be possible to take the day off. While it's not okay to act self-righteous and show a lack of respect others, it is important to act on what you need.

It can be a hard to communicate with confidence, and even harder to implement if you aren’t used to actively telling people how you feel and what you need. However once you do learn how to utilize this concept, there will be an immediate and noticeable difference in how others react to you.

Perfect your elevator pitch

An elevator pitch is a short and persuasive speech that summarizes who you are, what you do, and why you’re unique. You should know it by heart and be able to say your elevator pitch at any time, from a casual conversation with friends to a job interview. Your elevator pitch is one of the most important parts of pitching yourself to others whether it’s at a party, for a job, a writing opportunity, or to gain experience. You’re pitching yourself any time you met someone or try to further develop your career, so getting confident in your elevator pitch is essential.

A great way to practice is to give your elevator pitch to a friend and ask them to give you feedback on three main aspects:

·       What they learned

·       What they wish they learned/what information you should include

·       Where they think you could improve

This exercise will help you figure out where you are with your elevator pitch and how you can improve it to perfect this important part of your personal brand.

__________

When you think about your personal brand, what perception do you want to give off? You are a walking billboard and have the ability to put any perception or image about yourself into the world. You have the power to affect how people see you based on your confidence, your appearance, your communication skills, and your online footprint.

A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

What If We Had a Solution to the High Cost of College

Smith House Photography 

You want an education. You’re told you need an education. But at what cost should that education come? Last year for our inaugural Create & Cultivate 100 list,  where we honored 100 women across 10 categories, we found a fairly even split amongst our 100 honorees, when it came to their thoughts on college. About half said that a college education was still important, but the other half said that college, in its traditional four-year form, was growing less important. 

In part, that has to do with the cost. It is BANK to attend college. According to the College Board, the average cost of tuition and fees for the 2017–2018 school year was $34,740 at private colleges, $9,970 for state residents at public colleges, and $25,620 for out-of-state residents attending public universities.

That’s a whole lotta dollars for students who aren’t yet employed and paying their own way. More so, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York found "only 27% of college grads had a job that was closely related to their major." And though some grads work all of college to secure their dream jobs, most have no clue what field they even want to be in. And they waste precious time and money trying to figure it out. 

Like so many, Lee S. attended a four-year college. And like so many she found herself asking big questions. Life questions are often complicated by options. “Throughout my time at school,” she says. “I got more and more confused with my own personal expectations post-college. I did not know what I wanted to do. I could not envision where I belonged in this massive industry that is carved out for post-grad college kids. All I knew was that I wanted to be in a field that allowed me to interact with people. I love people; talking to different people, connecting with people, learning from as many people as I could. Yes, I would describe myself as a ‘people person,’ which to some might be a cop out, but for me it's my truth.”

She ended up landing a job at a company that allows her to interact with people as well as satisfy her creative needs. But what if there was a solution that was cost effective and helped her narrow her focus? What if she didn’t need to be so confused along her journey?

Strayer University is helping driven students do just that. 

Strayer is helping students with personalized learning solutions. To help increase attainment and improve student engagement rates – a fundamental component of success – Strayer introduced Strayer Studios, an entirely revolutionary platform featuring enhanced online content that blends Emmy Award-winning film production with real-life, engaging stories. 

In an initial pilot, 10 percent fewer students dropped courses that included Strayer Studios content – a critical data point given drop rates are higher among the non-traditional student population. 

By the end of 2017, Strayer estimates that 52,000 classes will have been delivered in the Studios format.

Moreover, according to Strayer, “Too many students take on debt, but do not finish their degrees. As a result, many fail to reap the rewards of postsecondary attainment: meaningful employment, higher salary and improved quality of life.”

"Too many students take on debt, but do not finish their degrees."

Tweet this. 

Instead of stressing students out MORE, Strayer wondered if it could build an approach that rewarded students for their continued progress towards a degree. 

Enter the Strayer Graduation Fund, which allows students to earn a course at no-cost for every three classes they complete and has the potential to reduce the total cost of a student’s degree by up to 25 percent as long as they stay continuously enrolled. Since the program launched in 2013, student persistence from the first to second year of instruction has improved by 45 percent. And among at-risk students, first-to-second year retention rates increased by 80 percent. These are important markers because first-to-second year retention is a key indicator of a student’s likelihood of progressing towards a degree.

And isn’t that what we all want? Progress? Yes. Progress. And progress ensures that you’ll meet your goals, whatever they may be. 

Every person starts somewhere. Everyone has their own journey. Perhaps the solutions offered by Strayer will be a first step in yours. 

This is sponsored post, created in collaboration with Strayer University. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

4 Creative Ways to Announce Your New Engagement

Are you one of the 40 percent of people that get engaged between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day? The holiday months are some of the most popular when it comes to love.

It makes sense after all. Family and fun, eggnog. Mistletoe… the New Year’s Eve capital K Kiss. There’s a lot of smoochin’ going on lately. And we love it. So does Simon G Jewelry, the leader in engagement rings and bling. But announcing your love to the world can feel more overwhelming than the wedding. How do you make sure your announcement is equal parts sweet and creative?

Here are some ideas!

MAKE IT COLORFUL

The recently engaged blogger Color Me Courtney wanted an IG announcement that popped as much as her ring. (#SimonGSparkles.)A couple balloons, a bright pink monochrome, and the #onbendedknee Boyz to Men style swagger from her now fiancé, it was picture perfect. It didn’t hurt that she was rocking a gorgeous yellow diamond stunner.

IT SHOULD BE OUT OF THIS WORLD

This couple took their proposal to the moon and back. To recreate this amazing announcement, find yourself a creative partner and get to work. No one said marriage is easy, but this couple has the moon (and likely the world) on a string. 

SMILE BIG.

OK. Maybe it’s not the most creative but you don’t have to have a paint war engagement photoshoot (yes, those exist) to show your true happiness. Sometimes the best thing you can do is smile big and flash a little ring.

And look, it’s not only about the proposal. You have to pop the question to your best gals as well, so why not make it ‘grammable with bridesmaid proposal cards from Etsy! We love the scratch off "Will you be my Bridesmaid" cards. 

Have other creative ways to announce? Let us know below!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The Most Interesting Interview Questions You Need to Know

“So, tell me about yourself?” How many interviews have you had that open with that question? It serves two purposes: 1) an ice-breaker to kick off the conversation and 2) to witness how the candidate prioritizes the details of her life. After that easy lob, you can’t predict what interview questions will come next.

Our favorite Q&A site Quora posed the question: What one question do you always ask applicants in a job interview, and why? Here, our favorite interesting interview questions and answers.

1. How do you stay current?

“The answer gives me a feel for the candidate’s curiosity and desire to continue learning, technical interests apart from work experience and how they value the knowledge and experiences of the broader technical community in building their skills and network.” —Travis Truman, software architect

2. If you could change one thing on your resume, what would it be and why?

“The answer tells me a lot about what they perceive as their own weaknesses, career regrets, and shortcomings.” —Tommy Thorton, IT professional

3. On a scale of 1-10, how lucky do you think you are, and why?

“This question has worked wonders for me to bring out some key incidents, experiences, and the overall philosophy.” —Puneet Mehta, cofounder, MyCityWay

4. Where do you rate your skills in [software/program/] on a scale 1-10?

“The number they give is usually irrelevant to the actual interview, but the way they go about explaining their answer reveals a lot about their character. A simple 1-10 rating scale on skill set with an explanation will give you so much insight about how a person views learning and improving.” —John B. Petersen III, startup founder

5. What’s the biggest misconception about you and why?

“Then, after they’ve answered, I follow up with, “How do you know it’s a misconception?” Tests how self-aware someone is, and whether they are open-minded. Two key traits in a great team member.” —Jane Yu, partnerships and philanthropy, AltSchool

6. What did you care about most when you were 10 years old?

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about?

“Both are more specific than ‘tell me about yourself,’ and challenge the respondent to be specific, and, to me, the second question can show maturity and introspection.”—Gagan Diesh

8. What’s your favorite website?

“In truth, there are no wrong answers, but people who practice and read how to give the perfect interview are always flabbergasted. I want to know how they sound when they’re passionate about something, and make sure they love the internet. You can teach the rest…” —Alex Williams, creative and digital strategy director

9. Rank the following in terms of importance:

• Investors
• Management
• Colleagues
• Customers
• Oneself

“It speaks to the alignment of goals, resource allocation, and priorities, and ability to tie different moving parts i.e. people … that are hard to measure and which make or break the company.” —Mrinal Desai, CEO and cofounder of addappt

10. Who is your hero and why? 

“The why is most important. Research has shown that high-achievers have role models and you want to find out what personal attributes the job candidate admires and hopefully tries to live up to.” —Tony Mariotti, COO, Friendbuy

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Women Moving The Movement, #FollowFriday

This week's #FollowFriday is all about women behind the scenes of the #TimesUp movement. The all black moment of solidarity at the Golden Globes was just one piece of the puzzle. Time's Up is a leaderless initiative made up of many working groups to fight against sexual harassment. 

According to the New York Times, the movement will address:

• A legal defense fund, backed by $13 million in donations, to help less privileged women — like janitors, nurses and workers at farms, factories, restaurants and hotels — protect themselves from sexual misconduct and the fallout from reporting it.

• Legislation to penalize companies that tolerate persistent harassment, and to discourage the use of nondisclosure agreements to silence victims.

• A drive to reach gender parity at studios and talent agencies that has already begun making headway.

Check out these women moving the movement and the groups they're leading down below. Don't forget to show some social media love for #FollowFriday!

Leaders of the new commission on sexual harassment in the entertainment industry

Anita Hill + Nina Shaw

honorary follows*

Founders of TIME’S UP Legal Defense Fund

@Tinatchen + @kaplanrobbie

Television producer + writer and President + CEO of National Women's Law Center

@shondarhimes + @FGossGraves  

Actresses + Producers

@reesewitherspoon + @evalongoria

@americaferrera + @kerrywashington

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

This Is Us Through the Week

WE made it! Congrats. Take a brief recap walk through your week with British comedian Miranda Hart. 

Catch you on the other side. 

MONDAY AM. 

MONDAY END OF DAY. 

TUESDAY. 

WEDNESDAY. 

THURSDAY. 

FRIDAY. 

AND A BIT MORE OF THIS.

BUT DON'T WORRY. SATURDAY IS VERY CLOSE. 

AND. 

SUNDAY... THIS IS US. 

Any questions?

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The Golden Globe Acceptance Speeches That Weren’t

Men are scared. Men in Hollywood are even more scared. 

To point, last night, Seth Meyer, the 75th Golden Globes host, joked this in his opening monologue:  “Good evening ladies and remaining gentleman,” he said to the applause of the room. "For the male nominees in the room tonight, this is the first time in three months it won't be terrifying to hear your name read out loud.”

Cue the laughter and the claps, but also, cue the dopey confused male faces. Do we laugh or do we cry. Or do we crawl under these tables? Men last night were lost. 

And we do understand, but not a single man who accepted a #GoldenGlobes tonight spoke out about sexual assault, #MeToo, or #TimesUP. 

Guys, wearing a black tux isn't enough. I mean, if you're going to wear the pin, at least know what it's about. 

UMM. 

So don't worry guys, we go this too. We did a little rewrite for you. Here's how to treat women who are changing your professional for the better. 

JAMES FRANCO, BEST ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY 

“First person I have to thank is the man himself Tommy Wiseau. Come on up here Tommy. 19 years ago, he was stuck in traffic from the Golden Globes. He said to his best friend Greg, “Golden Globes, so what? I’m not invited. I know they don’t want a guy with accent, long hair, so I show them. I don’t wait for Hollywood, I make my own movie.” I’m very happy to share this moment with him today and with all the women in the room, who have been pulling a Tommy for the last 75 years. Women who made their own way. And who continue to do so tonight. Thank you so much for your efforts, for your hard work. For bringing Hollywood into a new era and to every woman who has ever said, “I show them. I don’t wait for Hollywood, I make my own movie.”

ALEXANDER SKARSGARD,  BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, TELEVISION SERIES 

Hi. I have a friend who is eight years old and he was perplexed when I didn’t thank him at the Emmy’s. I will not make that mistake tonight. Ossian Skarsgard this is for you. Now, it does not escape me that I am winning an award for playing an abusive rapist during a monumental time in Hollywood when predators have been exposed. When women are saying Time’s Up. Women like the powerhouses who made this show possible. I am here tonight because I have the privilege of working with extraordinarily talented women. Most of whom who are in this room. Liane Moriarty who wrote the novel. Bruna, our producer. Reese, Laura, Zoe, Shailene, and Nicole, I am humbled to stand by you. To tell a story that is the unfortunate story of so many women. Too many women. For those of you at home who don’t know, this pin that I’m wearing is in reference to the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund which provides subsidized legal support to those who have experienced sexual harassment, assault, or abuse in the workplace. It is a movement against sexual harassment founded in 2018 in response to the Weinstein effect and #MeToo. It is a movement against the men, like the very one I am winning an award for playing. And to that man, to the Perry Wright’s of the world, your time is up. 

GARY OLDMAN, BEST ACTOR, MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA 

I feel very humbled and surprised to have been asked to this stage. I’d like to congratulate my fellow nominees for their beautiful work. I am in very fine company this evening. Indeed. Winston Churchill said, “My tastes are simple, I am easily satisfied with the very best.” And I was surrounded by the very best. To the magnificent makeup team – your artistry has no equal. Kristin Scott Thomas, thank you for my beautiful Clementine. Your work is exquisite. And thank you for putting up with all those awful cigars. To the women in this room, I’d like to thank you for no longer putting up with the awful, truly despicable behavior of men in Hollywood. You have battled the worst and come out victorious. You’ve been patient, too patient. And to my wife, who put up with my crazy for a year. She would say to friends, ‘I go to bed with Winston Churchill but I wake up with Gary Oldman.’ Which is, I suppose better than the other way around. I am very proud of Darkest Hour. It illustrates the words and actions can change the world– and boy, oh boy, could it use some change now. Thank you, Winston Churchill. And thank you to the women in this room and in other rooms who are also changing the world. 

Who else should we rewrite? Comment below! 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Links From Our Group Chat: Time's Up, Lady Bird & Gal Gadot

Women in Hollywood are about to get after it (it being sexual harassment) tonight at the Golden Globes. While you're waiting for the awards (and ahem, the red carpet) to start, check out some of the links we passed back and forth in our group chat. 

300+ women in Hollywood have HAD IT. #TIMESUP anti-harassment plan sweeps the nation.

Founder of Shea Moisture buys Essence Magazine from Time Inc making it a fully black-owned publication again!

7 Teenage Girls + Their Moms on Watching Lady Bird together.

Gal Gadot is not here for James Cameron. 

Are you going to wear black tonight? Let us know! 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

10 Page-Turning Books We're Loving Right Now

If you want #shelfie goals, you need some good stacks (of books) to line them with. Luckily, female authors are busting out badass books in droves. Get your hands and eyes on these!! We have. 

1. The Vanity Fair Diaries by Tina Brown 

Meryl Streep sped through this book and we know why. The Vanity Fair Diaries is the story of an Englishwoman barely out of her twenties who arrives in New York City with a dream. That woman is Tina Brown, who, between the years of 1979 to 2001 she was the editor of Tatler, Vanity Fair, and The New Yorker. Lucky for readers, during her eight year magical ride as editor-in-chief at Vanity Fair, she kept a daily diary. Today they provide an incendiary portrait of the flash and dash and power brokering of the Excessive Eighties in New York and Hollywood.

2. Women at Work Interviews from the Paris Review

Women at Work, the first anthology from the Paris Review Editions imprint, features interviews with Margaret Atwood, Simone de Beauvoir, Elizabeth Bishop, Joan Didion, Isak Dinesen, Hilary Mantel, Toni Morrison, Jan Morris, Grace Paley, Dorothy Parker, Claudia Rankine, and Marguerite Yourcenar. Intimate, deep, full of surprises, these classic interviews will be a source of inspiration and instruction to writers, students, and anyone else who cares about the creative process, or about the specific challenges faced by creative women.

Enough said. Speaking of Joan... She's always going to make our list.

3. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion 

An oldie but a goodie. Didion deals with the death of her husband and daughter in this tearful tale of the year following their deaths. And for anyone who hasn't checked out the Didion Doc on Netflix yet, we've found your Saturday night. 

4. Anything Is Possible by Elizabeth Strout

The New York Times Best Seller is on top of her craft in this novel that explores the whole range of human emotion through the intimate dramas of people struggling to understand themselves and others. 

Plus, it's about feuding sisters. Little dramatic reading never hurt anyone's imagination.

5. I've Got This Round: More Tales of Debauchery by Mamrie Hart

One of our fave funny women, Mamrie Hart is releasing her second book this Feb! In I've Got This Round, readers will find the same shameless honesty and I'll-try-anything-once spirit they loved in Hart’s New York Times bestseller You Deserve a Drink. Mamrie doubles down on her strong female friendships, her willingness to engage in shenanigans, and her inimitable candor, taking the reader along for a wild and unforgettable journey through adulting.

6. Rookie on Love edited by Tavi Gevinson 

A single-subject anthology about the heart's most powerful emotion, edited by Rookie's EIC Tavi Gevinson. Featuring exclusive, never-before-seen essays, poems, comics, and interviews from contributors like Jenny Zhang, Emma Straub, Hilton Als, Janet Mock, John Green, Rainbow Rowell & Gabourey Sidibe.

7. Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward 

Winner of a National Book Award for Fiction, Jesmyn's beautiful and haunting novel is about three generations and the ghosts that haunt them. It tells the story of Jojo, a young black Mississippi boy raised by his grandparents, who is forced to become a man far before he should because his mother is a drug addict, his father is in jail, and his baby sister needs a guardian.

8. Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit 

In her 7 essays that punctuate exactly what you feel when getting mansplained, Rebecca takes men to task. Two of the book’s most powerful essays (“Men Explain Things To Me” and “#YesAllWomen”) are exactly what you need to read. Traditional gender roles? Nah fam. 

9. It's Messy: On Boys, Boobs, and Badass Women by Amanda de Cadenet

In this deeply personal collection of essays, creator of the The Conversation Amanda de Cadenet shares the hard-won advice and practical insights she’s gained through her experiences as businesswoman, friend, wife, and mother. Part manual, part manifesto, this intimate, hilarious, and insightful collection of essays challenges stereotypes and social norms, and examines the universal experiences relevant to women today.

Take it from her-- we certainly have. 

10. Her Bodies and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado 

Our first pick this January for our Book Club! To kick it off this January we are starting Carmen Maria Machado's “Her Body and Other Parties," the author's debut book of short stories. A finalist for the National Book Award, the eight fables are a startling and at times unsettling cross between feminist fiction, as the stories deal with worlds in which women literally and metaphorically fade away, and science fiction

What are you reading on? Share below! 

right and cover photo credit: Adenorah

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Email Etiquette: "Hey Ladies" vs. "Hey Guys," the Dilemma

Gif credit: Michael Young 

If, we're to take the admonitions of our grammar school days seriously, "hey" is an inappropriately informal way to address someone. And yet, the term "Hey Ladies," appears in my inbox, at present moment, exactly 1267 times. 

That's 1267 times an email last year contained the words "Hey Ladies," in succession. Now, I don't take any issue with its formality or lack thereof. In fact, I am a rather informal emailer. I've sent emails to strangers with greetings like, "UM HI." (The response rate to "UM HI," is 100% if you're wondering.) 

So no. It's not the "hey" I struggle with. It's the "ladies." Which, might seem odd considering I work and champion the work of women. Ladies. HEY LADIES! And yet...

"Hey Ladies," irks me. I don't like being called a lady. It feels diminutive to me, like I am somehow reduced or reducing the woman on the receiving end of my email stick to gender. But my solution thus far is not any better. Some might even say, it's worse. 

If you're asking just what I use when addressing multiple women on an email chain? The answer is this: "Hey Guys." 

"Hey guys, following up on this!" "Hey guys, me again." "Hey guys, hey hey hey."  

The issue is, if I'm truly, really, all of the honest about why I use it, it's because "guy" in my mind is gender neutral. "Lady" is girly and pink and all of the "things" about my "gender" that I've never quite identified with. "Lady" is the hug I'm super uncomfortable giving you when we first meet. (I'm a handshaker OK?) It's the smiley face and the exclamation point I don't want to use, but do. 

The bigger issue is-- it's not those things. Not even close. Instead, my stomp-my-email-yard refusal to address women as women, plays into the idea that a woman needs to be "one of the guys," "can hang like the guys," etc., in order to be cool. To succeed. To get ahead. 

"Hey ladies," to me, is an insult. "Hey guys," is praise. And UGH to my thinking this. I'm sorry. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. It's upsetting to me that it's taken me this long to figure it out. I know that my "hey guys," is is giving power to the concept that a “guy” is more powerful than a “lady.”

Categorically untrue. And I will adjust my correspondence as such. Hey, better late than never?

How do you feel about "hey ladies," as an email greeting? Would love to hear in the comments below. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Slay Your 2018: Getting Back on the Grind

photo credit: Molly Cranna

The holidays are officially over and your out-of-office email is off. Noooo. YES. You might be in denial but the 2017 calendar is not. You had your break and ate it too (so many macarons), but it’s time put fingers to keyboard and *work work work work work*.

We know: getting back to reality is rough, and if money grew on trees, we’d be mid-eggnog siesta right now. But you’re a natural born hustler baby, we just want you to know. And you were not made to lounge about all day. To get back on track, here are 5 steps you can take to start the first workweek of 2017 off right.

HACK YOUR MORNINGS 

If you spent the last week of December sleeping in, waking up to an alarm once again can be tough. It doesn’t have to be so hard. Make your mornings more efficient and cut your prep time in half by setting yourself up for success the night before.

Before you go to bed, give yourself some extra mental prep time in the AM by picking out your outfit, pre-packing your work bag, and cut time by showering the night before.

Also, if you want to cut time making breakfast in the morning, prepare some overnight oats (a favorite in the C&C office) in the fridge and you’re set to take your breakfast to the office too.

SET UP A TEAM MEETING & SET A GAME PLAN

If you want to prep for success, you need to make sure that you and your team are on the same page.

At some point this week, have everyone on your team write down their plan of action for the week/month and go over all the details of who is tackling what. Once you have all set your game plan for the week, you will feel 10x more confident in taking on the rest of the week with a clear mind and clear tasks as a team.

"A negative madditude about heading back to the office will manifest in counterproductive ways."

Tweet this. 

GET FOCUSED AND PRIORITIZE YOUR TO-DOS

Now that you and your team have set your game plan, it’s time to prioritize your own to-dos. Get yourself focused and use your preferred task-management method. Whether you like the old school way of handwriting down your tasks, or you prefer to write them down in a platform like Asana or Trello, writing down and organizing all your tasks will make getting back on the grind a lot less bumpy.

RE-ORGANIZE YOUR WORK SPACE

New year means new desk space. A cluttered desk is a cluttered headspace-- even science says so. Don’t allows clutter to build up until it’s time to do spring cleaning. Do it now.

If you have old useless paperwork lying around your table, or you just need to freshen up your desk with new supplies, clean up. Not only will cleaning up your physical desktop (along with your computer desktop) help you stay organized, but it also gives you a sense of relief.

REPEAT POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Before you went to sleep, you probably liked a few memes on your Instagram feed about the dread of going back to work. It that may have given you a few LOLs, having a negative madditude about heading back to the office can and will manifest in counterproductive ways. Focus on  positive affirmations, bump a killer playlist that gets you in good mood, grab a good cup of coffee, and get ready to slay your day. There is no room here for back-to-work blues.

What are some of the ways that you get back into your groove when returning to work? Let us know below!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

The 10 Best Moments of 2017

When Cher full bodied a Twitter user after posting her thoughts on DACA, our hearts sang with joy. 

And gave us our motto going into 2018. 

Let's crop in, shall we?

For those in the back. 

Oh. 

I think again, for good luck. 

Just in case your eyes were closed. 

What the hell, one more time. 

2018, you're toast. 

What's that? 

Toast. 

Oh, Cher. We've got you babe. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Self Love Twitter Accounts You've Got to #FollowFriday

We know the holidays are supposed to be filled with love, joy + laughter, but sometimes, that's just not how it goes. If you're in a holiday slump go follow these Twitter profiles dedicated to inspiring smiles and laughs all day.

Check them out below.

@alex_elle + @idillionaire

@GeneenRoth + @JeanetteJenkins

@gabbybernstein + @AmberTozer

@OfficialKat + @KarenKilgariff

Any of your favorite twitter profiles missing from this list? Drop some names for us below to spread the inspo!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

How These 6 Influencers Plan to Own Their 2018

Photo credit: Pam Hetlinger

There are so many ways to approach resolutions. And holding yourself accountable is one surefire way to make the new year count. 

So we checked in with some of our favorite bloggers and influencers to see how they're heading into 2018. From taking breaks to putting health first, they are going to make 2018 count. 

The question is: what are you waiting for? 

Bri Emery Is on the Path to Feelin' Good. 

It sounds cliche but I am focused on my health. Less wine nights during the week, more water. take my vitamins. slow down when my body signals me to. I had a lot of health issues this year and I want to really put my health first and remember to be grateful when I’m feeling good!

Nicolette Mason Is Going to Take It Easy. 

2017 was such a personally and professionally challenging year! We launched Premme, a fashion-forward plus-size clothing line, in July, and leading up to the launch and since then, it has been non stop! So my goal for 2018, honestly, is to slow down a little and take some breaks. I’m really overdue for a vacation - and am promising myself I’m going to book a real getaway ASAP!

Simply Cyn Want to Keep It Simple.

Be more organized. (ed. note: enough said.) 

Kristin Ess Is Going Big. 

My New Years resolution is to get Kristin Ess Hair international.

Pam Hetlinger Has Her Sights Set High. 

My New Years resolution in 2018 is to continue following my dreams and doing everything I can to achieve them.

Bianca Alexa Is In Search of Balance. 

Definitely to get back in shape and to have a more balanced and healthier lifestyle.

What about you? How you plan on slaying 2018? Share in the comments below. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Take the Leap: 5 Reasons to Start Before You're "Ready"

photo credit: Kelley Raye 

If you are reading this post, I'm going to guess that you either:

Have a full or part time day job and are running your blogging or creative business in your free time (and possibly want to take that blog or business full time) or,

Work on your blog or creative business full time and want to take it to the next level.

If either of these guesses are true, keep reading, friend.

You are not alone. There are a LOT of people trying to do exactly what you are doing. I write this not to deter you from doing it, but to illustrate that in order to stand out and grow, you're gonna have to take action.

Here's the really great news: You have a lot of power in this situation. More than you probably realize.

And to harness that power and start allowing big things in your business and life, you have to get comfortable with being a little uncomfortable.

One thing I notice with aspiring creative business owners vs. entrepreneurs is that they are timid to take big risks. They don't want to let go of that day job for fear of struggling financially. They don't want to reach out for that big opportunity in their business for fear of being rejected (or even worse, ignored). They don't want to talk too much about their work or ask too much money for their products and services, for fear that they will turn off potential customers and clients, or won't be able to deliver on their promises.

 "You have to get comfortable with being a little uncomfortable."

Tweet this. 

See a pattern forming? Yep, it's fear. Fear of not being ready. Fear of making a big commitment without knowing the outcome. Fear of not being good enough.

Fear of struggle.

Once you can move past the fear and use your intuition--that gut feeling--to make big decisions for your business, you will find that really great things will start happening.

But what if your gut is telling you that you aren't ready to take those big leaps?

Here are my thoughts on that:

1. Spoiler: You will never be ready.

You can plan your next move for years without ever actually making the move. It's fun to plan and research, isn't it? You are learning! You are filing all that information away neatly for the day that you are finally ready to launch. So much fun!

And you're totally protected by the fort of information that you have built around yourself.

But you are trapped. You have to take action, or all that research will go to waste. You might even find that the information you gathered wasn't as helpful as what you will uncover by taking the leap and putting yourself out there.

2. You will figure it out and learn as you go.

I run a product-based business and a couple of years ago I decided to start wholesaling my products to retailers. I knew nothing about wholesale, except that it was a great way to sell more product and get fresh eyes on my work.

One night, I finally decided to start reaching out to shops, and ended up getting a really large order. It was amazing. And so stressful!

I did many things wrong, even after following all the "advice" I had found online. I got paid late and I barely made any money.

But my experience with that order helped shape my entire wholesale program as it is today.

Now? I have regular wholesale orders and the bulk of my income comes from my wholesale business. And I get paid on time!

I threw myself into it and learned from my inevitable mistakes, and now it's no biggie.

3. The money will come.

I've amazed myself at times with how quickly I can make $300 when my feet are held to the fire.

I'm not here to tell you to quit your day job tomorrow, but trust me when I say that you know how to make money on your own. Sometimes that day job (or other job-like commitment) is a financial crutch. You think you need it.

You need money, not a specific job. There are plenty of ways to make money by doing what you love.  

Start figuring out ways to make up that income. Start scaling back your day job hours. Start taking back your time and devoting it to things that you really want to do. Do these things before you can rationalize it (by the way, the only rationalization you need is that you want to do it).

You might be amazed at how resourceful you are, too, when your feet are held to the fire.

4. Now is the best time to start building your experience.

The sooner you put new work out into the world and introduce it to the people that can help you grow your business, the sooner you will build a fantastic body of work.

Your work may not be the best ever the first time you create that new product, or reach out for that big brand collaboration or magazine feature. But if you do it now, and keep doing it over time while taking note of the things that weren't strong, you will improve.

If you don't look back and cringe a little at your old work, then you probably launched too late. Launch early and don’t give up on the opportunities that are important to you.

5. There's no better feeling than doing exactly what you want every day.

Several years ago, I spent most of my time doing all the things I should have been doing and only dreaming about all the things I actually wanted to do.

Now, I get to choose what I want to do most days. Being able to spend my time on things that bring me joy is one of the most empowering feelings, ever.

But you don't get to that place by sitting around waiting for it to happen to you. You have to chase it, wrangle it, overcome adversity, and ignore everyone saying "You know what you should do..."

Focus consistently on your goals, both big and small. What action will get you closer to achieving them? Do that.

And do it as soon as possible.

Casey Sibley is a Reno, Nevada based designer and writer. She writes the blog Leap Repeat, sharing her experiences in pursuing a business and life that brings her joy, and encouraging other aspiring creative entrepreneurs to lead a life by their own design, on their own terms. She also owns Casey D. Sibley Art + Design, a lifestyle brand of accessories and home goods in a colorful, modern style meant to inspire a happy life.

You can find her sharing behind the scenes snapshots of her work on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and a few thoughts on leading a joyful life on Periscope @caseydsibley.

An original version of this article appeared on Blog Society. 

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

6 Texts Responses to Your Boss That Are Too Passive Aggressive

I was feeling great, but then my mood changed. Happens all the time. And to the best of us. 

We get snippy. Grumpy. Hangry. Overwhelmed by emails and a lack of Vitamin D. We have long days and are short on sleep. All of these effect how we respond to certain situations. And sometimes we get a little too passive aggressive. Espeically over text, where we feel like we can get away with a little 'tude. 

#1 OK. or K. 

That period is so telling. So is the all caps. If you really do mean, Ok! then add an exclam or write it out: okay. It's so much more gentle that way. 

#2 The hard ask, followed by a smiley face.

We all know what that smiley face means. It's a big ole FU. Wink. 

#3 Sure.  

Here's the thing, everyone reads "sure" in a harsh tone. Even if it's meant playful and "sure, I'd love to do that." An unqualified "sure" is a surefire way to piss off whomever is on the receiving end. 

#4 Fine. 

Same as the above, especially when followed by a period. It's too short, curt, and doesn't exactly scream, "I'm on it!"

#5 That's not my job, but happy to pitch in. 

There are a lot of tasks we all take on that "aren't our job." Airing your grievances via text to your boss is not the way to address it. It's not professional. It's not mature. And most likely, it's going to get a smiley face FU in return. 

#6 The three dots (AKA an ellipses) followed by... nothing. 

Let's say you get a text from your boss on the weekend and it's urgent. You start to respond, she sees you responding ... she's waiting ... and then ... nothing. And nothing for hours. If it's urgent and she's texting you, for the love, please respond. If it becomes an issue or everything is "urgent" on the weekend, a larger talk is warranted. But know that she likely doesn't want to be sitting around waiting on you anymore than you want to be hearing from her. Text her back and move on. 

So how do you prevent yourself from snapping in a work environment? We've got a few tips for ya'll to put into practice.  

1. Stop visualizing the worst case scenario. 

Part of the reason we get stressed is because we're thinking doom and gloom. A pessimistic attitude is not about the present. Most often it's because we're borrowing negative emotions from the future and adding them to our present current mood. If you mess up with a client or blow it at work, don't imagine getting fired. That's only going to put you in a worse/stressed AF mood. Imagine taking responsibility for your actions and then doing just that. 

2. Realize it takes more energy to be angry. 

Getting mad at your job, your colleagues, your boss... totally normal. But holding onto grudges that lead to months of passive aggressive texting or emailing is incredibly counter-productive. Use that energy to come up with a plan where you can be HAPPY at work. It's a win-win for all. 

What's the most passive-aggressive text you've sent or received in a work context? Share below!

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Let's Talk About Love Language in the Creative Workplace

Love language, not to be confused with romance languages like French, Italian, and Spanish, is an important part of your communication and interaction with others. There’s a very well-known book called The Five Love Languages, which explains the ways in which people like to give and receive love from their partners, and how you can make each type of person feel the most loved and appreciated. 

The main theme of the aforementioned book is that there is no fool proof, one-size-fits-all method to communicate to a partner that you care about them. The same concept is true when attempting to land a new job, bond with your co-workers, or improve an existing client relationship, especially with creatives in the corporate world.

Here’s a breakdown of the five ways that people feel appreciated—and how you can apply this knowledge to your advantage in the workplace.

Gifts *ahem it's the holiday season*

It doesn't have to cost you a dime. Workplace gifts can come in the form of shared information, like sending a colleague or boss an article relevant to your company. Perhaps it is a white paper on new design software, or a blog post about the most annoying fonts. (Ryan Gosling would appreciate that one - we all know he hates Papyrus!) 

Promo or swag items are also appropriate during the holidays or for another special occasion. I personally LOVE corporate swag, especially when it’s edible, or practical items like water bottles or portable chargers. When working with creatives, think about something they would like, such as a custom stylus or dot journal. 

Quality Time 

For many, quality face time is the the preferred method of communication. Especially when working with new clients or when starting a new role. For QT lovers, sending an email every few weeks won’t suffice. Instead, they will be much more appreciative if you set up face to face meetings. 

The creative process can be complex, whether this is giving a brief for banner artwork, or an intake call to compose a white paper. Many subtle details can’t be captured through bullet points, and require an in-person (or at least a phone) conversation. In remote work environments, this can be a bit tricky. Try to keep yourself available for Google Hangout/Skype meetings and always be online when your boss or client needs you. Lastly, communicating realistic timelines are crucial. The client has deadlines to meet, but you don’t want to cut your creative process short. Be crystal clear about how long certain things take to finish to ensure quality, and don’t allow yourself to be rushed!

Words of Affirmation

It never hurts to send a thank you note after a professional exchange, that’s just basic manners. Those folks whose love language includes words will certainly appreciate that handwritten note or email thanking them for working with you. Luckily for creative types, you can put your talents to use and write a beautiful poem, or design a custom typography illustration. Vocalizing your appreciation can speak volumes about your professionalism and positive attitude. 

Additionally, when brainstorming with a client, it can be helpful to talk about emotions. This is not a session where you share your personal emotions, but rather the emotions the client is looking to elicit from their audience.The more information you can find out about what emotions or feelings your client wants the project to convey, the more aligned your goals will be.

Acts of service

These “acts” don’t have to include grand gestures. For some people, the epitome of service is when their significant other goes out of their way to do an everyday task like taking out the trash without being asked. Similarly, for some clients, a little extra service goes a long way. Simple things like hand delivery, discounting/waiving fees, or saving your client time by making their travel arrangements can go a long way to make them feel appreciated.  Another thoughtful gesture is to show a client a sneak peek or preview before the deadline. Delivering early and giving a behind the scenes look of your project is sure to impress!

Physical Touch

I’m certainly not suggesting anything that will land you a complaint with HR!! In a romantic relationship, people who speak this love language like holding hands, hugs, or other forms of PDA. In the professional world, this can translate to hand shake styles. A firm, yet natural shake is always best. A “I’m sticking my hand out to shake but really I wish you would kiss my hand to worship me like the princess I am” extended limp hand is just as bad as a “I’m going to break your fingers to show you that I am important” handshake. Both options guarantee an awkward first impression with a boss, colleague, or client, and should be avoided at all costs. Not confident on your handshake yet? Practice on a friend, partner, or family member until you get it right. 

Shake on it? OK. Now. 

How to tell which type you’re dealing with:

Take note of how the person in question treats you. Chances are, they will act upon whichever gestures they appreciate the most. Reciprocate in the same style. If they are hard to gage, experiment with several different styles to show your appreciation, and pay careful attention to how they react to each. 

It’s also important to keep in mind that women and men generally have different professional communication styles. According to Monster, men are typically more aggressive about sharing their ideas, and women are more inquisitive. Forbes conducted research and found the top strengths for women are: body language awareness, good listening skills, and display empathy effectively. Alternatively, the top strengths for men are: commanding physical presence, ability to get straight to the point, and display power effectively. Keep this in mind when you’re next addressing your client!

If you can’t narrow down their particular favored love language, or preferred communication method based on their gender,  find out their birthday and use this guide based on their sign! When in doubt, trust your gut. It is always a good idea to keep the lines of communication open in your creative workplace, regardless of your preferred love language!

Written by: Kait Dunning 👩‍💻 Marketing Consultant; 💙 Founder: Giv-Now; 💼 Founder, Fierce Girls Entrepreneurs Club

MORE FROM OUR BLOG

Professional Ghosting: Why Is It So Horrible

Urban Dictionary defines ghosting as “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone,” and while the term originated in the dating world, it seems to be slithering itself into the workplace too.

Professional ghosting isn’t just horrible when you’re on the receiving end, but it can be disastrous for your reputation of you’re the one doing the ghosting. The average worker spends an estimated 28% of the workweek managing e-mails, so chances are that if you’re the recipient, you’ve at least seen the email come through. According to a study done at USC, more than 90% of replies happen within a day of receiving the message, so if you haven’t received a reply in a day or two, there’s a very high chance that you won’t receive a reply at all.

TWO DAYS?!

GETTING GHOSTED

Obviously no one likes being on the receiving end of professional ghosting. It can hurt your self-esteem, and lead to internal questions about what you could have done differently. “Did I say something wrong?” “Could I have approached this differently?”

The important thing to remember if you’re being professionally ghosted is to take the high road. Learn from your experience and don’t ghost others. If you come across the person who ghosted you at a later time, keep your cool and act professional. While it’s okay to mention that you sent them an email (or many) without a response a while back, it’s important to show that you have taken the high road and aren’t holding a grudge. Internal feelings are fine, but keeping outward presentation pleasant is what will help you professionally. No one likes someone who holds grudges, especially at work. And while it doesn’t make it okay, you never know what came up or why that person never responded.

BEING THE GHOSTER 

It may seem easy to just brush off an email and not respond, but on top of being extremely rude, if you professionally ghost someone, you are being unprofessional and hurting your reputation. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and as long as you voice that opinion respectfully and appropriately, there is nothing wrong with that. 

Have you decided that you don’t want to work with someone or that a project isn’t the right fit? Totally your choice, but take action and tell your potential partners what’s going on. There’s nothing worse than negotiating with someone only to all of the sudden not receive any responses. If you’ve gone with another option, that’s okay, but communicate and don’t burn your bridges.

By ghosting someone, you are showing that you:

• Don’t care enough or respect the other party enough to respond
• You lack professionalism
• You cannot take accountability for your decisions

Do you want to represent that in your career? Hopefully not. Try the touch it once rule-- it helps keep you on your best email grind. 

What do you do if you’ve ghosted someone and want to fix it?

Responding late is better than never. It’s still rude to wait a long time to respond to someone, but if you have and want to remedy the situation, the best way to handle it is to take responsibility.

A great way to respond is something like this: 

“Hi ___, So sorry for the delayed response. This email should have gotten out to you sooner. Unfortunately we’ve decided to go with another option, but we appreciate your hard work, and would love to keep in touch about future opportunities. Best of luck on your endeavors!”

This response shows contrition (or email guilt), gives you accountability for your actions, and lays out the situation clearly. All you can do is take responsibility, learn from your mistakes, and move forward. A simple email saying “Thank you, but we’re not interested at this time” or something of that nature takes seconds to craft, and shows the recipient that you care enough to take the time to respond. No one can hold it against you if you’ve gone a different direction as long as you’ve been clear with your communication.

______

 Is one email response really worth ruining your reputation and potentially your career? Chime in below. 

In the time it takes to write a quick email, you will be able to help your professional reputation, give someone piece of mind, and ensure that you’re not burning any bridges.

A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.

MORE FROM OUR BLOG